1 Social Success For Web Site
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HELPING YOUR CHILD EXPERIENCE SOCIAL SUCCESS “We will do, and (then) we will hear.” (Exodus 24:3-7) Dan Shapiro, M.D. Developmental and Behavioral Pediatrics drdan@parentchildjourney.com www.parentchildjourney.com Assessment before Management “Accurate description leads to effective prescription.” -Mel Levine When social difficulty is secondary (caused by other “stuff ”) • • • • • Difficult temperament/ behavioral style Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder Executive Dysfunctions Verbal Language Learning Disabilities Mood Disorders: • Anxiety, generalized, performance, social • Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder • Depression, Bipolar Illness, Severe Mood Dysregulation Other secondary causes of social difficulty • • • • Un-even sensory profile Fine and gross motor weaknesses Involuntary movement disorders (tics, Tourette’s) Environmental disadvantage • deprivation or adversity • lack of positive social role models, social teaching, social experience Primary causes of social difficulty (Disorders of the “social brain”) • Dyssemia/ Social Pragmatic Disorder/ Social Communication Disorder • Non-verbal Learning Disability • Personality disorders o psychopaths, sociopaths, narcissists, paranoids • Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) o Kanner-type thru Asperger-type Overall strategy Developmental, natural, experiential, individualized • Address all causes, primary and secondary • Meet each child at his or her developmental level o Where (s)he’s at o Not where you think (s)he should be • Ensure success at current developmental level • Set short-term goals: “Where s/he’s at + 1” • Positive reinforcement • Gradually fade support and space positive reinforcement to promote independence • • • • • • • • • • • • • Structure (Dependence) Familiarity Competence/ Interest Play skills Partner Group size Time Warm-up time Sharing Social awareness Social skill Flexibility EQ STRUCTURE (DEPENDENCE) free improvisational outlined tightly scripted Beginner Intermediate Advanced Provide sufficient structure and supervision • Unstructured time should be structured up • Direct social coaching and facilitation is sometimes necessary • Adults should gradually fade support to foster social independence • Caution: Do not fade too quickly; do not leave a child unsupported because he or she is “older” FAMILIARITY new infrequent/previewed frequent Beginner Intermediate Advanced Familiarity • Limit novelty • Preview/rehearse Limit novelty • Social success derailed by o “experiencing new things” o anxiety, sensory overload • Comfort zone expanded by o old familiar activities in old familiar settings o deliberate, incremental exposure to “new” Preview/rehearse • • • • • • • • Visual schedule Social calendar Social stories Cartoon conversations Social scripts Rule review Guided practice Role-plays COMPETENCE beginner intermediate expert Beginner Intermediate Advanced INTEREST low medium high Beginner Intermediate Advanced Select activities in areas of competence and interest • Social success is more likely in areas of strength • Shared interests lead to good relationships • Follow your child’s bliss PLAY SKILLS (Lifter) discriminative/ combinations sociodramaticthematic indiscriminate Beginner Intermediate Advanced Teaching Play Activities To Preschool Children With Disabilities: The Importance Of Developmental Considerations Journal of Early Intervention 17, 139-159. Provide developmentally appropriate play opportunities Teach up to the next level Indiscriminate Play ◦ Actions when all objects are treated alike ◦ Such as, waving, mouthing, banging, feeling, throwing Discriminative Play ◦ Interacting with an object in a manner consistent with the properties of that object ◦ Such as, pushing a car, squeezing a stuffed animal, pushing buttons on a pop-up Take Apart Combinations ◦ Separating the configuration of objects ◦ Such as, taking all of the pieces out of a puzzle Presentation Combinations ◦ Child recreates combinations of objects according to their presentation configuration ◦ Such as, putting pieces back into a puzzle General Combinations ◦ Use objects based on global properties that are shared by many different objects ◦ Such as, using an item as a container (nesting cup, bed of dump truck) to hold a variety of objects (blocks, toy cars) Pretend Self ◦ Relating an object to self with a pretend quality ◦ Such as, bringing an empty cup to one’s mouth to “drink” Specific Combinations (physical attributes) ◦ Preserve the distinct and unique physical characteristics of objects in constructed configurations ◦ Such as, stacking blocks, stringing beads, rolling a car down a ramp Child as Agent ◦ Using a replica of a person or an animal along with a prop to complete an act ◦ Such as, giving a doll a drink with a cup , feeding an animal with a spoon Specific Combinations (conventional attributes) ◦ Preserve the unique physical conventional characteristics of objects in configuration with another ◦ Such as, placing a cup on a saucer Single Scheme Sequences ◦ Extension of familiar actions to two or more objects ◦ Such as, feeding self with a spoon then feeding a doll, then a stuffed animal, etc. Substitutions ◦ Use one object to stand in the place of another ◦ Such as, using a bowl as a hat Substitutions without Object ◦ Pretending to use something that is not there ◦ Such as, shaking an imaginary salt shaker, drinking from an imaginary cup Doll as Agent ◦ Manipulate doll figures as if they are capable of action ◦ Such as, moving figures as though they are walking, having a doll hold a mirror as if to see itself Multi-scheme Sequences ◦ Extend different actions on the same figure ◦ Such as, feed doll with spoon, wipe it with cloth, put it to bed Socio-dramatic Play ◦ Adopt various familiar roles in play themes ◦ Such as, playhouse; assign role of baby, child, parent, pet, friend Thematic Fantasy Play ◦ Adopt various fantasy characters ◦ Such as, superman PARTNER peers/diversity older/younger children parent/sibling Beginner Intermediate Advanced Choose partners • Older or younger children may be easier • Sometimes boys do better with girls, girls with boys • “What do you want to do?” before, “Who do you want to play with?” • Match favorite activities to specific friends GROUP SIZE larger “two’s company” solo Beginner Intermediate Advanced Limit group size • Social stress can increase with the number of play partners • Success 1-on-1 comes before success 1-on-2, etc. TIME long medium short Beginner Intermediate Advanced Limit time • Stop before misunderstandings, conflicts or boredom • Know how long your child usually lasts, plan to end 15 minutes earlier • “Thanks for coming, thanks for going” WARM-UP TIME short moderate prolonged Beginner Intermediate Advanced Prolong warm-up • For those who are slow to warm-up • “One toe in the pool at a time” • Warm-up can range from minutes, to hours, to days, to weeks, to months • Gradual, gentle coaxing • Warning for “just jump in the deep end”-types • Consider shortening warm-up for these children and parents • Don’t prolong torturous transitions SHARING thoughts and feelings things attention Beginner Intermediate Advanced Teach sharing • Prompt to share engagement (joint attention) • Playful obstruction to share things • Visual communication (e.g. cartoon conversations) to share thoughts and feelings SOCIAL AWARENESS (From I-It to I-Thou) reciprocity other awareness egocentricity Beginner Intermediate Advanced Teach social awareness • Teach mind-reading • Teach active listening • Teach receptive non-verbal language SOCIAL SKILLS advanced intermediate beginner Beginner Intermediate Advanced Teach social skills • Some children need explicit teaching and supervised practice o Social norms and rules o Sharing, collaborating, turn-taking, entering and leaving a group o Social problem solving; compromise and reconciliation o Expressive non-verbal language (signaling) • Prosody/ tone of voice, interpersonal space, grooming, facial expression, body language, sarcasm, etc. FLEXIBILITY our way your way my way Beginner Intermediate Advanced Flexibility training* • Explicitly teach flexibility as a concept • Spaghetti noodle (raw/ cooked) • There is no such thing as a perfect friend • Expectations can not always be met • “Go with the flow” for the sake of the relationship • Demonstrate and point out examples of flexibility (real-life, TV, books) • Praise and, if necessary, reward flexibility * Kenworthy, Anthony, Werner, Unstuck and On-Target EQ multiple shades primary emotions black and white Beginner Intermediate Advanced EQ development • Teach fundamental emotions (happy, sad, angry, and scared) and gradations (big deal, little deal, no problem; red, yellow and green) • Then teach subtleties (confused, embarrassed, jealous, disbelieving, remorseful, grateful, annoyed, frustrated) and degrees (multiple shades of gray, 0-10) • Move from “mean” or “nice” to understanding the full, ever-changing array of personalities • Nuanced emotional understanding leads to greater tolerance of social demands and mature coping strategies Temple Grandin: Different kinds of friendships • “You neurotypicals and your relationships!” • Work and the good life. Specific considerations • • • • • • The Social Development School Complementary social learning Social skills groups Bullying/ teasing Social life begins at home Helping others The Social Development School • • • • • Social problem solving Social engineering Social situations management Social responsibility Special social education o Social impairment causes learning impairment o 504 Plans or IEPs should include specific social goals and strategies Peer mentoring Complementary social learning Supplements to real-life experience • • • • • Dolls and toy figures Books: fiction, poetry, biography, history Pets Screen time (with parental supervision!) E-friends Social skills groups • Therapeutic peer groups • Individual psychosocial therapy • Mainstream/inclusion social groups o Clubs/classes/activities in shared interests o Drama classes/theatre o Sports Bullying/ teasing • Take it seriously o Anxiety/ depression/ suicide o Columbine and Virginia Tech • Map of safe zones/ high-risk zones • Specific plans for dealing with both bully and victim Social life begins at home • Adult role models: parents, grandparents, and teachers • Siblings have different profiles/ needs • The case against sibling conflict o preventing harm • The case for sibling conflict o learning from experience Helping others • Volunteer, teach, coach, mentor, baby-sit • Pair with classmates or younger students • Group volunteering (double dose of meaningful social connection) Temple Grandin: Different kinds of friendships • “You neurotypicals and your relationships!” • Work and the good life. Resources • Attwood, The Complete Guide to Asperger Syndrome • Brazelton, “The Case for Sibling Rivalry” in The Birth of the Family • Baron-Cohen, Teaching Mind-Reading to Children • Faber and Mazlisch, Siblings without Rivalry • Goleman, Social Intelligence • Greenspan, Playground Politics • LaVoie, t’s So Much Work Being Your Friend • Nowicki and Duke, Teach Your Child the Language of Social Success • Winner, Thinking About You, Thinking About Me • Gutstein and Sheely, Relationship Development Intervention • Jeanette Navigating the Social World • Jed Baker, Social Skills Training, The Social Skills Picture Book • Bellini, Building Social Relationships
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