HBR Guide To Better Business Writing

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Smarter than the average guide

Hbr
Guide to
Better
Business
Writing
Engage readers
Tighten and brighten
Make your case
By Bryan A. Garner

HBR Guide to
Better Business
Writing

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Harvard Business Review Guides
Arm yourself with the advice you need to succeed on the
job, from the most trusted brand in business. Packed
with how-to essentials from leading experts, the HBR
Guides provide smart answers to your most pressing
work challenges.

The titles include:
HBR Guide to Better Business Writing
HBR Guide to Finance Basics for Managers
HBR Guide to Getting the Mentoring You Need
HBR Guide to Getting the Right Job
HBR Guide to Getting the Right Work Done
HBR Guide to Giving Effective Feedback
HBR Guide to Making Every Meeting Matter
HBR Guide to Managing Stress
HBR Guide to Managing Up and Across
HBR Guide to Persuasive Presentations
HBR Guide to Project Management

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Other Books Written or Edited
by Bryan A. Garner
Garner’s Modern American Usage
Garner’s Dictionary of Legal Usage
Black’s Law Dictionary (all editions since 1996)
Reading Law: The Interpretation of Legal Texts, with
Justice Antonin Scalia
Making Your Case: The Art of Persuading Judges,
with Justice Antonin Scalia
Garner on Language and Writing
The Redbook: A Manual on Legal Style
The Elements of Legal Style
The Chicago Manual of Style, Ch. 5, “Grammar and
Usage” (15th & 16th eds.)
The Winning Brief
Legal Writing in Plain English
Ethical Communications for Lawyers
Securities Disclosure in Plain English
Guidelines for Drafting and Editing Court Rules
The Oxford Dictionary of American Usage and Style
A Handbook of Basic Legal Terms
A Handbook of Business Law Terms
A Handbook of Criminal Law Terms
A Handbook of Family Law Terms

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HBR Guide to
Better
Business
Writing
Bryan A. Garner

HARVARD BUSINESS REVIEW PRESS
Boston, Massachusetts

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Copyright 2012 Bryan A. Garner
All rights reserved
No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in, or introduced into a retrieval system or transmitted, in any form or by any
means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise), without the prior permission of the publisher. Requests for
permission should be directed to permissions@hbsp.harvard.edu or
mailed to Permissions, Harvard Business School Publishing, 60 Harvard Way, Boston, Massachusetts 02163.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Garner, Bryan A.
HBR guide to better business writing / Bryan A. Garner.
p. cm. — (Harvard business review guides)
Includes bibliographical references and index.
ISBN 978-1-4221-8403-5 (alk. paper)
1. Commercial correspondence. 2. Business writing. I. Harvard
business review. II. Title. III. Title: Guide to better business
writing.
HF5718.3.G37 2013
808.06′665—dc23
2012032809

Find more digital content or join the discussion on www.hbr.org.
The web addresses referenced and linked in this book were live and
correct at the time of the book’s publication but may be subject to change.

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To J.P. Allen,
my lifelong friend

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What You’ll Learn

Do you freeze up when writing memos to senior executives? Do your reports meander and raise more questions
than they answer for key stakeholders? Do your e-mails
to colleagues disappear into a void, never to be answered
or acted on? Do your proposals fail to win clients?
You’ll lose a lot of time, money, and influence if you
struggle with business writing. And it’s a common problem. Many of us fumble for the right words and tone in
our documents, even if we’re articulate when we speak.
But it doesn’t have to be that way. Writing clearly and
persuasively requires neither magic nor luck. It’s a skill—
and this guide will give you the confidence and the tools
you need to cultivate it.
You’ll get better at:
• Pushing past writer’s block.
• Motivating readers to act.
• Organizing your ideas.
• Expressing your main points clearly.

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What You’ll Learn

• Cutting to the chase.
• Holding readers’ attention.
• Writing concise, useful summaries.
• Trimming the fat from your documents.
• Striking the right tone.
• Avoiding grammar gaffes.

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Contents

Introduction: Why you need to write well

xv

Section 1: Delivering the Goods
Quickly and Clearly
1. Know why you’re writing

3

2. Understand your readers

7

3. Divide the writing process into four
separate tasks

13

4. Before writing in earnest, jot down your
three main points—in complete sentences

19

5. Write in full—rapidly

27

6. Improve what you’ve written

31

7. Use graphics to illustrate and clarify

37

Section 2: Developing Your Skills

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8. Be relentlessly clear

43

9. Learn to summarize—accurately

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Contents

10. Waste no words

53

11. Be plain-spoken: Avoid bizspeak

57

12. Use chronology when giving a factual
account

67

13. Be a stickler for continuity

71

14. Learn the basics of correct grammar

77

15. Get feedback on your drafts from colleagues

85

Section 3: Avoiding the Quirks That
Turn Readers Off
16. Don’t anesthetize your readers

91

17. Watch your tone

99

Section 4: Common Forms of
Business Writing
18. E-mails

105

19. Business Letters

111

20. Memos and Reports

125

21. Performance Appraisals

133

Appendixes
A. A Checklist for the Four Stages of Writing

139

B. A Dozen Grammatical Rules You Absolutely
Need to Know

143

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Contents

C. A Dozen Punctuation Rules You Absolutely
Need to Know
D. Common Usage Gaffes

153
163

E. Some Dos and Don’ts of Business-Writing
Etiquette
F. A Primer of Good Usage

165
169

Desk References

199

Index

203

Acknowledgments

209

About the Author

211

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Introduction:
Why you need to
write well
You may think you shouldn’t fuss about your writing—
that good enough is good enough. But that mind-set is
costly. Supervisors, colleagues, employees, clients, partners, and anyone else you communicate with will form
an opinion of you from your writing. If it’s artless and
sloppy, they may assume your thinking is the same. And
if you fail to convince them that they should care about
your message, they won’t care. They may even decide
you’re not worth doing business with. The stakes are that
high.
Some people say it’s not a big deal. They may feel complacent. Or they may think it’s ideas that matter—not
writing. But good writing gets ideas noticed. It gets them
realized. So don’t be misled: Writing well is a big deal.
Those who write poorly create barriers between themselves and their readers; those who write well connect
with readers, open their minds, and achieve goals.

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Introduction

All it takes is a few words to make a strong impression, good or bad. Let’s look at four brief passages—two
effective and two not. See whether you can tell which
ones are which:

1. In the business climate as it exists at this point
in time, one might be justified in having the
expectation that the recruitment and retention of new employees would be facilitated by
the economic woes of the current job market.
However, a number of entrepreneurial business people have discovered that it is no small
accomplishment to add to their staff people
who will contribute to their bottom line in a
positive, beneficial way.
2. In this job market, you might think that hiring
productive new employees would be easy. But
many entrepreneurs still struggle to find good
people.
3. The idea of compensating a celebrity who
routinely uses social media to the tune of
thousands of dollars to promote one’s company by tweeting about it may strike one as
unorthodox, to say the least. But the number of
businesses appropriating and expending funds
for such activities year on year as a means of
promotion is very much on the rise.
4. Paying a celebrity thousands of dollars to promote your company in 140-character tweets

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Introduction

may seem crazy. But more and more businesses
are doing just that.
Can you tell the difference? Of course you can. The first
and third examples are verbose and redundant. The syntax is convoluted and occasionally derails. The second
and fourth examples are easy to understand, economical,
and straightforward. They don’t waste the reader’s time.
You already recognize business writing that gets the
job done—and trust me, you can learn to produce it.
Maybe you think writing is a bother. Many people do. But
there are time-tested methods for reducing the worry and
labor. That’s what you’ll find in this book, along with lots
of “before” and “after” examples that show these methods in action. (They’re adapted from real documents, but
disguised.)
Good writing isn’t an inborn gift. It’s a skill you cultivate, like so many others. Anyone of normal athletic
ability can learn to shoot a basketball or hit a golf ball
reasonably well. Anyone of normal intelligence and coordination can learn to play a musical instrument competently. And if you’ve read this far, you can learn to write
well—probably very well—with the help of a few guiding
principles.

Think of yourself as a professional writer
If you’re in business, and you’re writing anything to get
results—e-mails, proposals, reports, you name it—then
you’re a professional writer. Broadly speaking, you belong
to the same club as journalists, ad agencies, and book

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Introduction

authors: Your success may well depend on the writing
you produce and its effect on readers. That’s why what
you produce should be as polished as you can make it.
Here’s an example you may be familiar with. Various
versions of this story exist—it’s sometimes placed in different cities and told with different twists:
A blind man sits in a park with a scrawled sign hanging from his neck saying, “I AM BLIND,” and a tin cup
in front of him. A passing ad writer pauses, seeing only
three quarters in the cup. He asks, “Sir, may I change
your sign?” “But this is my sign. My sister wrote it
just as I said.” “I understand. But I think I can help.
Let me write on the back, and you can try it out.” The
blind man hesitantly agrees. Within two hours the cup
is full of coins and bills. As another passerby donates,
the blind man says: “Stop for a moment, please. What
does my sign say?” “Just seven words,” says the newest
contributor: “It is spring, and I am blind.”

It matters how you say something.

Read carefully to pick up good style
To express yourself clearly and persuasively, you’ll need
to develop several qualities:
• An intense focus on your reason for writing—and
on your readers’ needs.
• A decided preference for the simplest words possible to express an idea accurately.

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Introduction

• A feel for natural idioms.
• An aversion to jargon and business-speak.
• An appreciation for the right words in the right
places.
• An ear for tone.
How can you acquire these traits? Start by noticing their
presence or absence in everything you read. Slow down
just a little to study the work of pros. This shouldn’t be a
chore, and it shouldn’t be squeezed in at the end of a long
day. Grab a few spare minutes, over your morning coffee or between tasks, and read closely. Find good material that you enjoy. It could be the Economist or the Wall
Street Journal, or even Sports Illustrated, which contains
tremendous writing.
If you can, read at least one piece aloud each day as if
you were a news announcer. (Yes, literally aloud.) Read
with feeling. Heed the punctuation, the phrasing, the
pacing of ideas, and the paragraphing. This habit will
help cultivate an appreciation of the skills you’re trying to
acquire. And once you’ve honed your awareness, all you
need is practice.

Recognize the payoff
An ambiguous letter or e-mail message will require a
“corrective communication” to clear up a misunderstanding—which saps resources and goodwill. A poorly
phrased and poorly reasoned memo may lead to bad
decision-making. An ill-organized report can obscure

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Introduction

important information and cause readers to overlook vital facts. A heavy, uninviting proposal will get put aside
and forgotten. A badly drafted pitch to a key client will
only consume the time of higher-ups who must rewrite
it at the eleventh hour to make it passable—lowering its
chances of success because of the hectic circumstances
surrounding its preparation.
That’s a lot of wasted time—and a drag on profits. But
you can prevent these problems with clear, concise writing. It’s not some mysterious art, secret and remote. It’s
an indispensable business tool. Learn how to use it, and
achieve the results you’re after.
One prefatory note: Asterisks are used in the text
throughout this book to mark examples of incorrect English grammar, spelling, or usage.

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Section 1

Delivering the
Goods Quickly
and Clearly

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Chapter 1

Know why
you’re writing
Many people begin writing before they know what they’re
trying to accomplish. As a result, their readers don’t know
where to focus their attention or what they’re supposed to
do with the message. So much depends on your purpose
in writing that you must fix it firmly in your mind. What
do you want the outcome to be? Do you want to persuade
someone to sign a franchise contract, for instance? Or
to stop using your trademark without permission? Or to
come to a company reception?
Say clearly and convincingly what the issue is and
what you want to accomplish. With every sentence, ask
yourself whether you’re advancing the cause. That will
help you find the best words to get your message across.

Form follows function
Say your firm rents space in an office building that has
thoroughly renovated the entrance and the entire first

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Delivering the Goods Quickly and Clearly

floor. Your general counsel has alerted you that the landlord has violated the Americans with Disabilities Act
(ADA). For example, there are no wheelchair-access
ramps or automatic doors. You’ve decided to write to the
landlord. But why are you writing? The answer to that
question determines much of what you’ll say and all of
the tone that you’ll use. Consider three versions of the
letter you might write:

Version #1
You’re good friends with the landlord, but you think that
the law should be followed for the good of your employees
and your customers. Purpose: to gather more information.
Tone: friendly.
Dear Ann:
The new foyer looks fantastic. What a great way for us
and others in the building to greet customers and other
visitors. Thank you for undertaking the renovations.
Could it be that the work isn’t finished? No accommodations have yet been made for wheelchair
accessibility—as required by law. Perhaps I’m jumping
the gun, and that part of the work just hasn’t begun?
Please let me know.
Let’s get together for lunch soon.
All the best,
Version #2
You’re on good terms with the landlord, but on principle,
you don’t like being in a building that isn’t ADA-compliant.
You have a disabled employee on staff, and you want the
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Know why you’re writing

situation righted. Purpose: to correct the oversight. Tone:
more urgent.
Dear Ann:
Here at Bergson Company, we were delighted when
you renovated the first floor and made it so much more
inviting to both tenants and visitors. We are troubled,
however, by the lack of wheelchair-access ramps and
automatic doors for handicapped employees and customers, both of which are required by state and federal
law. Perhaps you’re still planning that part of the renovations. If so, please advise.
If this was a mere oversight, can you assure us that
construction on ramps and automatic doors will begin
within 60 days? Otherwise, as we understand it, we may
be obliged to report the violation to the Vermont Buildings Commission. Without the fixes, you may be subject
to some hefty fines—but we feel certain that you have
every intention of complying with the law.
Sincerely,
Version #3
You’ve had repeated problems with the landlord, and you
have found a better rental property elsewhere for your
company. Purpose: to terminate your lease. Tone: firm, but
without burning bridges.
Dear Ms. Reynolds:
Four weeks ago you finished renovating the first floor
of our building. Did you not seek legal counsel? You
have violated the Americans with Disabilities Act—as
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Delivering the Goods Quickly and Clearly

well as state law—by failing to provide a wheelchairaccess ramp and automatic doors for handicapped visitors and employees. Because four weeks have elapsed
since you completed the work, we are entitled under
state law to terminate our lease. This letter will serve as
our 30 days’ notice.
Although we have no doubt that your oversight was
a good-faith error, we hope that you understand why
we can’t stay in the building and have made plans to go
elsewhere.
We hope to remain on friendly terms during and after
the move.
Sincerely,
These three letters are quite different because you are
writing them to accomplish different things. Focus on
the reaction you’re trying to elicit from the reader. You
want results. Yet notice how even the sternest letter—
Version 3—maintains a civil tone to foster goodwill. No
hostility is necessary.

Recap
• Consider your purpose and your audience before
you begin writing, and let these guide both what
you say and how you say it.
• Plainly state the issue you’re addressing and what
you hope to achieve.
• Keep your goal in mind: Don’t undermine your efforts with a hostile or inappropriate tone.

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Chapter 2

Understand
your readers
Communication is a two-way exercise. Without knowing
something about your readers—and about psychology
in general, for that matter—you’ll rarely get your ideas
across. What are their goals and priorities? What pressures do they face? What motivates them?

Respect readers’ time constraints
The most important things to realize about all business
audiences are these:
• Your readers are busy—very busy.
• They have little if any sense of duty to read what
you put before them.
• If you don’t get to your point pretty quickly, they’ll
ignore you—just as you tend to ignore long, rambling messages when you receive them.

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Delivering the Goods Quickly and Clearly

• At the slightest need to struggle to understand
you, they’ll stop trying—and think less of you.
• If they don’t buy your message, you may as well
have stayed in bed that day.
Each of these universal tendencies becomes magnified as
you ascend the ranks of an organization. Your job as a
writer, then, is to:
• Prove quickly that you have something valuable to
say—valuable to your readers, not just to you.
• Waste no time in saying it.
• Write with such clarity and efficiency that reading
your material is easy—even enjoyable.
• Use a tone that makes you likable, so that your
readers will want to spend time with you and your
message.
Do these things and you’ll develop a larger reservoir of
goodwill. You’ll not only have a genuinely competitive
edge, but you’ll also save time and money.

Tailor your message
If you’re writing a memo to colleagues, for example, consider where they sit in the organization and what they’re
expected to contribute to its success. Or if you’re responding to a client’s request for proposal, address every need
outlined in the RFP—but also think about the client’s industry, company size, and culture. Your tone will change
depending on your recipients, and so will your content.
You’ll highlight the things they care about most—the
ever-important “what’s in it for them.”
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Understand your readers

Connect with particular readers to
connect with large audiences
It’s challenging to write for a large, diverse group of readers, especially if you don’t know them. But you can make
it easier by focusing on some specific person you know.
In his preface to the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission’s Plain English Handbook, Warren Buffett suggests grounding your prose by having a particular reader
in mind:

When writing Berkshire Hathaway’s annual report,
I pretend that I’m talking to my sisters. I have no
trouble picturing them: Though highly intelligent,
they are not experts in accounting or finance. They will
understand plain English, but jargon may puzzle them.
My goal is simply to give them the information I would
wish them to supply me if our positions were reversed.
To succeed, I don’t need to be Shakespeare; I must,
though, have a sincere desire to inform.

If you focus on a smart nonspecialist who’s actually in
your audience—or, like Buffett, imagine that you’re writing for a relative or a friend—you’ll strike a balance between sophistication and accessibility. Your writing will
be more appealing and more persuasive.
Your readers may have little or no prior knowledge
about the facts or analysis you’re disclosing. But assume
that they’re intelligent people. They’ll be able to follow
you if you give them the information they need, and they
won’t be bamboozled by empty, airy talk.
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Delivering the Goods Quickly and Clearly

NOT THIS:

BUT THIS:

We aspire to be a partner
primarily concerned with
providing our clients the
maximal acquisition of
future profits and assets and
focus mainly on clients with
complex and multi-product
needs, large and midsized
corporate entities, individual
or multiple entrepreneurial
agents, and profit-maximizing
institutional clients. By listening attentively to their needs
and offering them paramount
solutions, we empower those
who wish to gain access to
our services with the optimal
set of decisions in their possible action portfolio given
the economic climate at the
time of the advice as well as
the fiscal constraints that
you are subject to. Against
the backdrop of significant
changes within our industry,
we strive to ensure that we
consistently help our clients
realize their goals and thrive,
and we continue to strengthen
the coverage of our key clients
by process-dedicated teams
of senior executives who can
deliver and utilize our integrated business model. On
the back of a strong capital
position and high levels of
client satisfaction and brand
recognition, we have achieved
significant gains in market
share. We hope that you have
a favorable impression of our
company’s quantitative and
qualitative attributes and will
be inclined to utilize our services as you embark on your
financial endeavors.

We’re a client-focused firm
dedicated to making sure
you get the most out of our
services. Our client base
includes individual entrepreneurs, midsized companies,
and large corporations. If you
decide to do business with us,
we’ll give you financial advice
that is in tune with the current
economy and with what you
can afford to invest. For years,
we’ve consistently received
the highest possible industry
ratings, and we have won the
coveted Claiborne Award for
exceptional client satisfaction
17 of our 37 years in business.
We hope to have the opportunity to work with you in your
financial endeavors.

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Understand your readers

Recap
• Understand that your readers have no time to
waste: Get to the point quickly and clearly to ensure that your message gets read.
• Use a tone appropriate for your audience.
• Emphasize the items most important to your
readers. If they can easily see how your message is
relevant to them, they will be more likely to read it
and respond.
• Choose an intelligent, nonspecialist member of
your audience to write for—or invent one—and
focus on writing for that person. Your message will
be more accessible and persuasive to all your readers as a result.

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Chapter 3

Divide the writing
process into four
separate tasks
Do you feel anxious every time you sit down to write?
Your main difficulty is probably figuring out how to
begin. Don’t try to picture the completed piece before
you’ve gathered and organized your material. It’s much
too soon to think about the final, polished product—and
you will just make the challenge ahead of you seem overwhelming. The worry can take more out of you than the
actual writing.
Instead, break up your work. Think of writing not as
one huge task but as a series of smaller tasks. The poet,
writer, and teacher Betty Sue Flowers has envisioned
them as belonging to different characters in your brain:
MACJ.1 That stands for Madman–Architect–Carpenter–
1. Betty S. Flowers, “Madman, Architect, Carpenter, Judge: Roles and
the Writing Process,” Proceedings of the Conference of College Teachers
of English 44 (1979): 7–10.

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Delivering the Goods Quickly and Clearly

Judge, representing the phases that a writer must go
through:
• The Madman gathers material and generates ideas.
• The Architect organizes information by drawing up
an outline, however simple.
• The Carpenter puts your thoughts into words, laying out sentences and paragraphs by following the
Architect’s plan.
• The Judge is your quality-control character, polishing the expression throughout—everything from
tightening language to correcting grammar and
punctuation.
You’ll be most efficient if you carry out these tasks
pretty much in this order. Sure, you’ll do some looping
back. For example, you may need to draft more material
after you’ve identified holes to fill. But do your best to
compartmentalize the discrete tasks and address them in
order.

Get the Madman started
Accept your good ideas gratefully whenever they come.
But if you’re methodical about brainstorming at the beginning of the process, you’ll find that more and more of
your good ideas will come to you early—and you’ll largely
prevent the problem of finally thinking of your best point
after you’ve finished and distributed your document.
Get your material from memory, from research, from
observation, from conversations with colleagues and oth-

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Divide the writing process into four separate tasks

ers, and from reasoning, speculation, and imagination.
The problem you’re trying to solve may seem intractable,
and you may struggle to find a good approach. (How on
earth will you persuade the folks in finance to approve
your budget request when they’re turning down requests
left and right? How will you get the executive board to
adopt a new mind-set about a proposed merger?) Don’t
get hung up on the size of the challenge. Gathering ideas
and facts up front will help you push through and defuse
anxiety about the writing.
How do you keep track of all this preliminary material? In the old days, people used index cards. (I wrote my
first several books that way.) But today the easiest way is
to create a rough spreadsheet that contains the following:
• Labels indicating the points you’re trying to
support.
• The data, facts, and opinions you’re recording
under each point—taking care to put direct quotes
within quotation marks.
• Your sources. Include the title and page number
if citing a book or an article, the URL if citing an
online source. (When writing a formal document,
such as a report, see The Chicago Manual of Style
for information on proper sourcing.)
As you’re taking notes, distinguish facts from opinions.
Be sure to give credit where it’s due. You’ll run aground if
you claim others’ assertions as your own, because you’ll
probably be unable to back them up convincingly. Worse,
you’ll be guilty of plagiarism.

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Delivering the Goods Quickly and Clearly

This groundwork will save you loads of time when
you’re drafting and will help you create a well-supported,
persuasive document.

Let the Architect take the lead
You may feel frustrated at first as you’re groping for a
way to organize your document. If a sensible approach
doesn’t come to mind after you’ve done your research
and scouted for ideas, you may need to do more hunting
and gathering. You want to arrive at the point of writing down three sentences—complete propositions—that
convey your ideas. Then arrange them in the most logical order from the reader’s point of view (see chapter 4).
That’s your bare-bones outline, which is all you typically
need before you start drafting.

Give the Carpenter a tight schedule
The key to writing a sound first draft is to write as swiftly
as you can (you’ll read more about this in chapter 5).
Later, you’ll make corrections. But for now, don’t slow
yourself down to perfect your wording. If you do, you’ll
invite writer’s block. Lock the Judge away at this stage,
and try to write in a headlong rush.

Call in the Judge
Once you’ve got it all down, it’s time for deliberation—
weighing your words, filling in gaps, amplifying here and
curtailing there. Make several sweeps, checking for one
thing at a time: the accuracy of your citations, the tone,
the quality of your transitions, and so on. (For an editorial checklist, see chapter 6.) If you try to do many things

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Divide the writing process into four separate tasks

at once, you won’t be doing any of them superbly. So leave
plenty of time for multiple rounds of editing—at least as
much time as you spent researching and writing. You’ll
ferret out more problems, and you’ll find better fixes for
them.

Recap
• Approach a writing project as a series of manageable tasks using the MACJ method.
• Use the Madman to gather research and other
material for the project, diligently keeping track
of quotations and sources. And allow more of your
best ideas to come early by methodically brainstorming at the beginning of the process.
• As the Architect, organize the Madman’s raw material into a sensible outline. Distill your ideas into
three main propositions.
• In the Carpenter phase, write as quickly as
possible—without worrying about perfecting
your prose.
• Finally, assume the role of the Judge to edit,
polish, and improve the piece. Do this in several
distinct passes, each time focusing on only one element of your writing.

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Chapter 4

Before writing
in earnest, jot
down your three
main points—
in complete
sentences
A mathematician once told me that there are really only
four numbers in the world: one, two, three, and many.
There’s something to that: Four items just seem to be one
too many for most people to hold in their memory. But a
proposal, a report, or any other piece of business writing
feels underdeveloped when it’s supported by only one or
two points.
So write down your three main points as full sentences, and spell out your logic as clearly as you can. That
way, you’ll force yourself to think through your reasons
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Delivering the Goods Quickly and Clearly

for recommending a vendor, for example, or pitching an
offer to a client—and you’ll make a stronger case.
If you try to simply think things out as you write, you’ll
run into trouble because you won’t really know yet what
you’re hoping your reader will think or do. You’ll flail
about, gradually clarifying your point as you make several runs at it. In the end, after multiple attempts, you
may finally figure out what you have to say, but you probably won’t say it in a way that your reader can follow.

An example of finding your focus
Let’s say your name is Carol Sommers, and you work
at a small management-consulting firm. Your boss,
Steve, owns the business and is considering acquiring a
17,000-square-foot building as his new office. Because
you’re the office manager, Steve has asked you to think
through the logistics and to write up your recommendations before the company makes an offer to purchase the
building. At first, you’re at a loss—there are so many issues to sort through. But you’ve got to start somewhere.
So before you write your memo, you put on your Madman hat and brainstorm a list of considerations:
• Ownership
• Maintenance
• Buildout
• Security
• Offices vs. cubicles
• Real-estate values—comparables?

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Before writing in earnest, jot down your three main points

• The move—bids on movers?
• Timing
• Tax consequences
• Employee and visitor parking
• Environmental inspection and related issues
• Smooth transitioning: phone and Internet service,
mail forwarding, new stationery, updating business contacts, subscriptions, etc.
• Insurance
• Leaving current landlord on good terms
• Taking signage to new location?
These are just topics, not fully formed thoughts. But now
that you have a rough list, you can start the Architect
phase of writing and categorize in threes.

Steve’s responsibilities (before acquisition):
• Consider an environmental inspection to make
sure that the building has no hidden issues. Our
commercial realtor can help.
• Check with our accountant to find out what tax
consequences we might have depending on how
we time the closing.
• Ask the accountant and perhaps a tax lawyer
whether Steve should own the property personally,
whether the company should own it, or whether a

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Delivering the Goods Quickly and Clearly

newly formed entity (an LLC, for example) should
own it. There may be liability issues.

My responsibilities (before acquisition):
• Cost out insurance coverage.
• Interview contractors for building out the space to
our satisfaction. (Note to self: Confirm that we can
roll the buildout into the mortgage.)
• Cost out the annual bill for providing the kind of
security we currently have.

My responsibilities (postacquisition):
• Contract for maintenance (cleaning and trash
services, lawn and parking-lot care).
• Plan the move, with a smooth transition in operations (the physical move, mail forwarding, phone
and Internet, new stationery, address updates, announcement to customers, moving signage, etc.).
• Help Steve plan the architectural buildout to foster
collaboration and use space efficiently.
To come up with all this, put yourself in Steve’s place,
imagining what you’d want your office manager to think
of to help you do your job better. But it also takes a little
legwork—for example, talking to people at firms that
have recently changed locations or acquired buildings.
Can’t find anyone like that through your network? Ask
the commercial realtor to put you in touch with one or
two of its clients.

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Before writing in earnest, jot down your three main points

For each stage, we’ve listed the three big issues—at least
what we think they are. Look how easy it is now to begin
your Carpenter work (writing a useful memo to Steve):

Memo
To: Steve Haskell
From: Carol Sommers
Re: The Prospective Purchase of 1242 Maple Avenue
Date: April 12, 2012
As you requested, I’ve thought through the logistics of
purchasing and moving into the Maple Avenue property.
Here are my suggestions for each stage of the process.
Now
I’d like your approval to tackle the following tasks immediately because they’ll give us a more complete
picture of how expensive the acquisition and move
would be:
• Cost out insurance coverage.
• Interview contractors for building out the space
to our satisfaction. (I’ve checked with the bank to
see if we can roll the buildout into the mortgage,
and we can.)
• Cost out the annual bill for providing the kind of
security we currently have.
Preclosing
If you decide to go forward with the purchase and your
offer is accepted, I’ll take care of these items before we
close on the loan:
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Delivering the Goods Quickly and Clearly

• Arrange for at least one thorough inspection of
the building.
• Work with our accountant, to the extent you’d
like, to get papers in order for obtaining the bank
financing you mentioned.
• Ensure that all due-diligence deadlines are met.
After Closing
After closing, I’ll get into the nuts and bolts of the move:
• Help you plan the architectural buildout to foster
collaboration and use space efficiently.
• Plan the move, with a smooth transition in
operations (the physical move, mail forwarding, phone and Internet, new stationery, address
updates, announcement to customers, moving
signage, etc.).
• Contract for maintenance (cleaning and trash
services, lawn and parking-lot care).
Issues for You to Think About
While I’m attending to the details above, you might
want to:
• Consider environmental and structural inspections to make sure the building has no hidden issues. Our commercial realtor says he can provide
guidance—I’d be happy to set up a meeting if
you like.
• Check with our accountant to find out what tax
consequences we might have depending on how
we time the closing.
• Ask the accountant and perhaps a tax lawyer
whether you should own the property person24

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Before writing in earnest, jot down your three main points

ally (highly unlikely), whether Haskell Company
should own it, or whether a newly formed entity (such as an LLC) should own it. You or the
company may face liability issues with outright
ownership.
Of course, I’m always on hand to take on whatever tasks
you need. Just let me know.
Prewriting in threes resulted in a clear, useful memo. It
helped us forestall writer’s block, organize the material,
and make concise, well-reasoned recommendations.
But did you notice that the finished memo breaks
things down into four categories, not three? As hard as
I tried to think of everything before writing the memo,
I couldn’t. Looking at my preliminary list, I identified
a gap in time—a period in which there would be other
necessary tasks. So I added the preclosing category and
wrote those items on the fly. But I probably wouldn’t have
come up with them if I hadn’t started with a plan. Organizing my main points in sets of three helped me see the
preclosing gap; after that, filling it in wasn’t difficult.
The order of categories changed, too. Why move
Steve’s tasks from the beginning to the end? The memo
was about what you, Carol Sommers, the office manager,
could do for Steve. To think of your responsibilities, you
needed to think of Steve’s. That was your starting point
for brainstorming—but not for your memo.
You couldn’t very well lead by telling your boss what he
needs to do. That’s not your place, and that’s not what he
asked for. So Steve’s to-dos can go at the end, as helpful
reminders. That way, you can focus his attention mainly
on items you’ll take care of to make his decisions easier.
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Recap
• Find your focus by first generating a list of topics
to cover.
• Develop these raw ideas into full sentences and
categorize your main points in sets of three.
• Arrange these sets in a logical order, keeping your
reader’s needs in mind.

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Chapter 5

Write in
full—rapidly
Once you’ve written your three main points so that you
know where you’re going, you’re in Carpenter mode—
ready to put together the ideas you’ve generated and organized. Write as quickly as possible. Your sentences will
be shorter than they otherwise would be, your idioms will
be more natural, and your draft should start taking shape
before you know it. If there’s a painful part of writing, it’s
doing the first draft. When you shorten the duration, it’s
not as painful.

Time yourself
To prevent premature fussing, write against the clock.
(Creative writers call this speed writing. They often use
it as an exercise to get juices flowing.) Allow yourself 5 or
10 minutes to draft each section—the opener, the body,
and the closer—and set the timer on your computer or
phone to keep yourself honest.

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Don’t edit as you go
It’s counterproductive to allow the Judge and the Carpenter to work side by side. That’s essentially multitasking—you’re just doing two things inefficiently rather than
simultaneously. And besides, the editorial part of the
brain is simply incompatible with the production part.
Who needs a fault-finding critic’s kibitzing when you’re
trying to create something new and fresh? You’re best off
keeping the Judge away as you produce your first draft.
You’ll spend plenty of time editing later.

Don’t wait for inspiration
Inspiration rarely comes when you want it to. After the
careful planning you’ve done, you won’t need it anyway.
As the management expert Peter Drucker famously said
about innovation, good writing takes careful, conscious
work, not a “flash of genius.”
If you follow the MACJ process, you’ll inspire yourself—and minimize your procrastinating. Once the Madman and the Architect have worked, you should be
primed to write. Schedule the time when the Carpenter is to begin, and when the appointed time comes, get
started.
Begin by writing in support of what you’re most comfortable addressing. When you get stuck, skip to something else. You need to get into a flow. If you’re still struggling when you come back to that problem passage, say
out loud (to yourself or to a colleague) what you’re trying
to convey. Sometimes speaking will help you find the right
words. The point is to get your ideas on paper—knowing

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Write in full—rapidly

that you’ll still have time to elaborate and perfect them at
the next stage.

Recap
• Write your first draft as quickly as you can.
• Don’t get stuck waiting for inspiration. Try giving yourself 5 to 10 minutes for each section when
drafting.
• Resist the urge to perfect as you write. Saving the
editing until the draft is finished will keep the
Judge from getting in your way.
• Schedule a time for the Carpenter to work—and
when that time comes, begin.
• If you find yourself stumped, move on to a different section you’re more comfortable with and
come back to the problem once you’ve found
your flow.

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Chapter 6

Improve what
you’ve written
Once you’ve written a complete draft, you’ll revise first
and then edit. Revising is a reconsideration of what
you’re saying as a whole, and where you’re saying it. It’s
rethinking the floor plan. Editing is more a matter of
fine-tuning sentences and paragraphs. You need to allow
time for both. On the one hand, don’t let some neurotic
obsession with perfectionism delay important projects.
On the other hand, don’t rashly send things out without
proper vetting and improvement.

Revising
As a reviser, you’re asking several questions:
• Have I been utterly truthful?
• Have I said all that I need to say?
• Have I been appropriately diplomatic and fair?

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• Do I have three parts to the piece—an opener, a
middle, and a closer?
• In my opener, have I made my points quickly and
clearly? And concretely?
• Have I avoided a slow wind-up that unnecessarily
postpones the message?
• In the middle, have I proved my points with specifics?
• Is the structure immediately apparent to my readers? Have I used informative headings?
• Is my closer consistent with the rest—yet expressed freshly? Have I avoided lame repetition?

Editing
When it comes to editing, you’re asking different questions as you read through your sentences and paragraphs:
• Can I save some words here?
• Is there a better way of phrasing this idea?
• Is my meaning unmistakable?
• Can I make it more interesting?
• Is the expression relaxed but refined?
• Does one sentence glide into the next, without
discontinuities?

An example of revising and editing
To understand the process more concretely, let’s take a
look at how an internal memo takes shape through three
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Improve what you’ve written

drafts. The first draft is not very clear and omits important information, but the germ of an idea is there:

First Draft
To: All Sales Personnel
From: Chris Hedron
Subject: Changes in Order-Processing Procedure
In order to facilitate the customers’ placement of
orders, a new order-processing procedure has been
designed. The process will require a customer to enter
the product and/or service code into our order-entry
system, which will then generate a quote for the job and
return it to the customer for approval. This will make
time for the customer to review the quote and transmit
any changes before work begins. Upon receipt of the
customer’s written approval, the quote will be transformed into a work order. This procedure will make it
easier and faster for us to process customers’ orders.
This memo needs some amplification, especially in the
realms of who, what, why, and when. The second draft,
a full-fledged revision, fleshes out much that was unclear
about the first draft.

Second Draft
To: All Sales Personnel
From: Chris Hedron
Subject: New Work-Order-Processing Procedure
Because our current work-order-processing procedure requires a lot of paperwork and phone calls, it’s
difficult for customers to make changes prior to the
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Delivering the Goods Quickly and Clearly

commencement of work. The procedure is inefficient
and subject to numerous errors. And it takes up to four
weeks from quote to approval to work order. So we have
designed a new four-step order-processing procedure
that will allow customers to place orders through our
website and allow us to begin jobs faster.
Beginning in January 2013, we will inform our customers about the new procedure, and on April 20, 2013,
we will implement the new procedure, which will work
as follows. First, to initiate or change a work order,
customers can visit our website to request a quote by
filling out a detailed form and providing a purchaseorder number. Second, we will transmit a quote to the
customer for approval. Third, if the customer approves,
they can return the quote with an electronic signature
and purchase-order number. Fourth, we will transform
the quote to a work order immediately. Work-order
changes can be made using the same procedure except
that instead of a quote, customers will request a workorder change.
The focus there was on saying all that needed to be
said—not on refining the expression. Now, though, it’s
possible to engage in fine-tuning and to produce a muchimproved draft.

Third Draft
To: All Sales Personnel
From: Chris Hedron
Subject: New Work-Order-Processing Procedure
Our current work-order processing takes a lot of paperwork and phone calls, so it’s hard for our customers to
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Improve what you’ve written

make changes to the work before it begins. The procedure is inefficient and subject to error. And it takes up
to four weeks from quote to approval to work order. We
have therefore designed a new four-step procedure that
has two key benefits: (1) Customers can place orders
through our website, and (2) we can start jobs faster.
Beginning January 2013, we’ll tell our customers
about the new procedure. On April 20, 2013, we’ll implement it. The new procedure will work in four steps:
• Customers can visit our website to request a
quote for a job by filling out a form and providing
a purchase-order number.
• We’ll then send a quote for the customer’s
approval.
• The customer can return the approved quote with
a digital signature.
• We’ll instantly convert the quote to a work order.
Work-order changes can be made using the same procedure except that instead of a quote, customers will
request a work-order change.

Recap
• Allow yourself ample time to revise and edit
your work.
• Consider your draft in its entirety. Take a fresh
look at your content and structure: Have you
said everything you need to—and in the most
effective way?
• Then edit your work, fine-tuning to tighten,
sharpen, and refine your prose.
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Chapter 7

Use graphics
to illustrate
and clarify
When you’re writing about complex ideas, for example,
or looking for useful ways to break up a long stretch of
text, you can use a simple, elegant chart to convey critical
information at a glance. Such graphics especially serve
people who want to skim what you’ve written.
A few crucial principles:
• Make sure your graphics illustrate something discussed in the text.
• Place them near the text they illustrate, preferably
on the same page or on a facing page.
• Use legends and keys that readers can easily grasp.
To learn how to produce effective graphics, consult the books of Edward Tufte, especially Envisioning
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Information and Beautiful Evidence. You’ll marvel at the
amount of learning and the sophisticated thought that lie
behind superb visuals.
It would be gross negligence to leave off without a
graphic, so here’s one to round out the section. Note that
when you flip through this book, your eye stops here.
That’s because any departure from the norm achieves a
special emphasis. If every third or fourth page had such a

FIGURE 7-1

The Who-Why-What-When-How Chart

Who are you
writing for?

Key point: Consider your audience’s concerns,
motivations, and background.

Why are you
writing?

Key point: Keep your purpose firmly in mind.
Every sentence should advance it.

What needs
saying?

Key point: Include only the main points and
details that will get your message across.

When are you
expecting
actions to be
taken?

How will your
communication
benefit your
readers?

Key point: State your time frame.

Key point: Make it clear to readers how you’re
meeting their needs.

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Use graphics to illustrate and clarify

chart, the effect would be nullified. So make your graphics distinctive—and don’t overuse them.

Recap
• Distill your report (or part of it) into a chart, diagram, or other visual aid that helps your audience
understand the content and its import.
• Take your design cues from visuals you have found
effective.
• Read the books of Edward Tufte to develop this
skill.

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Section 2

Developing
Your Skills

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Chapter 8

Be relentlessly
clear
Clarity can be a double-edged sword. When you’re forthright enough to take a position or recommend a course
of action, you’re sticking your neck out. People who don’t
want to commit make their writing muddy. Perhaps they’re
trying to leave room for their views to evolve as events unfold. Or perhaps they’re hoping they can later claim credit
for good results and deny responsibility for bad ones.
The fact is, though, that many readers will perceive
them not as savvy wait-and-see participants but as spineless herd-followers who are slow to see (much less seize)
opportunities within their reach. So clean up the mud.

Adopt the reader’s perspective
Always judge clarity from the reader’s standpoint—not
your own. Try showing a draft to colleagues with fresh
eyes and asking them what they think your main points
are. If they can’t do that accurately, then you’re not being
clear enough.
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Developing Your Skills

Your ideal should be to write so unmistakably that
your readers can’t possibly misunderstand or misinterpret. Anything that requires undue effort from them
won’t be read with full attention—and is bound to be
misunderstood.

Keep your language simple
Simplicity breeds clarity. Strive to use short words and
sentences. Over the years, research has confirmed again
and again that the optimal average for readable sentences is no more than 20 words. You’ll need variety to
hold interest—some very short sentences and some longer ones—but aim for an average of 20 words. With every
sentence, ask yourself whether you can say it more briefly.
NOT THIS:

BUT THIS:

Efficiency measures that have
been implemented by the company with strong involvement
of senior management have
generated cost savings while
at the very same time assisting
in the building of a culture that
is centered around the value
of efficiency. We anticipate
that, given this excising of
unnecessary expenditures
and enhanced control of other
expenditures, the overall profitability of the company will be
increased in the near term of
up to four quarters.

Our senior management
team has cut costs and
made the company more
efficient. We expect to be
more profitable for the next
four quarters.

If you’re writing about technical matters for an audience of nonspecialists—for example, explaining the benefits of a software upgrade to end users or putting together an investment primer for your company’s 401(k)
participants—don’t try to define each term in the sen44

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Be relentlessly clear

tence where it first appears. That will bulk up your sentences and make the material even harder for people to
grasp. Sometimes you’ll need a new sentence or even a
new paragraph to explain a term or concept in simple,
straightforward English.

Show, don’t tell
You probably heard writing teachers in school say, “Show,
don’t tell.” It’s excellent advice no matter what you’re writing—even business documents. The point is to be specific enough that you lead your readers to draw their own
conclusions (conclusions that match yours, of course), as
opposed to simply expressing your opinions without support and hoping people will buy them.
Consider these examples:
NOT THIS:

BUT THIS:

He was a bad boss.

He got a promotion based on
his assistant’s detailed reports, but then—despite the
company’s record profits—
denied that assistant even
routine cost-of-living raises.

The company lost its focus and
floundered.

The CEO acquired five unrelated subsidiaries—as far
afield as a paper company
and a retailer of children’s
toys—and then couldn’t service the $26 million in debt.

The shares of OJM stock issued
to Pantheon stockholders in
the merger will constitute a
significant proportion of the
outstanding stock of OJM after
the merger. Based on this significant proportion, it is expected
that OJM will issue millions of
OJM shares to Pantheon stockholders in the merger.

We expect that OJM will issue about 320 million shares
of its stock to Pantheon
shareholders in the merger.
That figure will account
for about 42% of OJM’s
outstanding stock after the
merger.

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WRITE LETTERS TO SHARPEN YOUR SKILLS
Your letter writing is the best barometer of your writing skills generally. And it’s a safe way to practice—to
prepare yourself for your more difficult writing tasks.
Write thank-you letters, congratulatory letters, letters
of recommendation (when asked), complaint letters,
letters to the editor, personal notes (handwritten), and
all sorts of others. If you can write good letters, you can
write just about anything. (See chapter 19, “Business
Letters,” for pointers on how.) That’s because they help
you to focus on others. When you write a letter, you’re
connecting with one particular recipient. And letters
help you build goodwill with people. An e-mail message may create an impression, but it’s far less likely to
be remembered than a personal letter is.
To develop the habit, try writing a few letters a
week. Make many of them handwritten notes. (When
you receive one in a stack of mail, isn’t that the first
thing that grabs your attention?) They’re personal and,
if well done, memorable and even savable. They’ll
help you build and maintain relationships. Write them
to tell those you supervise how much you appreciate
their hard work, congratulate colleagues on promotions, motivate team members to meet goals, let new
partners know you’re eager to start collaborating, and
so on. To write a good one, keep it neat, try limiting it
to one page, make it warm and friendly, use you more
than I, and use tasteful, mature stationery.

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Be relentlessly clear

A short, vague sentence (like “He was a bad boss”) may
register in the readers’ minds—but only as a personal impression that’s potentially biased. It’s credible only if its
source is highly credible. As for the long, vague sentence
about OJM stock, there’s nothing for readers to hold on
to, and they’ll get tired trying.
Concrete business writing is persuasive because it’s
evidence-based, clear, and memorable. When you supply
meaningful, objective details (explaining, for example, that
the floundering company “couldn’t service the $26 million
in debt”), you’re sharing information, not just your opinion that the company “lost its focus.” You earn credibility
by demonstrating a command of the facts. You also give
your message staying power. People don’t care about—or
even remember—abstractions the way they do specifics.
So if you’re marketing your firm’s consulting services
to potential clients, don’t just tell them you’ll save them
money. Say how much money you’ve saved others. Don’t
just promise that you’ll make their lives easier. List the
time-consuming tasks you’ll take off their hands. Don’t
just claim to have deep experience in the health care
industry. Name names: Mention several hospitals and
medical centers you’ve done work for, and include testimonials saying how happy clients are with the time and
money you’ve saved them.

Recap
• Put yourself in the reader’s shoes to assess your
clarity. Better yet, see whether a colleague can accurately summarize the main points of your draft
from a quick read-through.

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• Phrase your ideas as plainly and briefly as possible,
aiming for an average sentence length of 20 or
fewer words.
• Pave your readers’ way with concrete details. Don’t
try to push them there with abstract assertions.
• Cultivate your letter writing to improve your writing skills more generally.

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Chapter 9

Learn to
summarize—
accurately
A good summary is focused and specific—and it’s at the
beginning of your document so readers don’t have to dig.
It gets to the point. It lays the foundation for what’s to follow. There’s no holding back on the crucial information.
Consider the difference between these two openers to
a recommendation that a proposal be rejected:
NOT THIS:
Summary
The cell phone changeover that has been proposed should
be rejected. For the reasons stated below, the company would
not be well served by accepting the proposal.

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BUT THIS:
Summary
Last year, we adopted an officewide policy of issuing cell phones
to all executives and sales reps at an annual cost of $58,000
(including voice and data plans). The Persephone company has
proposed that we switch to its phones and service at an annual
cost of $37,000. The committee charged with evaluating this
proposal recommends that we reject it for four reasons:
1. The new plans would have significantly less coverage in
Europe and Asia, so our international sales reps might
suffer lost opportunities.
2. Our current provider has been highly responsive and has
tailored its service to our needs.
3. The $21,000 savings is dwarfed by potential costs (even
one dropped sales call could result in a loss of much
more money than that).
4. Persephone’s customer service appears from credible
online reviews to be inferior.

What makes the second version better? It can be fully understood by anyone who reads it—at any time. The first
version, by contrast, assumes familiarity: It’s clear to only
a few “insiders”—and for only a limited period. And because it’s vague, it lacks the credibility that the second
version earns through specifics.
Struggling to incorporate the right amount of detail to
make your summary clear and useful? Write a descriptive outline of your document—summarize each paragraph or section with a sentence that captures the who,
what, when, where, why, and how—and try creating your
overall summary out of that. Also, keep your readers’
needs foremost in your mind. What questions will people
have when they open your document? Provide brief but
concrete answers to those questions. These will assure
readers that what follows will matter to them.

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Learn to summarize—accurately

Be brief—but not too brief
People often assume that shorter is better when it comes
to summaries. But brevity without substance is worthless. Never say more than the occasion demands—but
never say less, either. Adopt the reader’s perspective: Fill
in as much information as it takes to get people up to
speed. Think of your summary as the CliffsNotes version
of your document. Although the second example is longer, it conveys the whole gist of the message. And there’s
not one wasted word, which brings us to our next chapter.

Recap
• Summarize the vital information at the beginning
of the document.
• Summarize each section with a sentence that addresses “the five Ws” (who, what, when, where,
why) and how—and use these sentences to build
your general summary.
• Provide only the information the reader needs to
understand the issue—no more and no less.

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Chapter 10

Waste no words
Make every word count. When you mean before, don’t say
or write prior to, much less prior to the time when.
Though prior to is a linguistic choice that the dictionary offers us, it’s a bad choice. Never use two words for
one, three words for two, and so on. Syllables add up
fast and slow people down. Of course, stick to idiomatic
English. Don’t start dropping articles (a, an, the) where
we’d all normally expect them. And don’t cut the important word that left and right—more often than not, you
really need it to be clear. But remove all the words that
aren’t performing a real function. Doing so saves readers
time and effort and makes your ideas easier to grasp and
apply.
Wordiness can exist on many levels, from rambling
statements to unnecessary repetition to verbose expressions that could be replaced by shorter, sharper alternatives. Whatever the manifestation, it’s bad. Consider the
following examples:

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Developing Your Skills

NOT THIS:

BUT THIS:

The trend in the industry
is toward self-generation
by some companies of
their own websites, and
Internet technology is
changing the nature of
training necessary to
acquire the skill of
website development
at an acceptable level of
sophistication, so that
this activity can more
and more be handled
in-house.
[49 words]

Since Internet technology
makes it easier than ever to
develop sophisticated websites, some companies now
develop their own in-house.
[19 words]

We are unable to fill
your order at this point
in time because there is
an ongoing dock strike
that affects our
operations.
[23 words]

We cannot fill your order
right now because of the dock
strike.
[12 words]

I am writing in response
to a number of issues
that have arisen with
regard to the recent
announcement that
there will be an increase
in the charge for the use
of our lobby computers.
[35 words]

You may have heard that we’re
raising the fees for using our
lobby computers.
[14 words]

The greater number of
these problems can
readily be dealt with in
such a way as to bring
about satisfactory solutions.
[21 words]

Most of these problems can be
readily solved.
[8 words]

To trim extra words from your documents, try:
• Deleting every preposition that you can, especially
of: change April of 2013 to April 2013 and point of
view to viewpoint.

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Waste no words

• Replacing every –ion word with a verb if you can.
Change was in violation of to violated and provided protection to to protected.
• Replacing is, are, was, and were with stronger
verbs where you can. Change was hanging to hung
and is indicative of to indicates.
You’ll see all three tricks at work here:
NOT THIS:

BUT THIS:

The manufacturers of tools
for gardening have been the
victims of a compression
factor that has resulted in
an increase in units on the
market accompanied by a
negative disproportionate
rise of prices.
[36 words]

The garden-tool industry has
suffered from an oversupply
of units coupled with rising
prices.
[14 words]

For the near and intermediate
future in terms of growth
goals, Bromodrotics, Inc., is
evaluating its corporate
design needs. The purpose
of this short-term and
intermediate-term evaluation
is to make a determination as
to how the image of the
company might best be
positioned to be of assistance
to the sales force in meeting
its growth goals.
[57 words]

To increase sales, Bromodrotics
needs to improve its image.
[9 words]

Ruthlessly cut words from your first draft, so long as
you remain faithful to the sounds and rhythms of normal, down-to-earth English. Don’t compress words to
the point of sounding curt or unnatural.

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One other trick in that last example: eliminating padding such as in terms of and the purpose of. Sometimes
you’ll find even worse phrases:
in this connection it might be observed that
it is important to bear in mind that
it is interesting that
it is notable that
it is worthwhile to note that
it should be pointed out that
it will be remembered that
Leave all these things unsaid—without saying it goes
without saying that . . . .

Recap
• Never use more words than necessary: If you can
say it in two words instead of three, do so—as long
as the result still sounds natural.
• Tighten your prose by removing inessential prepositions, replacing abstract –ion nouns with action
verbs where possible, and replacing wordy be-verb
phrases with more direct simple verbs.
• Eliminate padding that doesn’t contribute to your
meaning.

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Chapter 11

Be plain-spoken:
Avoid bizspeak
It’s mission-critical to be plain-spoken, whether you’re
trying to be best-of-breed at outside-the-box thinking
or simply incentivizing colleagues to achieve a paradigm
shift in core-performance value-adds. Leading-edge leveraging of your plain-English skill set will ensure that
your actionable items synergize future-proof assets with
your global-knowledge repository.
Just kidding. Seriously, though, it’s important to write
plainly. You want to sound like a person, not an institution. But it’s hard to do, especially if you work with people
who are addicted to buzzwords. It takes a lot of practice.
Back when journalists were somewhat more fastidious with the language than they are today, newspaper
editors often kept an “index expurgatorius”: a roster of
words and phrases that under no circumstances (except
perhaps in a damning quote) would find their way into
print. Here’s such a list for the business writer. Of course,

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it’s just a starting point—add to it as you come across
other examples of bizspeak that hinder communication
by substituting clichés for actual thought.

Bizspeak Blacklist
actionable (apart from legal action)
agreeance
as per
at the end of the day
back of the envelope
bandwidth (outside electronics)
bring our A game
client-centered
come-to-Jesus
core competency
CYA
drill down
ducks in a row
forward initiative
going forward
go rogue
guesstimate

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Be plain-spoken: Avoid bizspeak

harvesting efficiencies
hit the ground running
impact (as verb)
incent
incentivize
impactful
kick the can down the road
Let’s do lunch.
Let’s take this offline.
level the playing field
leverage (as verb)
liaise
mission-critical
monetize
net-net
on the same page
operationalize
optimize
out of pocket (except in reference to expenses)
paradigm shift
parameters

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Developing Your Skills

per
planful
pursuant to
push the envelope
putting lipstick on a pig
recontextualize
repurpose
rightsized
sacred cow
scalable
seamless integration
seismic shift (outside earthquake references)
smartsized
strategic alliance
strategic dynamism
synergize; synergy
think outside the box
throw it against the wall and see if it sticks
throw under the bus
turnkey

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Be plain-spoken: Avoid bizspeak

under the radar
utilization; utilize
value-added
verbage (the correct term is verbiage—in reference
only to verbose phrasings)
where the rubber meets the road
win-win
These phrases have become voguish in business—abstain if you can. Sometimes people use them to enhance
their own sense of belonging or to sound “in the know.”
Or they’ve been taught that good writing is hyperformal,
so they stiffen up when they use a keyboard or pick up a
pen, and they pile on the clichés.
It takes experience to bring your written voice into line
with your spoken voice and to polish it so well that no one
notices the polish.
NOT THIS:

BUT THIS:

The reduction in monthly
assessments which will occur
beginning next month has
been made financially feasible as a result of leveraging
our substantial reductions in
expenditures.

We’ll be cutting your assessments beginning next month
because we’ve saved on
expenses.

It is to be noted that a considerable amount of savings
has been made possible
by reason of our planful
initiation of more efficient
and effective purchasing
procedures.

We’ve saved considerable sums
by streamlining our purchases.

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Hunt for offending phrases
Start looking for bizspeak in all kinds of documents,
from memos to marketing plans, and you’ll find it everywhere. You’ll eventually learn to spot it—and avoid it—in
your own writing. You’ll omit canned language such as
Attached please find and other phrases that only clutter
your message.
Bizspeak may seem like a convenient shorthand, but
it suggests to readers that you’re on autopilot, thoughtlessly using boilerplate phrases that people have heard
over and over. Brief, readable documents, by contrast,
show care and thought. Attached please find is just one
example among many:
NOT THIS:

BUT THIS:

at your earliest convenience

as soon as you can

in light of the fact that

because

we are in receipt of

we’ve received

as per our telephone
conversation on today’s date

as we discussed this
morning

Pursuant to your instructions,
I met with Roger Smith today
regarding the above-mentioned.

As you asked, I met with
Roger Smith today.

Please be advised that the
deadline for the abovementioned competition is
Monday, April 2, 2012.

The deadline is April 2, 2012.

Thank you for your courtesy
and cooperation regarding
this matter.

Thank you.

Thank you in advance for your
courtesy and cooperation in this
regard. Please do not hesitate
to contact me if you have any
questions regarding this request.

Thank you. If you have any
questions, please call.

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Be plain-spoken: Avoid bizspeak

Writing plainly means expressing ideas as straightforwardly as you can—without sacrificing meaning or
tone.
Take Warren Buffett again, one of the smartest business leaders on the planet—and someone, by the way, who
cares a lot about good business writing. Consider how
he rewrote a short passage that he found in a financialservices firm’s business prospectus. Read through the
first excerpt before you read Buffett’s translation below it,
and note the bizspeak phrases that landed on the cuttingroom floor as Buffett tightened and translated:
NOT THIS:
Maturity and duration management decisions are made in the
context of an intermediate maturity orientation. The maturity
structure of the portfolio is adjusted in the anticipation of
cyclical interest-rate changes. Such adjustments are not made
in an effort to capture short-term, day-to-day movements in
the market, but instead are implemented in anticipation of
longer-term, secular shifts in the interest rates (i.e., shifts
transcending and/or not inherent to the business cycle). Adjustments made to shorten portfolio maturity and duration are
made to limit capital losses during periods when interest rates
are expected to rise. Conversely, adjustments made to lengthen
maturation for the portfolio’s maturity and duration strategy lies
in the analysis of the U.S. and global economies, focusing on
levels of real interest rates, monetary and fiscal policy actions,
and cyclical indicators.
Words: 136
Sentences: 5 (All passive voice)
Average sentence length: 27.2
Flesch Reading Ease: 8.2

BUT THIS:
We will try to profit by correctly predicting future interest
rates. When we have no strong opinion, we will generally hold
intermediate-term bonds. But when we expect a major and
sustained increase in rates, we will concentrate on short-term

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issues. And conversely, if we expect a major shift to lower rates,
we will buy long bonds. We will focus on the big picture and
won’t make moves based on short-term considerations.
Words: 74
Sentences: 5 (None passive voice)
Average sentence length: 14.8
Flesch Reading Ease: 60.1

If you analyze the before-and-after prospectuses under
the Flesch Reading Ease (FRE) scale—a test developed by
readability expert Rudolf Flesch to measure the comprehensibility of written passages using word and sentence
length—you can quantify the difference. The higher the
score, the easier the passage is to read and comprehend.
On a scale of 0–100, the original 136-word prospectus on
top scores an 8.2. In contrast, Warren Buffett’s revision
below it scores a 60.1. To give some perspective, Reader’s
Digest scores 65 on the FRE scale, Time magazine around
52, and the Harvard Law Review in the low 30s. Increasing a passage’s readability is not the same as “dumbing
it down.” The revised passage above gives the reader the
same information—but more clearly.
Here’s a shorter example, this time from a community
college’s mission statement:
NOT THIS:
The object of this enterprise is to facilitate the development of
greater capacities for community colleges and not-for-profit
neighborhood organizations to engage in heightened collaboration in regard to the provision of community services that would
maximize the available resources from a number of community
stakeholders and to provide a greater level of communication
about local prioritization of educational needs with the particular community.
[63 words]

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Be plain-spoken: Avoid bizspeak

BUT THIS:
This project seeks to help community colleges and nonprofit
neighborhood groups work more efficiently together.
[15 words]

In both the Buffett example and the community-college
example, the original versions seem to be aiming at
something other than getting the point across. Perhaps
the writers wanted to sound impressive, or wanted to obscure what they were actually up to, or wanted to cover
up the fact that they weren’t entirely sure what they were
up to. Whatever the answer, the original styles won’t
work on any target audience.

Recap
• Aim to write as naturally as you speak: Sound like
a human being, not a corporation.
• Avoid boilerplate phrases that weigh down your
language and suggest lazy thinking.
• Increase readability by expressing your ideas as
directly as possible.

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Chapter 12

Use chronology
when giving a
factual account
Stories are inherently chronological. One thing happens,
then another, then another. That structure works well
not only in books and films but also in business writing.
It’s more likely to be clear and efficient, and to keep readers interested. So include “just the facts, ma’am,” as Joe
Friday on the old TV series Dragnet used to say. Just the
facts that matter, and in the right order.
In theory this point seems obvious, but in practice
writers find storytelling difficult. They often dive straight
into the middle without orienting their readers, and the
inevitable result is confusion on the receiving end. You’re
familiar with this phenomenon. It happens all the time
in conversations with friends or family members: “Wait a
minute. Back up. When was this? Where were you? And
why were you talking to this guy? And where’d he come
from?”
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Suppose you’re sending an e-mail message to give the
status of an ongoing project, and it’s been some time
since the last update. The recipient isn’t as immersed
in the project as you are and probably has many other
things going on. So remind your reader where things
stood when you last communicated about the subject,
and describe what’s happened since then:
NOT THIS:

BUT THIS:

Sarah—

Sarah—

It was hard making
headway with Jim Martinez,
but finally we’re looking (in
the best-case scenario) at a
demonstration of what our
software can do by mid-May,
as I established in my first
telephone conference with
Jim last Monday at 9:00
a.m. He was out Wednesday
and Thursday (I didn’t see
any reason to try calling
on Tuesday), but on Friday
he told me that we’d need
a sample app. But prior to
that, Magnabilify requires
an NDA. Tuesday’s meeting
should clarify things. Let me
know what you think.
Frank

Last week you asked me to
approach Magnabilify Corporation, the software developers,
to see whether they might have
any interest in our customizing
some security applications for
their computer systems. I finally
got through to Jim Martinez,
corporate vice president in
charge of software, and we have
planned a face-to-face meeting
at his office next Tuesday.
The next steps, as I understand them under Magnabilify’s
protocol, will be to enter into
a nondisclosure agreement, to
develop a sample application
(in less than two weeks), and
to schedule a demonstration
shortly after.
Can you and I chat before
Tuesday’s meeting?
Frank

The version on the left reads like stream-of-consciousness. The writer didn’t take the time to step back, think
of the message from the reader’s perspective, and then
lay out the important points chronologically. A story,
even a short one like the narrative on the right, holds the

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Use chronology when giving a factual account

reader’s interest more effectively than jumbled facts interspersed with opinions.

Plot out what happened, and when
When a serious dispute arises within a company, the
lawyers will typically ask their clients to produce a “chronology of relevant events,” detailing the most important
incidents leading up to the dispute. This document helps
everyone involved think more clearly about how things
unfolded. Try taking a similar approach when writing
a document that walks the reader through a series of
events—whether you’re sending someone a project update or preparing an employee’s performance evaluation.
Create a chronology of relevant events to organize the
narrative. Say you did that before drafting your e-mail
message to Sarah in the right-hand example. Here’s how
it might look:

Chronology of relevant events
Last week

Today
Next Tuesday
In two weeks

Sarah asked me to gauge
Magnabilify’s interest in having
us build customized security
applications.
I spoke with Jim Martinez.
Jim and I will meet at his office
to discuss.
If Magnabilify is interested, we’ll
do an NDA, develop a sample
app, and schedule a demo.

Once you’ve laid out the chronology like this, drafting
the e-mail message becomes a lot easier—just a matter
of stringing the events together and asking to meet with
Sarah before next Tuesday’s meeting.

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Recap
• Include only the relevant facts.
• Provide them in chronological order to make it
easy for your readers to follow you.
• Organize your narrative by creating a chronology
of relevant events before you write; then string the
events together in your draft. But avoid the rote
recitation of unnecessary dates.

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Chapter 13

Be a stickler
for continuity
Smooth writing consists of a sequence of well-joined
sentences and paragraphs, not a mere collection of them.
This smooth sequencing requires good planning and skill
in handling transitions, or links that help readers follow
your train of thought.
Watch how a good writer on business ethics, Manuel G. Velasquez, does it with a series of paragraph openers (the links are indicated here by italics):
A Series of Paragraph Openers from
Manuel G. Velasquez’s Business Ethics (2011)

1. How well does a free monopoly market
succeed in achieving the moral values that
characterize perfectly competitive free markets? Not well.
2. The most obvious failure of monopoly markets lies in the high prices they enable the
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monopolist to charge and the high profits they
enable him to reap, a failure that violates capitalist justice.
3. A monopoly market also results in a decline
in the efficiency with which it allocates and
distributes goods.
4. First, the monopoly market allows resources to
be used in ways that will produce shortages of
those things buyers want and cause them to be
sold at higher prices than necessary.
5. Second, monopoly markets do not encourage
suppliers to use resources in ways that will
minimize the resources consumed to produce a
certain amount of a commodity.
6. Third, a monopoly market allows the seller to
introduce price differentials that block consumers from putting together the most satisfying bundle of commodities they can purchase
given the commodities available and the
money they can spend.
7. Monopoly markets also embody restrictions on
the negative rights that perfectly free markets
respect.
8. A monopoly market, then, is one that deviates
from the ideals of capitalist justice, economic
utility, and negative rights.
The italicized transitional phrases steer us from one idea
to the next. Normally, we wouldn’t even notice them. The
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Be a stickler for continuity

transitions in really good writing are almost subliminal—
but they’re carefully placed where readers will need
them. These connections take readers forward in different ways. They can:
• Establish a time sequence: then, at that point,
afterward, as soon as, at last, before, after, first,
initially, meanwhile, later, next, now, once, originally, since, then, until, finally
• Establish place: there, in that place, at the front, in
back, farther back, in the rear, at the center, to the
left (right), up front, way back
• Add a point: and, or, further, also, in fact, moreover, not only . . . but also
• Underscore a point: above all, after all, and so,
chiefly, equally important, more so, indeed, more
important
• Concede a point: although, and yet, admittedly,
at the same time, certainly, even though, doubtless, granted, no doubt, of course, still, though, to be
sure, whereas, yet, while
• Return to a point: even so, nevertheless, nonetheless, still
• Give an example: for example, for instance, in
particular
• Provide a reason: because, hence, thus, for, it follows, since, so, then, therefore
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• Set up a contrast: but, yet, and yet, conversely,
despite, by contrast, instead, on the other hand,
still, then, while
• Set up a conclusion: so, as a result, finally, in conclusion, in short, in sum, on the whole, therefore,
thus, to sum up

Use subheads as transitions
No matter how smooth your transitions are between sentences and paragraphs, time-pressed readers will zone
out if you place a solid wall of text in front of them. Break
up your documents (even e-mails that are longer than a
paragraph) with some signposts to lead people from section to section and help them quickly locate the parts
they’re particularly interested in. A “summary” subhead,
for example, tells readers where to find just the highlights. And subheads that concisely yet clearly lay out
your key points allow people to skim and still get the gist
of your message.
Make your subheads as consistent as you can. For instance, if you’re leading a task force that’s recommending ways to forge direct customer relationships through
social media, you might write each subhead in your body
text as a directive, along these lines:
Use LinkedIn to Get Feedback on Current Products
Use Facebook to Test New Concepts
Use Twitter to Facilitate Chats About Live Events
The parallelism will help your document hang together
both rhetorically and logically.
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Recap
• Use well-placed transitional phrases to guide the
reader to your next idea and indicate its relationship to what came before.
• Break up documents with concise, descriptive
subheads to increase readability and help readers
quickly locate the information most important
to them.
• Use a “summary” subhead to point your readers to
the document’s highlights.
• Use consistent style and parallel syntax in your
subheads to reinforce the document’s logical and
rhetorical cohesion.

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Chapter 14

Learn the basics of
correct grammar
Why nitpick about grammar? Because readers may see
your language—especially your use of your native language—as a reflection of your competence. Make lots of
mistakes and you’ll come across as uneducated and uninformed. People will hesitate to trust your recommendation to launch a resource-intensive project, for example,
or to buy goods or services. They may think you don’t
know what you’re talking about.

Telltale indicators
Consider pronouns. If you don’t know how to handle I
and me, many of your colleagues, partners, and customers won’t take you seriously. Some errors will predictably
get you in trouble:
• “She placed an order *with Megan and I.” (Correct:
She placed an order with Megan and me.)
• (On the phone:) “*This is him.” (Correct: This is he.)
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• “Just keep this matter *between you and I.” (Correct: Just keep this matter between you and me.)
• “*Whom may I say is calling?” (Correct: Who
may I say is calling?)
The rule, very simply, is that I, we, he, and she are subjects of clauses ; me, us, him, and her are objects of either verbs
or prepositions  . In the compound phrasings, try leaving out Leslie and—and you’ll
know the correct form immediately.
Besides pronoun problems, here are the main types
of grammatical errors to watch out for. As for dozens of
other wording issues that can torpedo your credibility,
see Appendixes D and F.

Subject–verb disagreement
A verb must agree in person and number with its subject    . But syntax can
make things tricky.
There is poses a problem because There appears to be
the subject. It’s not. It’s what grammarians call an expletive—not a bad-word expletive (as in “expletive deleted”),
but a word that stands in for the subject in an inverted
sentence. In these sentences, there is just means “exists.”
Take, for example, There is a vacancy on the hiring committee. The uninverted sentence would be A vacancy
(exists) on the hiring committee. Because there seems to
some people to resemble a singular subject, they tend to

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use a singular verb. But there inverts the word order, and
the true subject follows the verb . And, of course, when the
subject is plural, a plural verb is needed.
NOT THIS:

BUT THIS:

There is always risk and
liability considerations to
take into account.

There are always risk and liability considerations to take into
account.

There is many options to
avoid a takeover.

There are many options to avoid a
takeover.

Another troublesome area for subject–verb disagreement involves prepositional phrases that follow the subject. By “false attraction,” they often mislead writers to
choose the wrong verb (singular for plural or vice versa).
The object of a prepositional phrase is never the subject
of a sentence. It may be nearer the verb, but the number
of the subject controls the number of the verb:
NOT THIS:

BUT THIS:

The details of the customized work is delaying the
project.

The details of the customized
work are delaying the project.

The source of our replacement parts and maintenance have not been
selected yet.

The source for our replacement
parts and maintenance supplies
has not been selected yet.

In the first example, work is the object of the preposition
of, so the plural subject details controls the verb. In the
second, source takes the singular has not been selected.
Disagreements can also arise with compound subjects
connected by or, either . . . or, or neither . . . nor. If the subjects are all singular then the verb is singular as well. But
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Developing Your Skills

when one or more are plural, the number of the verb must
match the number of the noun that follows the or or nor:
NOT THIS:

BUT THIS:

Special services or a new
product target a niche
market.

Special services or a new product targets a niche market.

Neither the education fund
nor the training costs is
without budget constraints.

Neither the education fund nor
the training costs are without
budget constraints.

In the first example, the singular subject a new product
after the or mandates a singular verb. In the second example, the plural subject after nor makes the verb plural
as well. Notice that it’s more idiomatic to use the singular
subject or plural subject + plural verb form.

Noun–pronoun disagreement
Strictly speaking, a pronoun must have the same gender
and number as the subject.
NOT THIS:

BUT THIS:

A shareholder may cast their
vote for only one member of
the board.

A shareholder may cast his or
her vote for only one member of
the board.

Although their is colloquially used as a genderless singular pronoun, this usage is not yet widely accepted in
formal writing. And unless you know the sex of the subject, try to avoid using a masculine or feminine pronoun.
If you wish to make a political statement with pronoun
gender (by always choosing the generic feminine, for example), do so: Just know that some of your readers may
be distracted by it or may discount your credibility. The

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Learn the basics of correct grammar

safest course is to use some ingenuity to write in an invisibly gender-neutral way.
NOT THIS:

BUT THIS:

Either the receptionist or
the sales assistant will have
to change their lunch hour
so that at least one will be
in the office at all times.

Either the receptionist or the
sales assistant will have to start
taking lunch earlier or later so
that at least one will be in the
office at all times.

Three candidates responded
to the advertisement for the
financial-officer position.
Each submitted their
résumé.

Three candidates responded
to the advertisement for the
financial-officer position. Each
submitted a résumé.

But back to grammar. When the subject of a sentence
is a singular pronoun such as either, neither, each, or every, other nouns that accompany it have no effect on the
number of the verb:
NOT THIS:

BUT THIS:

Have either of our clients
arrived yet?

Has either of our clients arrived yet?

Neither of the new products
have sold spectacularly this
year.

Neither of the new products
has sold spectacularly this
year.

Each of us are responsible
for the tasks assigned.

Each of us is responsible for
the tasks assigned.

Double negatives
A double negative occurs when back-to-back negatives
are meant to intensify, not cancel, each other. It’s easy
to recognize in dialect (for example, we didn’t have no
choice or it didn’t hardly matter), but the problems can
be more subtle in formal writing. Watch for the word not
plus another word with a negative sense.
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NOT THIS:

BUT THIS:

We couldn’t scarcely manage
to keep up with the demand.

We could scarcely manage to
keep up with the demand.

Another subtle double-negative combination is not
. . . but.
NOT THIS:

BUT THIS:

The clerk couldn’t help but call
the manager for advice.

The clerk couldn’t help calling
the manager for advice.

But indicates a negative or contradiction, so not . . . but
may be ambiguous. The first sentence could mean the
clerk had some other option. The second sentence clearly
states there was no alternative.

Nonstandard vocabulary
In business writing, always use standard English—unless
you’re writing specifically for a niche audience of nonstandard speakers. Broadly speaking, standard English
is characterized by attention to accepted conventions for
grammar, vocabulary, spelling, and punctuation.
You needn’t always be strictly formal—in appropriate
situations, use less formal English. But your prose and
speech must always be professional and respectful.
Dialect is always nonstandard. Avoid using it in
business:
NOT THIS:

BUT THIS:

Where’s the meeting at?

Where’s the meeting?

Me and Kim will handle the
Brewster account.

Kim and I will handle the Brewster account.

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Learn the basics of correct grammar

Nonstandard language may also creep in when writers
rely on the spoken sounds of words:
NOT THIS:

BUT THIS:

They shouldn’t of submitted
those incomplete reports.

They shouldn’t have submitted
those incomplete reports.

Irregular verbs are also fertile ground for nonstandard
language.
NOT THIS:

BUT THIS:

We drug our heels getting
into the mid-Atlantic market.

We dragged our heels getting
into the mid-Atlantic market.

Our late entry almost sunk
our chances against
established competitors.

Our late entry almost sank our
chances against established
competitors.

How to correct yourself
Here are three good ways to brush up: (1) Read first-rate
nonfiction; (2) have knowledgeable colleagues proof your
material and explain their corrections; and (3) browse
through guides on grammar and usage, consulting them
whenever questions arise.
This last method will help you distinguish between the
real rules and the artificial ones that plague so much writing. For example, were you told in school never to begin
a sentence with a conjunction? So was I. But look at all
the ands and buts that begin sentences in first-rate prose.
They’re everywhere. These words, as sentence-starters,
keep readers going smoothly with the train of thought.
They don’t break any real rules—and they never have.
Grammatically, there’s nothing wrong with using
additionally and however as sentence-starters. But

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Developing Your Skills

stylistically, they’re inferior. The multisyllable connectors
don’t join as cleanly and as tightly as monosyllables do.
Do you worry that your readers will think a sentencestarting conjunction is wrong? They won’t even notice it,
just as you never do. Good style gets readers focused on
your clear, concise message. Bad style, by contrast, draws
attention to itself.
For a handy collection of grammar guidelines, see Appendix B, “A Dozen Grammatical Rules You Absolutely
Need to Know.” And be sure to spend some quality time
with Appendix F, “A Primer of Good Usage.” Fall in love
with the language, and it will love you back.

Recap
• When considering verb number, watch for compound subjects, inverted syntax, and prepositional
phrases that follow the subject.
• Never mistake the object of a preposition for the
subject of a sentence.
• Avoid using they/them/their as genderless singular
pronouns in formal writing.
• Avoid double negatives.
• Follow the conventions of standard English.
• Improve your grasp of standard English by reading quality nonfiction, having colleagues review
your writing, and referring to grammar and usage
guides when you have questions.

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Chapter 15

Get feedback
on your drafts
from colleagues
Say you’ve drafted a budget request. Ask people on your
team to read it and make sure you’ve explained clearly,
concisely, and persuasively why you should receive the
funding, for example, to hire two more staff members.
And if possible, get constructive feedback from an objective peer in a different department—preferably someone
who is good at lobbying for resources.
Pay attention to what your colleagues say: Their reactions will probably be quite close to those of your intended readers.

Accept suggestions graciously
A good writer welcomes good edits—yearns for them, in
fact. A bad writer resents them, seeing them only as personal attacks. A good writer has many ideas and tends
to value them cheaply. A bad writer has few ideas and
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Developing Your Skills

values them too dearly. So share your material while it’s
still rough—the feedback will help you make it shipshape
much faster than if you were toiling in isolation.
Try to avoid having your colleagues explain their edits
in person. You may get defensive and have a hard time
recognizing good advice. Invite them to mark up your
document, and thank them for their help.
If you have the people you supervise tightening and
brightening your prose regularly, you’ll benefit in two
ways: Your documents will be more polished, and the
people you manage will, with practice, become better editors and writers. Give them direction, though: Ask them
to look not just for outright errors but also for passages
that are verbose, unclear, or awkwardly expressed. Ideally, you’ll get to the point where you’re accepting 80 percent of their suggestions.

Create a culture where editing flourishes
At my company, everyone who edits or proofreads must
suggest at least two changes per page. No one is allowed
to hand something back—even a short letter—and say,
“It looks good to me!” People can always make improvements by asking, “What did the writer not say that should
have been said? How could the tone be improved? Isn’t
there a better, shorter way of phrasing one of the ideas?”
And so on.
If each reader suggests at least two edits per page, your
typos will get caught—believe me. Typos are generally the
easiest things to catch, so readers will usually mark those
before trying the more difficult task of suggesting stylistic improvements. In the end, awkwardness will disappear. You and your team will look better because you’ll
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perform better. You’ll make stronger, clearer arguments.
You’ll put together more persuasive pitches.
Does this seem like overkill? Consider that every communication you send is a commentary on your team or
company and its level of professionalism. If it’s a printed
brochure or a commercial e-mail with wide distribution,
the more feedback the better. You simply cannot have too
many sets of knowledgeable eyes review the copy.
A dumb mistake can be disastrous—as a major university discovered after printing thousands of commencement brochures with “School of Pubic Affairs” in large
type on the front cover. A photo of this embarrassing gaffe
almost instantly popped up on the Internet, of course,
and the university became the target of many jokes.
When it comes to writing, you want a culture of unneurotic helpfulness. There’s no shame in needing edits
from others. People should freely seek them and freely
give them—without any unpleasant overtones of oneupmanship. Everyone in an organization, regardless of
rank, can benefit from good editing.

Recap
• Routinely ask your colleagues and those you supervise to read your drafts and suggest edits.
• Have them mark up the document and submit
their edits in writing, rather than explaining them
in person, to avoid reacting defensively. Always
thank them for their help.
• Foster an environment where edits are freely
sought and offered—without overtones of petty
one-upmanship.
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Section 3

Avoiding
the Quirks
That Turn
Readers Off

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Chapter 16

Don’t anesthetize
your readers
It seems obvious that you shouldn’t put your audience
to sleep, doesn’t it? It should also be obvious to people
who talk in circles at dinner parties or deliver dull lectures, but consider how many boring speakers you’ve had
to listen to. It doesn’t have to be that way—whether in
conversation or in writing.
Ponder the best conversationalists and the best lecturers you’ve ever heard. No matter how obscure the topic,
they make it fascinating through their technique. They
avoid trite expressions. They use strong, simple words.
Think of Winston Churchill’s famous phrase “blood, toil,
tears, and sweat.” And remember what George Washington reputedly said when questioned about the fallen
cherry tree: not “It was accomplished by utilizing a small
sharp-edged implement,” but “I used my little hatchet.”
Effective writers use the same techniques. Why do you
read some books all the way through but set others aside?

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It’s their style: the way they explain things, the way they
tell the story.
Here are several tips for writing business documents
that hold readers’ attention.

Use personal pronouns skillfully
Don’t overuse I (try not to begin paragraphs or successive
sentences with it), but do lean heavily on we, our, you,
and your. Those are personal, friendly words that add
human interest and pull readers into a document. Rudolf
Flesch, a leading figure in plain-English circles and the
author of How to Be Brief, was one of the first to explain
the need for you:

Keep a running conversation with your reader. Use the
second-person pronoun whenever you can. Translate
everything into you language. This applies to citizens
over 65 = if you’re over 65, this applies to you. It must
be remembered that = you must remember. Many
people don’t realize = perhaps you don’t realize. Always
write directly to you, the person you’re trying to reach
with your message.

Likewise, the words we and our—in reference to your
firm or company—make corporations and other legal
entities sound as if they have collective personalities (as
they should and typically do). People usually appreciate
this down-to-earth approach over the sterile, distancing effect of third-person prose. Compare the following
examples:

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NOT THIS:

BUT THIS:

Whether or not a stockholder
plans to attend a meeting, he
or she should take the time to
vote by completing and mailing
the enclosed proxy card to the
Company. If a stockholder signs,
dates, and mails a proxy card
without indicating how he or she
wants to vote, that stockholder’s
proxy will be counted as a vote
in favor of the merger. If a stockholder fails to return a proxy
card, the effect in most cases will
be a vote against the merger.

Whether or not you plan to
attend a meeting, please
take the time to vote by
completing and mailing the
enclosed proxy card to us.
If you sign, date, and mail
your proxy card without
indicating how you want to
vote, your proxy will count
as a vote in favor of the
merger. If you don’t return
your card, in most cases
you’ll be counted as voting
against the merger.

Use contractions
Many writers have a morbid fear of contractions, having
been taught in school to avoid them. But you won’t be
breaking any real rules if you use them—and they counteract stuffiness, a major cause of poor writing.
This doesn’t mean that you should become breezy or
use much slang—just that it’s good to be relaxed. If you
would say something as a contraction, then write it that
way. If you wouldn’t, then don’t.
NOT THIS:

BUT THIS:

For those customers who do
not participate in West Bank’s
online banking program, and do
not wish to consider doing so,
West Bank will continue sending
them statements by U.S. Mail.

If you prefer not to use our
online banking program,
we’ll continue mailing your
statements to you.

We would like to remind you
that it is not necessary to be
present to win. We will inform
all winners by telephone subsequent to the drawing.

Remember: You needn’t be
present to win the drawing.
We’ll call you if you win.

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Avoiding the Quirks That Turn Readers Off

Stick to simple language
I know I repeat this again and again—but it bears repeating. Readers who can’t follow you will stop trying.

Avoid passive voice
Don’t say “The closing documents were prepared by Sue,”
but instead “Sue prepared the closing documents”; not
“The message was sent by George,” but either “George
sent the message” or “The message came from George.”
This guideline is hardly absolute—sometimes passive
voice is the most natural way to say what you’re saying.
Sometimes it can’t be avoided. (See?) But if you develop
a strong habit of using active voice, you’ll largely prevent convoluted, backward-sounding sentences in your
writing.
How do you identify passive voice? Remember that
it’s invariably a be-verb (typically is, are, was, were) or
get, plus a past-tense verb. There are eight be-verbs and
countless past participles.

Examples of Passive Voice
is + delivered
are + finished
was + awarded
were + praised
been + adjusted
being + flown
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Don’t anesthetize your readers

be + served
am + relieved
got + promoted
You will improve your writing if you minimize passive
voice. (Not: Your writing will be improved if passive voice
is minimized by you.)

Vary the length and structure of your
sentences
Monotony, as Cicero once said, is in all things the mother
of boredom. It’s true of syntax no less than it’s true of eating or anything else. Sameness cloys. So you want short
sentences and long; main clauses and subordinate ones.
You want variety.
NOT THIS:

BUT THIS:

Over a significant period
of time, we have gained
experience helping our
clients improve operational
performance and maximize
both the efficiency of their
human resources and the
economical utilization of their
capital. Ours is an integrated
approach that both diagnoses
and streamlines operating
practices and procedures
using lean maintenance and
optimization tools, while at
the same time implementing
change-management techniques involving mind-sets
and behaviors of those involved in managerial positions
within a given organization.

For many years, we have
helped clients better use their
resources and improve performance. How? By streamlining operations and changing
managers’ mind-sets and
behaviors.

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NOT THIS:

BUT THIS:

In order to provide you, the
user of our products, the option of obtaining free replacements for defective products
from the nearest office, we
offer a simplified processing
without acknowledgment of
the statutory duty (“goodwill”)
regardless of whether the
product has been purchased
there or has reached the user
by another route.

What should you do if you
need a free replacement for a
defective product? Go to the
nearest office. Any of our offices can help even if you did
not purchase the item there.

Avoid alphabet soup
Readers find acronyms tiresome, especially ones they’re
not familiar with. So use them judiciously. It might be
convenient to refer to COGS instead of spelling out “cost
of goods sold.” If you also throw in acronyms such as ABC
(“activity-based costing”), EBITDA (“earnings before interest, tax, depreciation, and amortization”), and VBM
(“value-based management”), the accountants in your
audience will follow you—but you’ll lose everyone else.
Small wonder, too. People don’t want to master your arcane vocabulary to get what you’re saying.
Surely you’ve had this experience as a reader: You
encounter an acronym (a long one if you’re particularly
unlucky) and can’t connect it with anything you’ve read
in the article or document so far. You find yourself scanning backward through the text, hoping to find the first
appearance of that acronym or words that might fit it.
By the time you find it (or give up trying), you’ve completely lost the writer’s train of thought. Never put your
own readers through that.

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Don’t anesthetize your readers

Stick to words when you can. Acronyms make writing
easier but reading harder. Your shortcut is the reader’s
hindrance.

Recap
• Don’t overuse I. Use we, our, you, and your instead
to add a personal touch and appeal to your reader.
• Avoid stuffiness by overcoming any fear you might
have of contractions.
• For clearer, more straightforward writing, prefer
active voice—unless the passive in a particular
context sounds more natural.
• Vary the length and structure of your sentences.
• Make the reader’s job easier by avoiding acronyms
when you can.

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Chapter 17

Watch your tone
Striking the right tone takes work—but it’s critical to the
success of your business documents. If you sound likable
and professional, people will want to work with you and
respond to you. So adopt a relaxed tone, as if speaking
directly to the recipient of your document.

Avoid hyperformality
What do you think of colleagues who say or write “How
may I be of assistance?” instead of “How may I help
you?” Or “subsequent to our conversation” instead of “after we spoke”? When they choose overblown words over
everyday equivalents, don’t they strike you as pompous?
Too much formality will spoil your style. Keep your
writing down to earth and achieve a personal touch by:
• Writing your message more or less as you’d say it,
but without all the casualisms (likes and you knows).
• Including courtesies such as thank you, we’re
happy to, and we appreciate.

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• Using the names of the people you’re writing about
(David Green, not the above-mentioned patient).
• Using personal pronouns (you, he, she—not the
reader, the decedent, the applicant; we understand—not it is understood; we recommend—not
it is recommended by the undersigned).

Be collegial
You’ll have better luck delivering most kinds of messages, even tough ones, if you approach people collegially. Imagine that everything you write will be paraded
before a jury in a contentious lawsuit. You’ll want that
jury to think you’ve behaved admirably. Of course, sometimes you’ll need to take an aggressive stance—for example, when you’re at the last stage before litigation. But
do this only as a last resort, and preferably on advice of
counsel.
Be yourself. Just be your most careful, circumspect self.
People have gotten their companies into terrible trouble—and have lost their jobs—by writing ill-considered
letters, memos, and e-mails. So always summon your
best judgment.
Even if you’re collegial and fairly relaxed, your language will vary somewhat depending on your relationship with the recipient. You’ll be okay if you ask yourself,
“How would I say this to so-and-so if he were right here
with me?” You don’t want a distant tone with your closest colleagues, and you don’t want a chummy tone with
someone you don’t know all that well.

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Watch your tone

Never try to make your readers admit that they’re in
the wrong. It’s unwise to say that they labor under a delusion, or claim to understand, or fail to understand, or
complain, or erroneously assert, or distort. These expressions, and others like them, breed ill will. Instead, treat
your readers with integrity and fairness—and show your
willingness to meet them halfway.

Drop the sarcasm
Sarcasm expresses contempt and superiority. It doesn’t
shame people into compliance. Rather, it’s a surefire way
of irritating and alienating them. Compare:
NOT THIS:

BUT THIS:

Given that Monday was a
bank holiday, as declared
by federal statute no less,
your e-mail of the 17th
of the present month did
not come to my attention
until yesterday. It is with no
small degree of regret that
we note that you deemed
it necessary to send a
follow-up e-mail to us
regarding this matter, since
we are desirous of establishing a relationship of
mutual trust and respect.

Because Monday was a bank
holiday, I didn’t receive your
e-mail message of the 17th
until yesterday. Naturally I was
chagrined that you had to write
a second time. But of course I
want you to call on me whenever I might help.

In the left-hand column, note the deadly combination
of hyperformality and sarcasm, and the annoying subtext: “You wrote on a holiday, you DOPE. Of course you
had to wait for a response.” The chance of “establishing
a relationship of mutual trust and respect” is very likely
diminished.

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Recap
• Arrive at a relaxed but professional tone by writing
your message as if you were speaking to the recipient in person.
• Refer to people by name, use personal pronouns
as you naturally would, and shun fancy substitutes
for everyday words.
• Always use your best judgment and a collegial tone
in composing your messages, even if the content
isn’t positive. You’ll get better responses from your
recipients and keep yourself—and your company—
out of trouble.
• Adopt a tone appropriate to your relationship with
the recipient.
• Never use sarcasm in professional messages. It
will result in a step away from—not toward—your
desired outcome.

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Section 4

Common Forms
of Business
Writing

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Chapter 18

E-mails
When you send e-mails, do you usually receive a useful,
friendly, timely response? Or one that falls short of that
ideal? Or no response at all? If you’re struggling to get
your recipients to focus on your messages, it’s because
you’re competing with a lot of senders—in some cases,
hundreds per day.
Here’s how to write e-mails that people will actually
read, answer, and act on:
• Get straight to the point—politely, of course—in

your first few sentences. Be direct when making
a request. Don’t fulsomely butter up the recipient first—although a brief compliment may help
(“Great interview. Thanks for sending it. May I ask
a favor?”). Spell out deadlines and other details the
recipient will need to get the job done right and
on time.
• Copy people judiciously. Include only those who
will immediately grasp why they’re on the thread.

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Common Forms of Business Writing

And avoid “Reply All.” Your correspondent may
have been overinclusive with the “Copy” list, and if
you repeat that mistake, you’ll continue to annoy
the recipients who shouldn’t be there.
• Keep your message brief. People find long e-mails
irksome and energy-sapping. The more they have
to scroll or swipe, the less receptive they’ll be to
your message. They’ll probably just skim it and
miss important details. Many people immediately
close long e-mails to read the shorter ones. So
rarely compose more than a single screen of reading. Focus your content and tighten your language.
• Write a short but informative subject line. With a
generic—or blank—subject line, your message will
get buried in your recipient’s overstuffed inbox.
(Not “Program,” but “The Nov. 15 Leadership
Program.”) If you’re asking someone to take action,
highlight that in the subject line. By making your
request easy to find, you’ll improve your chances of
getting it fulfilled.
• Stick to standard capitalization and punctuation.
Good writing conventions may seem like a waste
of time for e-mail, especially when you’re tapping
out messages on a handheld device. But it’s a matter of getting things right—the little things. Even
if people in your group don’t capitalize or punctuate in their messages, stand out as someone who
does. Rushed e-mails that violate the basic norms
of written language bespeak carelessness. And
their abbreviated style can be confusing. It takes
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E-mails

less time to write a clear message the first time
around than it does to follow up to explain what
you meant to say.
• Use a signature that displays your title and contact

information. It should look professional (not too
long or ornate) and make it convenient for others
to choose how to reach you.
These tips are pretty commonsensical—but they’re not
common practice. To show you how well they work, let’s
compare some sample e-mails.
Say you’re trying to help a young friend of yours, a
budding journalist, land an internship. You happen to
know the editor of a metropolitan newspaper, and you
send him a message. Consider these two approaches:
NOT THIS:
Subject: Hello there!
Hal—
It’s been ages, I know, but I’ve been meaning to tell you
just how effective I think you’ve been as the editor of the Daily
Metropolitan these past seven years. Although I canceled my
subscription a few years back (LOL)—the papers kept cluttering
the driveway—I buy a copy at the coffee shop almost every day,
and I always tell people there just how good the paper is. Who
knows, I may have won you some subscribers with all my gushing praise! Believe me, I’m always touting the good old DM.
Anyhoo, I have a mentee I’d like you to meet. You’ll soon be
thanking me for introducing you to her. She would like an internship, and I know she’ll be the best intern you’ve ever had. Her
name is Glenda Jones, and she is A-1 in every way. May I tell her
you will contact her? (With good news, I hope!) It can be unpaid.
I know your paper has fallen on tough times—but she wants to
get into the business anyway! Silly girl. Ah, well, what can you
do when journalism seems like it’s just in the blood?
Expectantly yours,
Myra
P.S. You’ll thank me for this!

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BUT THIS:
Subject: Request for an Interview
Hal—
May I ask a favor of you? Glenda Jones, a really sharp mentee
in the township’s Young Leaders program, wants to pursue a
career in journalism, and she’s eager to learn how commercial
news organizations work. Would you spend 15 minutes chatting with her at your office sometime this month, before school
lets out? I know it would be a meaningful introduction for her.
You’ll find that she is a poised, mature, smart, and incredibly
self-possessed young woman.
She tells me that she’s looking for an unpaid internship.
After a brief interview, perhaps you’d consider giving her a
one-week tryout as your assistant. I know you’ve been a mentor
to many aspiring journalists over the years, but here you have a
real standout: editor of her college newspaper, Phi Beta Kappa
member, state debate champion.
No pressure here. If it’s a bad summer for you to take on an
intern, I’ll completely understand. But please meet with her if
you can. I’ve asked her to write to you independently, enclosing
her résumé, to give you a sense of her writing skills.
Thanks very much. Hope you and your family are doing well.
Myra

The first version is colossally ineffective—and if Glenda
gets an internship it will be very much despite the message from her mentor. The writer is inconsiderate (suggesting that journalism is a thankless career), insensitive
(confessing to having canceled her subscription), and
horribly presumptuous (acting as if the recipient owes
her for “always touting” the newspaper and for suggesting this “A-1” intern—as well as assuming that Glenda
must get the job).
The second version is effective because it’s humble,
you-centered, considerate (“No pressure here”), and
mildly flattering (“I know you’ve been a mentor to many”).
Though it’s a little longer than the first one, it gets to the
point sooner, and it provides only helpful information. If

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E-mails

Glenda has any real potential, she stands a decent chance
of getting that interview and possibly landing an internship with this version.
You may occasionally need to reprimand someone in
an e-mail—to clearly explain a misstep, to make a record
of it, or both. Compare these two examples, which show
the right and wrong way to deal with an employee who
sent an offensive e-mail to the whole team:
NOT THIS:
Subject: You Are in Trouble
Ted—
What on earth were you thinking when you sent that “joke”?
Your coworkers sure didn’t appreciate it one bit, and neither
did I. Don’t tell me it was “just a joke.” Haven’t you cracked your
employee handbook and read our company’s policies? You’ve
never done this before, that I am aware of. Don’t ever send an
e-mail like this one again.
Bill Morton
Office Manager

BUT THIS:
Subject: Disruption Caused by Your E-mail
Ted—
What one person considers funny, another may find offensive
and insulting. Several people have complained to me about the
e-mail headed “Have You Heard This One” that you sent everyone yesterday. I was as upset as they were by the foul language,
which is inappropriate for an e-mail sent at work. Our company’s policy does not make an exception for offensive language,
even when used in jest. Please think about how future e-mails
will affect your coworkers. If I receive complaints again, HR will
have to get involved. But I trust that won’t be necessary.
Bill

In the first version, the writer’s anger is clear—and that’s
about all that’s clear. Ted will certainly feel stupid (“What

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Common Forms of Business Writing

on earth were you thinking” and “Haven’t you cracked
your employee handbook”) and scared (“Don’t ever”). But
the writer doesn’t detail what Ted did wrong and why.
And Ted isn’t likely to ask (“Don’t tell me it was ‘just a
joke’”).
The tone of the second version won’t immediately put
the recipient on the defensive. This time, the writer explicitly identifies the source of the problem (“the e-mail
headed ‘Have You Heard This One’ that you sent everyone yesterday”) and explains the effects, the policy violated, and the consequences. Ted is much more likely to
understand his mistake.

Recap
• Be as direct as possible while maintaining a polite
tone. Come to the point of your e-mail within the
first two or three sentences.
• Never click “Reply All” without first checking the
recipient list. Send your e-mail only to people who
need to know its contents.
• Keep e-mails brief. Restrict yourself to one screen’s
worth of text and keep the message tight and focused so your readers get the point fast.
• Write a concise subject line that tells your recipients why you’re writing and what it means to
them. If they need to act on your message, make
that clear in the subject line.
• Diligently adhere to standard writing conventions—even when typing with your thumbs on a
handheld device.
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Chapter 19

Business Letters
Business letters aren’t a quaint thing of the past. They’re
necessary in all sorts of situations—from correcting a
vendor’s error to recommending a job candidate to announcing a new service. Effective ones can increase your
profitability—by getting key customers to renew large
orders, for example, or persuading service providers to
charge you less for repeat business. They can also create
goodwill, which may eventually yield financial returns.
The pointers in this chapter will help you get those
kinds of results.

Use direct, personal language
You see canned phrases like enclosed please find and as
per all the time in letters. They’re high-sounding but lowperforming. Your letters will be much clearer and more
engaging without them.

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TIPS FOR WRITING CLEAR, PERSUASIVE LETTERS
• Focus on the reader. Try not to begin with the
word I; make it you, if possible (“You were so
kind to . . . ,” “You might be interested . . . ,”
etc.). Keep your recipient in the forefront
because—let’s face it—that’s what will hold the
reader’s interest. Not: “I just thought I’d drop
you a note to say that I really enjoyed my time
as your guest last week.” But instead: “What a
wonderful host you were last week.”
• Say something that matters. Make your message pointed but substantive—not just airy filler.
Not: “I trust this finds you prospering in business, thriving in your personal life, and continuing to seek the wisdom that will bring lasting
satisfaction in all your dealings.” But instead:
“I hope you and your family and friends all
dodged the fires last week in Maniton Springs—
which sounded devastating.”
• Avoid hedging and equivocating. Not: “It is
with regret that we acknowledge that we do not
appear at this time to be in a position to extend
an offer of employment.” But instead: “We’re
sorry to say that we aren’t now hiring.”

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Business Letters

NOT THIS:

BUT THIS:

Enclosed please find . . .

Here are . . .; Enclosed are . . .

As per your request . . .

As you requested . . .

We are in receipt of . . .

We’ve received . . .

We shall advise you . . .

We’ll let you know . . .

As per your letter . . .

As your letter notes . . .

We have your order and will
transmit same . . .

We’ll forward your order
promptly . . .

We take pleasure . . .

We’re glad . . .

Due to the fact that . . .

Because . . .

At an early date . . .

Soon . . .

In respect of the matter of . . .

Regarding . . .

People often overwrite their letters—studding their
language with stiff, wordy expressions—when they’re uncomfortable with the message. Consider the difference
between the two examples that follow. The first letter is a
greeting to customers from a hotel manager; the second
is my revision.
NOT THIS:
Dear Valued Guest:
Welcome to the Milford Hotel Santa Clara. We are delighted
that you have selected our hotel during the time when you will
be here in the Silicon Valley area. Our staff is ready to assist you
in any way and ensure that your stay here is an enjoyable and
excellent one in every way.
During your time here at the Milford Hotel Santa Clara, we
would like to inform you that the hotel is installing new toilet
facilities in all guest rooms. This project will begin on Tuesday,
May 8 until Tuesday, May 29. The project engineers will begin
at 9:00 a.m. and conclude for the day at 5:30 p.m. The team
of associates will begin work on the 14th floor and will work in
descending order until completion. During these hours, you
may see the new or old toilets in the guest room corridors during the exchange process, and we will ensure that a high level

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of cleanliness standards will be upheld. We think you’ll soon
appreciate fresh toilet seats. Should you be in your guest room
during the toilet exchange and/or wish not to be disturbed, we
recommend that you please utilize your Do Not Disturb sign by
placing it on the handle of your guest room door.
The vending area should remain sanitary, so feel free to have
a candy bar or beverage of your preference. For your convenience, there are safes located in the bottom nightstand drawer
in your guest room to safely store your valuables. There may
also be available to you utilization of our safe deposit boxes
located at the Front Desk.
We appreciate your cooperation and understanding while
we continue to improve the delivery system and appearance of
our guest room product. Our goal is to minimize any inconvenience related to the toilet-exchange project. Please contact our
Manager on Duty should you have any questions or concerns.
Once again, please be assured of our utmost devotion to the
total quality of your stay within the confines of the Milford Hotel
Santa Clara. On behalf of myself and all the other management
personnel and staff of employees here, we wish to reiterate our
thanks for your selection and confidence that each and every
factor of your stay here will be more than satisfactory.
Sincerely,
[386 words]

BUT THIS:
Dear Valued Guest:
Welcome to the Milford Hotel Santa Clara. We’re delighted
you’re staying here, and we’re ready to help make your stay both
enjoyable and productive.
This month, we’re renovating the bathrooms, starting with
the 14th floor and working our way down. Although you may
have occasion to see or hear workers (during the day), we’re
striving to minimize disruptions.
Always feel free to use your “Do Not Disturb” sign while you’re
in your room to ensure that our staff will respect your privacy.
And if the renovations ever become a nuisance, please call me
(extension 4505): I’ll see what I can do. The renovations are but
one example of our commitment to providing first-rate lodging.
Thank you again for joining us.
Sincerely,
[125 words]

The original is verbose (guest room product), perversely
repetitious (the word toilet appears five times), hyper-

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Business Letters

bolic (excellent . . . in every way), bureaucratic-sounding
(there may also be available to you utilization), unpleasantly vivid (you may see the new or old toilets), and even
gross (have a candy bar right after you may see the new
or old toilets). It seems destined to arouse ill-feeling and
to drive away customers who bother to read it. The revised version, by contrast, conveys warmth and consideration with its “you” focus.
Start fast, and say what you need to say in the simplest way you can. Think of Olympic diving: neatly in, no
splash, soon out. And if you’re writing on behalf of your
firm, use we. It’s much warmer and friendlier than the
passive voice (It has been decided vs. We have decided) or
the impersonal third person (this organization vs. we).
Consider the difference:
NOT THIS:

BUT THIS:

The Mercantile Association
of Greater Gotham is delighted
to count you among its newest
members. The Mercantile Association will provide not only
networking opportunities but
also advantageous insurance
rates, concierge services,
and Internet advertising to its
members. If you ever confront
business issues with which
the Mercantile Association
might be able to devote its
resources, it stands ready to
be of assistance.

Here at the Mercantile Association of Greater Gotham,
we’re delighted to count you
among our newest members.
We provide not only networking opportunities but also
advantageous insurance
rates, concierge services, and
Internet advertising. If you
ever confront business issues
we can help with, we’ll do
whatever we can. Just let us
know.

In the left-hand example, passive voice (is delighted)
and repetition of the organization’s name (it appears
in every sentence) put distance between the writer and
the reader. They make the communication sound like a

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commercial or promotion. But the yous and wes in the
version on the right create a sense of belonging, a personal
connection.

Motivate readers to act
Business letters get results when they meet readers’
needs. To get people to do something, give them reasons
they’ll care about.
Consider one of the most challenging kinds of letters
to write: a fund-raising appeal for a nonprofit group. The
key is to understand why people give money to charitable
organizations. Although marketers often cite seven “fundamental motivators” to explain responses—fear, guilt,
exclusivity, greed, anger, salvation, and flattery—the reality is a bit more nuanced. Some combination of eight
major reasons might motivate donors to send money in
response to your appeal:
• They believe their gifts will make a difference.
• They believe in the value of organizations like
yours.
• They will receive favorable recognition for the gift.
• They will be associated with a famous or respected
person.
• They will enhance their sense of belonging to a
worthy group.
• They will be able to relieve emotional burdens
such as fear and guilt.

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Business Letters

• They feel a sense of duty.
• They will receive tax benefits.
Certain principles follow from these reasons for giving.
A successful fund-raising letter must (1) appeal directly
from one person to another; (2) depict an opportunity
for the recipient to satisfy personal needs by supporting
a worthwhile aim; and (3) prompt the recipient to take a
specific, decisive action. (These principles apply to other
types of business letters as well.)
Note how all this theory plays out in an actual fundraising letter:

Dear Marion:
May I count you in as a table sponsor at the Annual
Dinner of the Tascosa Children’s Home of North Texas?
Your sponsorship will pay a month’s room and board for
one of the 50 orphaned teenagers that we care for.
The event will be held at 6:00 p.m. on July 1 at
Snowdon Country Club, and the emcee will be the
nationally syndicated television host Spooner Hudson—
our longtime national spokesperson. Celebrity chef
Margrit Lafleur promises to serve up one of his memorable dinners, and the wines will be personally selected
by master sommelier Peter Brunswick. Most excitingly,
two mystery guests from Beverly Hills will be there that
evening—among the best-known philanthropists in the
world.
As a table sponsor, you’ll be credited as one of our
Patron Angels—and, believe me, the tangible gratitude

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Common Forms of Business Writing

of our kids will bring you the lasting satisfaction that
you have vastly improved their lives and well-being.
Our kids are reachable and teachable, but only through
the generosity of our community’s philanthropic
leaders.
Many people, of course, can’t help us in our mission. We count on our Patron Angels. I hope you’ll
spend a few minutes browsing through the Home’s
brochure (enclosed) and that you’ll fill out the card
committing to fill ten seats at your table (a $1,500
tax-deductible gift).
I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Sincerely,
Now look again at the bulleted list that precedes the
letter to Marion (our fictitious recipient): The writer
deals with every item on the list. With a letter like that,
you can hope to elicit prompt action from an acceptable
percentage of recipients.

Ease into bad news
If you have a rejection to deliver in your letter, sandwich
it between happier elements. Don’t start with a direct
“no.” Your readers can bear disappointment more easily
if you begin on a genuine positive note and then explain
the reason for the negative decision. They’ll also be more
likely to grant your wishes—make a purchase, sign up for
your webinar, renew a membership—despite your denying theirs.

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Business Letters

NOT THIS:

BUT THIS:

We regret to inform you
that we cannot supply the
500 copies of Negotiate It
Now! at the 60% discount
that you have requested.
No one—not even one of
our authors, and not even
the biggest bookselling
chains—receives such a hefty
discount. If you would care
to resubmit your order at the
more modest figure of 30%,
we will gladly consider the
order at that time. But I can
offer no guarantees.

How rewarding to hear that
you intend to use Negotiate
It Now! as part of your business summit. You’ve chosen
the best book on the subject,
and we’d be delighted to supply it.
Although you’ve requested
a 60% discount off list price,
the most we can offer is 30%.
That’s the largest discount
available to anyone, and we’re
happy to extend it to you with
a purchase of 500 copies.

Recipients of bad news will probably be unhappy no
matter what. But to some extent you can control just how
unhappy they’ll be. Some tips:
• Adopt the reader’s perspective—and be your best
self. If your correspondent is rude, be polite; if
anxious, be sympathetic; if confused, be lucid; if
stubborn, be patient; if helpful, show gratitude;
if accusatory, be reasonable and just in admitting
any faults.
• Answer questions directly.
• Don’t overexplain. Say only as much as necessary
to get your point across.
• Put things in the simplest possible terms—never
use “insider talk” or bizspeak.
• Use the voice of a thoughtful human being, not a
robot.

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Even if your letter grants a benefit or request, it may
irk the recipient if it does so in a way that puzzles, sounds
grudging, or seems indifferent to the reader’s predicament.
NOT THIS:

BUT THIS:

Joan—
In response to your
request for a travel subsidy
to the conference where
your award will be given,
Jonathan has reminded me
of our current discretionaryspending freeze. He has decided, however, to make an
exception in this instance so
long as your flight is no more
than $400 and you stick to a
$50 per diem. Please submit
your fully documented expenses upon your return.

Joan—
Congratulations on your
Spivey Award! We’re delighted
for you. Jonathan hastened to
tell me that despite our current
discretionary-spending freeze,
he wants to support your travel
to accept your award. We can
manage a $400 flight reimbursement and a $50 per diem
for on-the-ground expenses.
You’ll be a great company representative, I know, and I only
wish I could be there myself to
see you honored.

Sincerely,
Rebekah
Brandy—
At this time you have
now used up all your available sick-leave days and
vacation days for the year. A
sister-in-law does not qualify
for the closeness of relation
required for an employee to
be eligible for compensated
bereavement leave, so you
will be docked for any days
you choose to be absent
next week around the time
of the funeral. I’m afraid that
policy is simply inflexible,
and I checked with Jane to
confirm this.

Sincerely,
Rebekah
Brandy—
Once again I want to extend
my condolences for your family’s loss. Take the time you
need next week to be with
your family. I’m sorry to report
that the days will be uncompensated, according to our
policies for bereavement leave,
but I hope you’ll call on me if
I can do anything else for you
in this time of need. Jane joins
me in sending our heartfelt
sympathies.
Sincerely,
Pamela

Sincerely,
Pamela

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Business Letters

ENCLOSED PLEASE FIND
See what business-writing authors have long said about
this wooden phrase and others like it:
Richard Grant White (1880): “[Please find enclosed:] A more ridiculous use of words, it seems to
me, there could not be.”
Sherwin Cody (1908): “All stereotyped words [that]
are not used in talking should be avoided in letter
writing. There is an idea that a certain peculiar commercial jargon is appropriate in business letters.
The fact is, nothing injures business more than this
system of words found only in business letters. The
test of a word or phrase or method of expression
should be, ‘Is it what I would say to my customer if I
were talking to him instead of writing to him?’”
Wallace E. Bartholomew & Floyd Hurlbut (1924):
“Inclosed herewith please find. Inclosed and herewith
mean the same thing. How foolish to tell your reader
twice exactly where the check is, and then to suggest
that he look around to see if he can find it anywhere.
Say, ‘We are inclosing our check for $25.50.’”
A. Charles Babenroth (1942): “Enclosed please find.
Needless and faulty phraseology. The word please

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Common Forms of Business Writing

has little meaning in this instance, and the word
find is improperly used. poor: Enclosed please find
sample of our #1939 black elastic ribbon. better:
We are enclosing (or We enclose) a sample of our
#1939 black elastic ribbon.”
L. E. Frailey (1965): “So much for the worn-out,
hackneyed expressions [enclosed herewith, enclosed please find, herewith please find] so often
seen in business letters—whiskers, rubber-stamps,
chestnuts, call them what you please. They are
sleeping pills [that] defeat the aim of making every
letter a warm, personal contact with the reader.”
Gerald J. Alred, Charles T. Brusaw, & Walter E.
Oliu (1993): “Using unnecessarily formal words
(such as herewith) and outdated phrases (such
as please find enclosed) is another cause of
affectation.”
Kelly Cannon (2004): “[I]n any business letter,
certain principles are universal. ‘Inure to the benefit
of’ is four words too long, ‘enclosed please find’
sounds pompous and silly, and ‘I am writing this
letter to inform you that . . .’ is a thoughtless statement of the obvious.”

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Don’t write in anger
Be kind and diplomatic, and say please and thank you.
Courtesy is necessary to all business transactions—even
letters of complaint. Omit it, and you’ll be dismissed as a
crank. You can be courteous while still being direct.
NOT THIS:

BUT THIS:

We are astonished at
your complaint. The brochures that we printed were
exactly as you specified. You
okayed the sample paper,
the typesetting, and the
proofreading (we gave you
an extra three hours). You
chose the hot-pink borders with the fine-screen
halftones in the body type
against our advice. You
insisted on drop-shipping by
the 18th, and as you know,
a rushed job does not allow
for first-rate press work.
Moreover, we quoted you
a bargain-basement price.
Under the circumstances we
believe that any unbiased
observer would say that we
performed remarkably well
under the impossible conditions you imposed.

We agree with you that
the brochures did not match
the high standards you have
a right to expect from us. But
we believed, in this instance,
that you considered the color
quality less crucial than a low
price and a quick turnaround.
So we pushed the work through
production in three days’ less
time than we usually require.
We advised against your
using hot-pink borders and
fine-screen halftones on the
grade of paper you chose. Still,
we exercised some ingenuity to
achieve better results than are
ordinarily possible. I mention
this not to avoid responsibility
but merely to suggest that we
did the best that could be done
under difficult circumstances. If
you’ll allow us a few more days
next time, as you ordinarily do,
the results will be better.

As you can see, a combative, superior tone irritates and
alienates the reader—and probably loses a customer. A
more diplomatic approach still gets the point across (rush
jobs always take a hit on quality), but without souring the
relationship.

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When you receive unreasonable letters, don’t ever respond in kind. That just starts a negative chain reaction.
Approach complaints with a dedication to first-rate service. Write with the same warmth and friendliness you’d
use in face-to-face conversations. If you or your company
made a mistake, avoid the temptation to ignore it, cover
it up, or shift the blame. Instead of deceiving readers,
you’ll provoke more ire. When you blunder, admit error
and say what you’ve done (or will be doing) to correct it.
Stress the desire to improve service.

Recap
• Keep your language simple, personal, and direct.
Avoid canned phrases that add little but pomposity
and verbiage to your letter.
• Motivate your readers to act on your letter by giving them reasons that matter to them.
• When conveying bad news, soften the blow by
opening on a positive note. Follow up by explaining the reason for the unfavorable outcome—
without overexplaining.
• Consider the reader: Be polite, sympathetic, and
professional.
• Remain courteous and diplomatic. Accept responsibility for any mistakes you may have made.

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Chapter 20

Memos and
Reports
Memos and reports are often used to get people up to
speed on an issue, to induce action, or both. So make it
immediately clear in each element—your title, summary,
body, and conclusion—what you want readers to learn
about or do.

Pick a short, clear title
Whether you’re writing a memo’s subject line or a report
title, choose concise, sure-footed language that says exactly what the document is about.
NOT THIS:

BUT THIS:

Subject: Siegelson

Subject: Approval of Siegelson
Acquisition

Subject: Settlement

Subject: Why We Should Reject Frost’s
Settlement Offer

Subject: Print Run

Subject: Ginsburg Autobiography Print
Run

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The titles on the left hint at the topics covered but don’t
let readers know what they’re supposed to do with the information. Those on the right are more pointed (without
being wordy): The first and third titles promise status updates; the second asks readers to follow a recommendation.

Summarize key specifics up front
Figure out how many main issues you’re addressing—
preferably no more than three (see chapter 4)—and then
for each one state: (1) the issue in a way that anyone can
understand, (2) your solution, and (3) the reason for your
solution. Here’s an example:

Summary
Issue: Arnold Paper Supply has consistently failed to
meet our deadlines for delivery of multicolor, printed
cardstock.

Proposed Solution: Switch to National Paper and
Plastics Company, which has a higher fixed fee.

Reason: Though National Paper and Plastics Company has a higher rate per delivery, its turnaround
is quicker. This will increase efficiency in the warehouse, allow us to fill more orders, and help us to
establish goodwill with retailers who have been angry
with us for not meeting their deadlines.
By sharing everything important at the beginning of
the document, you’ll end up repeating yourself—but in a
way that’s reinforcing, not redundant. Readers will get a
quick orientation with your very short version up front;

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the fully elaborated version in the body will unpack each
point, providing details and data for support. I recommend going back and forth between the summary and
the body when writing your first draft: Start by stating
the problem and offering your best shot at the answer in
your summary. As you do more work on the body of the
memo or report, you’ll go back and refine the problem
and the answer.
Write your summary for three types of readers:
• A primary audience of one or more executives
interested only in a quick status update, your
findings and conclusions about a problem, or your
recommendations.
• A line of readers who may be called in (with or
without your knowledge) to assess the soundness
of your document, judging its merits according to
their own fact-checking and critical analysis.
• Future readers (including those in the first category two years from now) who will be required
to quarry information from your document some
time after you’ve written it. (After all, memos and
reports are rarely acted on quickly: They may be
laid aside for weeks or months or even years before
anyone has the resources—or a mandate—to act.)
All three types of readers have a legitimate claim to
your attention. More important, you need to win them all
over if you want your recommendations to go anywhere.
Even if someone else has assigned you the question
you’re exploring, you must define it in your summary.

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Common Forms of Business Writing

WHEN WRITING A REPORT . . .
• Make sure you understand why you’re writing
and what you’re reporting on.
• Do your best, in light of your background knowledge and initial research, to write a summary
that concisely states the problem, your solution,
and why your solution will work or why it’s preferable to alternatives.
• Discern sources of relevant information.
• From those sources, gather all the data and
explanations that you can.
• Synthesize relevant observations and inferences
and throw out the rest.
• Put your findings into report form.
• Revise your summary to match your body text.

You, the writer, are in the best position to limit its scope:
The person who did the assigning may not know enough
about the problem to raise the right question—or to understand that it actually contains three subquestions.
In fact, you won’t know these things until you do your
research, which may involve digging up data that reveal
where the problem lurks, reading about how other organizations have tried to solve it, talking with people who
have discovered some helpful workarounds, and so on.

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You should do enough research to understand the problem. Then you state the problem so clearly that anyone
could understand why it’s worth solving.
If you’re making a recommendation, say (1) what
needs to be done, (2) who should do it, (3) when and
where it should be done, (4) why it should be done, and
(5) how it should be done.
A brief marketing report might look like this:

Marketing Strategy for Skinny Mini Line of Chocolates
Summary
Issue: Within the last fiscal year, Pantheon Chocolate’s
sales have dropped from $13,320,000 to $10,730,000,
but its market share remains unchanged at 37%.
Proposed Solution: Increase promotion of the Skinny
Mini line of chocolates. These chocolates contain less
sugar and fat than the regular line.
Reason: Health-conscious consumers want low-calorie
options but don’t want to sacrifice full flavor. The Skinny
Mini chocolates have fewer calories than Pantheon’s
regular chocolates but the same flavor.
Consumers are buying more “healthy alternative”
chocolates
Because consumers increasingly regard sugar and fat as
unhealthy, they are not buying as much high-end gourmet chocolate as they were a year ago. This has led to
a decline in sales for all high-end chocolate makers, including Pantheon. But for candies marketed as “healthy
alternatives” with less sugar and fat and fewer calories,
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Common Forms of Business Writing

sales have increased 42% in the same period. Marketing
studies show that consumers of “healthy alternative”
candies are most attracted to low-calorie chocolates
that are packaged in specific-calorie portions rather
than by weight.
These consumers also complain that low-calorie
candies lack the rich flavor that they are used to,
and they are willing to pay more for quality. Pantheon already produces a line of low-calorie gourmet
chocolates, Skinny Minis, that have fewer calories than
Pantheon’s regular candies but the same flavor. They’re
currently sold by the pound or in gift boxes in high-end
chocolate boutiques and as elegantly wrapped bars in
coffee shops.
Recommendations
• To reach more health-conscious consumers,
Pantheon should package Skinny Mini chocolates in a variety of portion-controlled sizes and
make them available in health-food stores and
supermarkets as well as the chocolate and coffee shops.
• The marketing campaign should stress the controlled portion and limited calories of each Skinny
Mini bar or gift box, and the packaging should
boldly display the low calorie count.

Recap
• Choose a concise title or subject line that tells
readers what topics the memo or report covers

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Memos and Reports

and what they should do about it (or why they
should care).
• Begin your document by addressing your main
points and outlining the issue, your solution, and
the reason for it.
• Work from this summary when elaborating the
body of your first draft.
• Modify the summary as you go to ensure that it
accurately reflects what’s in the body.

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Chapter 21

Performance
Appraisals
Writing performance appraisals, sometimes called employee reviews, needn’t be a dreaded responsibility. As
long as you have gathered your facts in advance—reviewed the notes you’ve taken throughout the year, asked
others for feedback on the people you supervise, and
carefully read people’s self-assessments—the drafting
isn’t onerous if you have an ample evaluative vocabulary. I’ve written this chapter so you’ll have some helpful
phrases at the ready.
The sample phrases that follow address seven aspects
of work: attitude, efficiency, human relations, judgment,
knowledge, reliability, and communication skills. But
you can adapt the wording to suit whatever qualities
you’d like to focus on. Then it’s a matter of pairing the
phrases with specifics that support them. For example:
“When we had several layoffs last June, Lauren remained
utterly calm and collected while demonstrating keen sensitivity to those who lost their jobs. She [fill in whatever
particular action was noteworthy].”
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Attitude
Superb

Good

Acceptable

Needs Improvement

Poor

•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•

shows unwavering commitment
always gives maximal effort
is always friendly and happy to help
always brings out the best in others
shows strong commitment
usually makes a strong effort
is usually friendly and happy to help
usually brings out the best in others
shows adequate commitment
makes an effort
is often friendly and happy to help
is often a positive influence on the group
could show more commitment
doesn’t always make an effort
is sometimes quarrelsome
sometimes creates tension within the group
lacks commitment
rarely makes a real effort
is quarrelsome and sometimes even hostile
often creates tension within the group

•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•

never wastes time or effort
delegates effectively
always completes tasks on time
can manage many projects at a time
rarely wastes time or effort
usually delegates appropriately
almost always completes tasks on time
can manage several projects at a time
usually doesn’t waste time or effort
delegates pretty well
usually completes tasks on time
can manage more than one project at
a time
sometimes wastes time and effort
tries to do too much without delegating
fails to complete tasks on time
cannot manage more than one project at a
time
often wastes time and effort
usually fails to delegate when appropriate
can’t be counted on to complete tasks on time
struggles to manage even one project at a time

Efficiency
Superb

Good

Acceptable

Needs Improvement

•
•
•
•

Poor

•
•
•
•

Human relations
Superb

• demonstrates keen sensitivity to others and an
uncanny ability to understand their needs
• participates actively and collegially in meetings
• works exceptionally well on teams
• relates to customers extremely well

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Performance Appraisals

Good

Acceptable

Needs Improvement

•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•

Poor

•
•
•
•

usually demonstrates sensitivity to others
participates effectively in meetings
works effectively on teams
relates to customers well
often demonstrates sensitivity to others
participates adequately in meetings
gets along with fellow team members
relates to customers competently
does not always pick up on interpersonal cues
sometimes wastes others’ time in meetings
is sometimes motivated more by personal goals
than by team goals
sometimes alienates customers through
inattention
rarely pays attention to others’ reactions
often wastes others’ time in meetings
does not work well on teams
often alienates customers with impoliteness and
sarcasm

Judgment
Superb

Good

Acceptable

Needs Improvement

• makes excellent choices and informed
decisions
• remains utterly calm and collected even in times
of crisis
• knows precisely which problems need immediate attention and which ones can wait
• behaves professionally and appropriately in
every situation
• makes sound choices and reasonable decisions
• remains relatively calm and collected even in
times of crisis
• generally knows which problems need immediate attention and which ones can wait
• behaves professionally and appropriately
• generally makes sound choices and informed
decisions
• remains mostly calm and collected except in
times of crisis
• does a pretty good job distinguishing between
problems that need immediate attention and
those that can wait
• generally behaves professionally and
appropriately
• sometimes makes poor choices and ill-informed
decisions
• sometimes lacks the calm and collected demeanor required in high-pressure circumstances
• often doesn’t distinguish between problems
that need immediate attention and those that
can wait
• sometimes behaves unprofessionally and
inappropriately

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Judgment (continued)
Poor

• often makes poor choices and ill-informed
decisions
• often lacks the calm and collected demeanor
required in high-pressure circumstances
• typically fails to distinguish between problems
that need immediate attention and those that
can wait
• often behaves unprofessionally and
inappropriately

Knowledge
Superb

Good

Acceptable

Needs Improvement

Poor

• is exceptionally well informed about all aspects
of the job
• demonstrates extraordinarily comprehensive
knowledge
• skillfully handles complex assignments without
supervision
• has a comprehensive knowledge of the industry
• is well informed about key aspects of the job
• demonstrates thorough knowledge
• can handle complex assignments with some
supervision
• has strong knowledge of the industry
• understands the job
• demonstrates adequate knowledge
• can handle moderately complex assignments
with supervision
• has an acceptable degree of knowledge of the
industry
• doesn’t fully understand the job
• demonstrates less than satisfactory knowledge
• sometimes mishandles assignments of moderate complexity, even with supervision
• has insufficient knowledge of the industry
• is ill-informed about many aspects of the job
• demonstrates inadequate knowledge
• mishandles basic assignments
• has little knowledge of the industry

Reliability
Superb

Good

Acceptable

•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•

always meets deadlines
is unfailingly dependable
achieves excellent results in urgent situations
always delivers on promises
meets deadlines
is highly dependable
achieves good results in urgent situations
almost always delivers on promises
meets most deadlines
is dependable
achieves acceptable results in urgent situations
delivers pretty consistently on promises

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Performance Appraisals

Needs Improvement

Poor

• sometimes fails to meet important deadlines
• is sometimes undependable
• sometimes fails to achieve acceptable results in
urgent situations
• sometimes fails to deliver on promises
• often fails to meet important deadlines
• is rarely dependable
• often fails to achieve acceptable results in
urgent situations
• can’t be counted on to deliver on promises

Communication skills
Superb

Good

Acceptable

Needs Improvement

Poor

• writes and speaks with remarkable clarity
• never gets bogged down in unnecessary details
• has superior communication skills in person and
over the phone
• develops and delivers imaginative, clear, and
concise presentations
• writes and speaks clearly
• rarely gets bogged down in unnecessary details
• has sound communication skills in person and
over the phone
• develops and delivers clear, concise
presentations
• generally writes and speaks clearly
• usually avoids getting bogged down in unnecessary details
• has adequate communication skills in person
and over the phone
• develops and delivers acceptable presentations
• sometimes writes and speaks unclearly and with
undue complexity
• sometimes gets bogged down in unnecessary
details
• sometimes struggles to communicate in person
and over the phone
• develops and delivers presentations in need of
further work and polish
• writes and speaks unclearly and with undue
complexity
• gets bogged down in unnecessary details
• fails to communicate effectively in person and
over the phone
• develops and delivers presentations that ramble
and lack clarity

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Recap
• Prepare by gathering your facts in advance: Keep
performance notes throughout the year and review
them before writing. Ask other colleagues for feedback on those you’re evaluating. Carefully review
the employees’ self-assessments.
• Use the sample phrases provided here to help
articulate your impressions.
• Always pair your general statements with specific
examples that support them.

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Appendix A

A Checklist for
the Four Stages
of Writing
Madman

□ Consider why you’re writing: What’s
moved you to write? What’s the assignment? What do you hope to achieve?
□ Think about who your readers are and
what they need to know.
□ Figure out how much time you have,
and work out a rough schedule for
gathering ideas and material, outlining,
preparing a draft, and revising.
□ Research with imagination and gusto.
Take notes on relevant information.
□ Push yourself to be creative. Don’t be
content with obvious ideas that just
anyone would think of.

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Appendix A

Architect □ Jot down your three main points in
complete sentences—with as much
specificity as you can.
□ Consider the best order of the
three points and reorganize them if
necessary.
□ Decide how to open and conclude the
document.
□ Think about what visual aids might be
helpful in conveying your ideas.

Carpenter □ If possible, turn away from all distractions. Silence your phone and your
computer alerts, and find an hour or so
of solitude. You’ll be writing.
□ Use your three-point outline as a
guide.
□ Start writing paragraphs that support the point you find easiest to
start with—then move to the other
points.
□ Write swiftly without stopping to edit
or polish.
□ Try to write a full section in one sitting.
If you must get up in the middle of a
section, start the next sentence with
a few words and then leave. (When
you come back, you’ll find it easier to
resume a half-completed sentence than
to start a new one.)

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A Checklist for the Four Stages of Writing

Judge

□ Immediately after completing your
draft, read it through with the idea of
amplifying ideas here and there.
□ Then let it cool off—overnight, if you
can, or for a few minutes if you’re working under an urgent deadline.
□ When you return to your draft, consider it from the audience’s perspective.
Will it be clear to everyone who looks at
it, or does it require inside knowledge?
Is it concise, or does it waste words and
time?
□ Identify the draft’s two biggest flaws
and try to fix them.
□ Ask yourself:
•

Is anything essential missing?

•

Are important points stressed?

•

Is the meaning of each sentence
clear and accurate?

•

Are my transitions smooth?

•

What can I trim without sacrificing
important content?

•

Are there any vague passages I can
sharpen with specific facts?

•

Are there boring passages I can
word more vividly?

•

Can I improve the phrasing?

•

Can I improve the punctuation?

•

Are there any typos?

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Appendix B

A Dozen
Grammatical Rules
You Absolutely
Need to Know
1. It is perfectly acceptable to start a sentence with
And or But.
The single most important element in fluid
writing is the use of effective transitions
between sentences and paragraphs. And no
transition is more effective than the plain
single-syllable words and and but.
The notion that it’s ungrammatical to start
a sentence with a conjunction has long been
ignored by the best writers and debunked by
reputable grammarians. Look at the op-ed
page of any major newspaper or scan through
some pages of any well-edited magazine and
you’ll see plenty of examples. Why? Because
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Appendix B

conjunctions are excellent transition tools,
signaling how the sentence to follow fits in
with what came before—and because they’re
short, sharp, and fleet. And and but are usually
more effective than clunky conjunctive adverbs
such as additionally and however, which add
syllables and demand a comma after them.
2. It is perfectly acceptable to end a sentence with a
preposition.
The “rule” that you should not end a sentence
with a preposition is a misbegotten notion
based on Latin syntax and expounded by a few
(a very few) 19th-century writers. Grammarians have long since dismissed it as ill-founded
and unnecessary.
Often a sentence that ends with a preposition sounds far more natural than the same
sentence forced into avoiding the terminal
preposition. Consider: What will the new product be used for? versus For what purpose will
the new product be used?
That said, a strong sentence should end
forcefully because the end of a sentence is the
most emphatic position. A preposition is rarely
a powerful sentence-ender, but it is not an
ungrammatical one.
3. The adverb corresponding to the adjective good
is well.
When describing performance, manner, action,
and the like, use the adverb well   . Though becoming more widespread, the adverbial use
of good is nonstandard English  . The question
whether to use good or well frequently arises
when someone asks “How are you doing?” The
best answer—assuming a positive response—
is “I’m doing well” (or “I’m fine, thank you”).
Saying “I’m good” is common but unrefined.
The response “I’m *doing good” is substandard
because good is there being used as an adverb.
An exception to the rule against using good as
an adverb applies with certain set phrases
 .
4. The subject of the sentence determines the number of the verb.
A subject and its verb must both be either
singular or plural. Grammar Girl says so.
(Grammar Girl and says are both singular.)
All grammarians say so. (Grammarians and
say are both plural.) The rule seems so elementary as to be trivial. But a lot can go wrong. A
prepositional phrase modifying the subject is a
common source of trouble: Should an oversupply of foreign imports take a singular or
plural verb? The answer is singular, to match
the subject oversupply. Although compound
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Appendix B

subjects generally take plural verbs, sometimes
a subject really expresses a single (and singular) idea . The subject, bread and butter,
is plural in form but singular in sense, so it
takes the singular verb is.
There (in its use as a subject stand-in, as in
There is another way) presents a special problem, one that some authorities call the most
common grammatical error today. In inverted
sentences, the true subject follows the verb
. The
subject profits is after the verb go. Yet people
seem to want singular verbs with there regardless of what follows, and errors result <*There
is still market capacity and established competition to be considered>. The compound
subject capacity and competition should take
the plural verb are, not the singular verb is.
Illusory compounds can also cause trouble.
These occur with constructions such as together with, as well as, and the like, none of
which forms a plural. . The subject is the singular board, which
takes the singular verb endorses.
5. Both either and neither, as subjects, take singular
verbs.
Beware of distractions caused by prepositional
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A Dozen Grammatical Rules You Absolutely Need to Know

ject—either or neither—is still singular  .
6. With neither/nor and either/or in the subject position, the second element controls the number of
the verb.
When the correlative conjunctions either/or or
neither/nor frame alternatives in the singular,
the verb is singular . When the alternatives are plural, the verb is plural . But when one element is
singular and the other is plural, match the verb
to the second element 
.
7. A flat adverb like thus or doubtless takes no –ly
ending.
Most adverbs are formed by adding the -ly
suffix to adjectives (large makes largely, quick
makes quickly) or changing the -able suffix
to -ably (amicable makes amicably, capable
makes capably). But the English language also
contains a fair number of adverbs that do not
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Appendix B

end in -ly (such as fast, ill, and seldom). With
these, it is unnecessary—and unidiomatic—to
add the suffix -ly. The two most common examples are *doubtlessly and *thusly.
8. The words however, therefore, and otherwise cannot join independent clauses without additional
punctuation.
An independent clause (1) contains a subject and a verb and (2) expresses a complete
thought. It can stand alone as a sentence, or
it can be connected with another clause by a
comma and a conjunction (such as and, but,
or) . When two
independent clauses are joined with a conjunctive adverb like however, a semicolon must go in
front of the connector and a comma after
. Omitting the semicolon or replacing it with a comma
creates what is known as a “comma splice”
<*We were supposed to arrive at 4:00 p.m.,
however, we didn’t arrive until 5:00>.
9. With a verb phrase, the adverb usually goes after
the first auxiliary verb.
Writing authorities have long agreed that midphrase is the strongest and most natural place
for an adverb . The
alternatives are awkward  or nonsensical .
Resistance to this guidance may be due to the
old superstition that it’s ungrammatical to split
an infinitive (it isn’t), since that is one type of
split verb .
When the phrase has more than one auxiliary verb, the most natural placement is
usually after the first one (as in has long been
assumed).
10. Relative pronouns (that, which, and who) must
appear alongside their antecedents.
A relative pronoun (that, which, who, whom,
and various forms with the -ever suffix) serves
one of two purposes. First, it can link a dependent clause to an independent one . The
dependent clause (whoever wants to participate) serves as the subject of the main clause.
Second, it can join a clause with its antecedent
.
Here, the dependent clause (who want to
participate) adds crucial information about its
antecedent, those.
The second type of relative pronoun should
be close to its antecedent—preferably immediately after it. The link must be clear because
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Appendix B

trouble can occur when the reference becomes
uncertain <*Please discuss the customerservice position in the accounting department
that is being eliminated>. Which is being
eliminated, the position or the department?
Restating the sentence clarifies it .
The relative pronoun that immediately follows
its antecedent, customer-service position.
11. An appositive is set off by commas when it is not
essential to the sentence (when it is nonrestrictive), but is not set off by commas when it is essential (restrictive).
An appositive is a noun or noun phrase that
follows another noun (or pronoun) and identifies or depicts it more fully  .
In the first example, the appositive Pat is not
set off by commas from the rest of the sentence. In the second, a tall man in an oversized
suit is set off. The reason is that appositives,
like relative clauses (those introduced by
which, who, and whom), may or may not be
essential to the meaning of the sentence. Pat,
in the first sentence, is essential—it specifies
which colleague (presumably out of several) is
being referred to. In the second sentence, the
appositive merely adds description. We could
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A Dozen Grammatical Rules You Absolutely Need to Know

also say that Pat, in the first sentence, defines
or restricts its referent, colleague, while the
appositive in the second sense is indefinite
or nonrestrictive. Current stylebooks use the
terms restrictive and nonrestrictive to label
these qualities.
Appositives may also be set off by em-dashes
(typically for emphasis) or parentheses (typically for deemphasis) instead of commas.
12. Correlative conjunctions (those used in pairs)
require parallel phrasing.
Correlative conjunctions (such as both . . .
and, neither . . . nor, and not only . . . but also)
work in pairs, joining related constructions
that match in syntax. Each conjunction should
immediately precede the part of speech it
describes. Parallelism is rarely a problem with
simple nouns , but
it becomes tricky with phrases and clauses, as
in the erroneous phrasing *We not only raised
our regional market share but also our profit
margin, which should read: We raised not only
our regional market share but also our profit
margin. The verb raised must be outside the
first correlative conjunction (not only) to apply
to both possessive phrases (our regional market share and our profit margin).

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Appendix C

A Dozen
Punctuation Rules
You Absolutely
Need to Know
1. Hyphenate your phrasal adjectives.
A small-business incentive is different from a
small business incentive. A limited-liability
clause is different from a limited liability
clause. When two or more words as a unit
modify a noun, they must be hyphenated (unless certain exceptions apply). So a hotel’s door
sign advising the staff not to disturb the guests
would be a do-not-disturb sign. A company
that is 25 years old is a 25-year-old company.
There are some exceptions: (1) Don’t hyphenate simple phrases formed by an -ly adverb and a past-participial adjective . (2) Don’t hyphenate
phrases formed with proper nouns  or foreign words . (3) Generally, don’t hyphenate phrasal adjectives used after the noun they
modify , but there are exceptions based solely on conventions of usage  .
2. Use a comma before and or or when listing three
or more items.
Although simple series 
might not require the so-called serial comma
before the conjunction to be perfectly clear,
clarity fades fast as series become longer and
more complex . So what is the rule?
The Chicago Manual of Style and other
authorities on professional, technical, and
scholarly writing almost universally endorse
using the serial comma in all series for one
good reason: It is sometimes wrong (ambiguous or worse) to omit it, but never wrong to
include it.
3. Don’t use a comma to separate two compound
predicates. Do use punctuation—usually a comma
but a semicolon if needed for clarity—to separate
a series of three or more compound predicates.
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When two predicates share the same subject,
it’s common not to repeat the subject. If the
second clause repeats the subject, then the
comma is proper before the conjunction .
But if the subject isn’t repeated (is shared by
both predicates), there should be no comma
before the conjunction . When three or more
such clauses are combined (sharing the same
subject), the predicates become a series and do
require at least a comma to separate them .
When one or more of the parts in the series
contain commas, use semicolons instead to
separate the predicates . The same principle holds for a
compound predicate .
4. Don’t use an apostrophe to form plural nouns.
The use of apostrophes to form plurals (rather
than possessives or contractions) is almost
always incorrect. Most proper nouns take a
simple -s, while those ending in -s, -x, -z, and
sibilant -ch or -sh take -es. The exceptions
to the no-apostrophe rule are for lowercase
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Appendix C

letters  and capital
letters when an apostrophe might prevent a
miscue . Don’t use
apostrophes to pluralize numbers or capitalized abbreviations without periods . The usual
way to pluralize words and letters is to italicize the word or letter and append -s in roman
type .
The incorrect use of apostrophes is especially common when pluralizing names.
Mr. and Mrs. Smith are the Smiths, not *the
Smith’s (or *the Smiths’). Mr. and Mrs. Stevens
are the Stevenses (not *the Steven’s or
*the Stevens’).
5. Don’t separate the grammatical subject from the
verb, unless there’s a set-off intervening phrase.
As a rule, words and phrases that go together
should be together, not unduly separated. So
an appositive, for example, is next to the noun
or pronoun it elaborates  and a pronoun should not
be so far from its antecedent as to make the
connection unclear. On the same principle, the
subject and verb in a sentence are best kept
close together so that the sentence does not
wander off on tangents.
That’s not to say that an intervening phrase
or clause between the subject and verb is
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A Dozen Punctuation Rules You Absolutely Need to Know

always wrong. It can be an effective way
to modify the sense or add information
. Although this technique adds emphasis to the modifying matter, it’s often clearer to
make the phrase or clause introductory so that
the subject and verb remain close .
6. Use bullets as attention-getting devices, but don’t
overuse them.
Bullets draw the reader’s eye to a list of
points without signaling that they’re presented in a certain order. The best lists follow
these rules:
•

Set up the list with an explanatory sentence
in the form of an introduction that ends
with a colon.

•

Keep all the items parallel in grammatical
form (all noun phrases, say, or all predicates
starting with verbs) and somewhat similar
in length.

•

Present the items with a hanging indent so
the bullets stand out to the left and all the
lines of type align.

•

Typeset the items single-spaced, perhaps
with a bit of extra spacing between items.
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Appendix C

•

Keep the bullets simple in appearance, eschewing whimsical artwork in favor of solid
bullet dots about the size of a lowercase o.

As with any other design device aimed at
signaling emphasis or attracting the reader’s
attention, the overuse of bulleted lists dilutes
their impact.
7. Avoid quotation marks as a way of emphasizing
words.
Quotation marks can send mixed signals. Most
often they signal their traditional function: to
set off a quotation. Sometimes they suggest a
snide attitude , or
perhaps imply that what they contain is not
what it purports to be at all . They can be the equivalent of
introducing the words with “so-called.” Given
all these different possible meanings, quotation
marks are a poor choice for emphasizing words
and phrases. That is traditionally the role of
italic type, an unambiguous signal.
Also avoid (1) underlining, the italic font’s
uglier equivalent from the typewriter era;
(2) overuse of boldface type, which is best reserved for titles and headings; and (3) all caps,
which is irritating and hard to read if longer
than a word or two.
8. Don’t hyphenate most prefixed terms.
American English is generally averse to hyphenating its prefixes (anteroom, biennial,
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A Dozen Punctuation Rules You Absolutely Need to Know

deselect, proactive, quarterfinal, semisweet).
Avoid the practice of inserting a hyphen, even
when it results in a doubled letter (cooperate,
reelect, misspeak). But there are a few exceptions: (1) when it’s needed to avoid a miscue
or an ambiguity (re-create, re-lease, re-sign);
(2) when the root word is a proper noun (preHalloween sales); and (3) when using certain
prefixes such as all- (all-inclusive), ex- (expartner), and self- (self-correcting).
9. Use a colon or a comma—never a semicolon—
after a salutation.
Colons are standard in business correspondence , commas in
personal letters . Commas
may also be permissible for business letters,
depending on the personal relationship between the sender and the recipient. But to
use a semicolon (*Dear Mr. Jones;) is always
incorrect.
10. Long dashes have two defensible—and valuable—
uses: to frame and to emphasize.
First, long dashes—called em-dashes—frame
what is basically parenthetical matter and
make it stand out. Notice in the first sentence
how “called em-dashes” stands out. It could
just as easily have been set off from the rest of
the sentence by commas or placed inside parentheses. But the dashes give an interruptive
phrase special emphasis (while parentheses
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Appendix C

almost beg to be skipped over). It’s a strong
technique that should be used but, like all effective writing devices, not overused.
Second, em-dashes are handy for short tags
that sit apart from the main sentence. The
em-dash replaces the colon but adds emphasis.
The setoff can come at the beginning of the
sentence  or at the end .
11. Don’t use a comma when writing a month
and year.
Stylebooks have long agreed that no comma
should appear between the month and year
. With the standard American
format of month–day–year, do use a comma
after the day . No comma
is necessary with the day–month–year format
<23 February 2012>. Use a comma after the
year  unless the date
is used adjectivally .
12. For singular possessives, add ’s even if the word
ends with an -s, -z, -x, or -ss.
This is the first rule in Strunk & White’s famous book The Elements of Style: A singular
possessive takes ’s 
  . But note that personal pronouns and who have their own form
without the ’s (mine, our, ours, your, yours, his,
her, hers, its, their, theirs, whose). Also, if the
name of a corporation or other entity is formed
from a plural word, add only the apostrophe
 .
When forming a plural possessive, use
the word’s standard plural form and add an
apostrophe to the final -s  . An exception applies to plural
words that don’t end in -s: they follow the
same rule as singular possessives  .

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Appendix D

Common Usage
Gaffes
In this top-20 list of usage points that distinguish sloppy
from refined language, an asterisk precedes erroneous
words and phrases.
NOT THIS:

BUT THIS:

I *feel badly about the
oversight.

I feel bad about the oversight.

I’m *feeling very well about
the sales figures.

I feel good (contented).
I feel well (healthy).

They’re *doing good.

They’re doing well.

Just *between you and I.

Just between you and me.

He expected *Helen and I
to help him.

He expected Helen and me
to help him.

She *could care less.

She couldn’t care less.

He’s *laying down on the
couch.

He’s lying down on the couch.

*Where are you at?

Where are you?

*If I would have been
there . . . .

If I had been there . . . .

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Appendix D

NOT THIS:

BUT THIS:

She serves on the board;
*as such, she has fiduciary duties.

She’s a board member; as
such, she has fiduciary duties.

The letter was sent *on
accident.

The letter was sent by accident.

I *wish he was faster.

I wish he were faster.

I *could of done it.

I could have done it.

*in regards to

in regard to, or regarding

*less items

fewer items

He was *undoubtably guilty.

He was undoubtedly guilty.

*preventative

preventive

*There’s lots of reasons.

There are lots of reasons.

*as best as she can

as best she can

*irregardless

regardless, or irrespective

For more on usage, see Appendix F.

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Appendix E

Some Dos and
Don’ts of BusinessWriting Etiquette
Dos:

1. Proofread all documents before sending them
out to make sure the spelling and grammar are
correct.
2. Double-check that the recipient’s name is
spelled correctly and that the form of address
is proper (Ms., Mrs., Miss, Mr., Dr., Judge,
Justice, Honorable, etc.). Double-check the
envelope, too, if there is one.
3. Sign business letters with your full name unless you’re friends with the recipient. If the
salutation is “Dear Mr. Smith,” sign your full
name; if it’s “Dear George,” sign your first
name only.
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Appendix E

4. Sign your letters with an ink pen and not with
a stamp of your signature.
5. Always include your contact information so
that the recipient will know how to respond
to you.
6. If you’re sending a handwritten note to a business contact or friend, use a stamp to mail
the letter rather than meter-stamping the
envelope.
7. Before sending an e-mail, make sure that you
have (a) included everyone you need in the
address block and (b) incorporated any attachments you refer to in the e-mail.
8. Use white space effectively so that the document reads well and is not a strain on people’s eyes. Create generous margins, leave
spaces between paragraphs, break up text
with subheads if appropriate, and indent
appropriately.
9. Date your communications (except e-mails,
which will date themselves) so that they give
the reader a reference time.
10. Write distinctive thank-you notes if you’re
writing them to several people in the same
office. It’s counterproductive if recipients
compare their notes and realize you massproduced them.

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Some Dos and Don’ts of Business-Writing Etiquette

Don’ts:

1. Don’t use all caps. It amounts to shouting at
the reader.
2. Don’t return a letter to its sender by writing on
it to save time or paper. A reply should be on a
separate piece of paper, even if it’s a short note.
Contracts and other agreements are a separate
issue.
3. Don’t write “Thank you in advance.” If you
want to thank people in a request, simply make
the request and then write “Thank you.” Also,
be sure to say thanks (perhaps in person) again
when the task has been completed.
4. Don’t use BCC on an e-mail unless you are
quite sure that it is necessary. It could get you
a bad reputation as being indiscreet.
5. Don’t use tiny or unusual fonts that make your
writing hard to read or that make you seem
flippant.
6. Don’t write a very long topic in the subject line
of an e-mail.
7. Don’t write a thank-you note on a card with
a preprinted “Thank you!” or “Merci” (it’s not
considered good manners).
8. Don’t let the passage of time stop you from
writing to express congratulations, gratitude,

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Appendix E

condolences, or whatever other sentiment your
instincts say you ought to express.
9. Don’t write a letter in anger or frustration.
Step back, take some time, and detach yourself
from the situation. Come back to writing when
you have had time to reflect on the matter and
can express yourself calmly.
10. Don’t put anything in writing that you would
be ashamed to see reported on the front page
of the Wall Street Journal.

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Appendix F

A Primer of
Good Usage
abstruse. See obtuse.
accede; exceed. Accede = to agree or yield . Exceed = to surpass, to be greater than
.

access; excess. Both are traditionally nouns. Access =
the act or opportunity of approaching or entering. Excess = an amount beyond what is required. Of course,
access is also common today as a verb meaning “to gain
entry to; to penetrate”  .

accord; accordance. Accord = agreement . Accordance = conformance .

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Appendix F

administer; administrate. The first is standard. Avoid
*administrate, a back-formation from administration.

admission; admittance. Admission = permission or authority to enter . Admittance = physical entry .

adopt; adapt. Adopt = take up as one’s own . Adapt = modify .
Note that the nouns are adoption and adaptation.

adverse; averse. Adverse = unfavorable or contrary to
. Averse = reluctant or unwilling;
having distaste of, fear of, or hostility toward .

advise; advice. Advise is the verb . Advice is the noun .

affect; effect. Affect is usually a verb meaning “to have
an influence” . Effect is usually a noun denoting a result or outcome . Effect may also be a verb meaning “to bring about” .

aggravate; irritate. Aggravate = to make worse . Irritate = to

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A Primer of Good Usage

annoy. Using aggravate to mean “irritate” is a common
colloquialism, but it will still annoy some readers.

aide; aid. Aide is an assistant. Aid is assistance.
allusion; illusion. Allusion = an indirect reference, as to
a cultural work, historical event, or other form of shared
knowledge <“Sage of Omaha” is an allusion to Warren
Buffett>. Illusion = a misperception or a mistaken belief
.

a lot. Always two words.
already; all ready. Already = previously, by this time
. All ready = completely
prepared .

alternative; alternate. As a noun, alternative = one option (among one or more others) ; alternate = a substitute .

altogether; all together. Altogether = entirely or completely . All together =
collectively or in a group .

ambiguous; ambivalent. Ambiguous = inviting more
than one reasonable interpretation . Ambivalent = having mixed emotions about something .

amend; emend. Amend = to add to a document, esp.
a law or other legal document .
Emend = to make corrections or edits to a piece of writing .

among. See between.
amuse; bemuse. Amuse = to entertain or delight. Bemuse = to befuddle.

antidote; anecdote. Antidote = anything that counteracts a bad situation . Anecdote = an amusing, illustrative story
.

anxious; eager. Anxious = anticipating with unease or
worry . Eager = anticipating with enthusiasm .

appraise; apprise. Appraise = to assess in value . Apprise = to keep
someone informed .

arbiter; arbitrator. Arbiter = a person with final say over
a matter . Arbitrator = a person who conducts an arbitration to settle
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A Primer of Good Usage

a dispute .

as. See like.
assure; ensure; insure. Assure = to try to satisfy someone
of something . Ensure = to
make certain that something will happen or that things
will be as expected . Insure = to indemnify against
loss or damage .

attain; obtain. Attain = to achieve or accomplish something . Obtain = to get something .

averse. See adverse.
avocation. See vocation.
awhile; a while. Awhile is an adverb meaning “for a short
time” . A while is a
noun phrase meaning “a period of time” .

bear; born; borne. Bear = (1) to carry or support  or (2) to give birth
. Borne refers to sense 1 , and born to sense 2
.

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Appendix F

bemuse. See amuse.
beside; besides. Beside = (1) next to or at the side of
 or (2) outside of
 . Besides = in addition to .

between; among. Between shows one-to-one connections , even when more than two things are involved . Among
connotes a looser relationship with three or more .

blatant; flagrant. Blatant = obvious, overt . Flagrant = conspicuously rude or abusive .

bombastic = pompous, pretentious . The word has nothing to do
with violence.

born; borne. See bear.
breach; broach. Breach = to break  or break though . Broach = to bring up .

can; may. Most properly, can expresses power or ability . May expresses
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A Primer of Good Usage

permission or possibility .

canvas; canvass. Canvas = coarse cloth . Canvass = a noun meaning “a poll or
survey” or a verb meaning “to conduct a poll or survey”
.

capital; Capitol. Capitol = the building where the U.S.
Congress or a state legislature meets. In all other senses,
the spelling is capital  
 .

censor; censure. Censor = to inspect and possibly restrict the release of matter judged to be objectionable.
Censure = to reprimand someone.

clench; clinch. Clench = to tighten, esp. in anger or determination . Clinch = to secure or fasten
.

climatic; climactic. Climatic = of the weather, esp. climate . Climactic = dramatic, riveting,
moving toward a climax .

clinch. See clench.
closure; cloture. Closure = the act or fact of concluding
or resolving. Cloture = the parliamentary procedure for
ending debate and calling for a vote.
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Appendix F

collaborate; corroborate. Collaborate = to cooperate in
an enterprise .
Corroborate = to lend support, esp. by confirming information .

common. See mutual.
compare to; compare with. To compare something to
something else is to liken the two things; to compare
it with something else is to note both similarities and
differences.

compel; impel. Compel = to force, esp. by dint of authority or necessity . Impel = to drive forward, as by circumstances or
weight of argument .

compendious; voluminous. Compendious = concise, condensed. Voluminous = large, roomy.

complementary;

complimentary. Complementary

=

(1) making complete or perfect or (2) matching or
harmonious .
Complimentary = (1) free  or
(2) flattering .

comprise; compose. Comprise = to include . Compose =
to make up . The phrase *is comprised of is always faulty.

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A Primer of Good Usage

compulsive; compulsory. Compulsive = prone to or
caused by uncontrollable urges .
Compulsory = mandatory .

connote. See denote.
consequent; subsequent. Consequent = following as a
result (consequence) . Subsequent = following in time
.

continual; continuous. Continual = recurring, intermittent . Continuous =
ceaseless, uninterrupted .

convince; persuade. Convince . . . of = to win over, to
prove a point . Persuade . . . to = convince and cause to take action .

corroborate. See collaborate.
council; counsel. Council = a board .
Counsel = (1) adviser , (2) advice
, or (3) to advise
.

credible; credulous; incredulous; creditable. Credible =
believable, trustworthy . Credulous = gullible . Incredulous =
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Appendix F

unbelieving . Creditable = respectable but not outstanding .

damage; damages. Damage = harm . Damages = judicial compensation for
harm .

declaim. See disclaim.
definite; definitive. Definite = clear, explicit, unmistakable . Definitive =
authoritative .

delegate. See relegate.
deliberate; deliberative. Deliberate = purposeful . Deliberative = of or relating to debate
or discussion .

denote; connote. Denote = to signify; to be the name
of .
Connote = to imply; to suggest something beyond the
literal sense of a term .

depreciate; deprecate. Depreciate = to fall in value . Deprecate = to disapprove of, to plead against .

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A Primer of Good Usage

detract; distract. Detract = take away (some quality)
.
Distract = divert .

device; devise. Device = a tool or apparatus . Devise = to create or invent .

different. Prefer different from over different than.
differ from; differ with. To differ from is simply to be different ; to differ
with is to disagree .

disburse. See disperse.
disclaim; declaim. Disclaim = deny or disavow . Declaim = to orate
.

discrete; discreet. Discrete = distinct . Discreet = circumspect, tactful .

disinterested; uninterested. Disinterested = unbiased;
lacking any financial or emotional stake in a dispute
. Uninterested = uncaring .

disperse; disburse. Disperse = to scatter . Disburse = to distribute funds .

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Appendix F

distinct; distinctive. Distinct = clear, well-defined . Distinctive = marking a difference, characteristic .

distract. See detract.
dominant; dominate. Dominant = supreme . Dominate = to control .

eager. See anxious.
effect. See affect.
e.g.; i.e. E.g. = for example . I.e. = that is .

elicit; illicit. Elicit = to draw a response . Illicit = forbidden, illegal .

eligible; illegible. Eligible = fit to be chosen; suitable.
Illegible = incapable of being read because of bad handwriting, poor printing, etc.

embarrass. So spelled.
emend. See amend.

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A Primer of Good Usage

eminent. See imminent.
empathy; sympathy. Empathy = understanding . Sympathy = compassion .

ensure. See assure.
equally. Avoid *equally as. Good usage dictates equally
profitable, not *equally as profitable.

evoke; invoke. Evoke = to draw out .
Invoke = to call on, esp. for authority or assistance .

explicit; implicit. Explicit = (1) unambiguous  or (2) graphic, lurid .
Implicit = (1) implied  or (2) absolute .

farther; further. Farther = physically more distant
. Further = more advanced
.

faze; phase. Faze = to agitate . Phase = a stage of development .

fewer. See less.

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Appendix F

first, second, third. So written—preferably not *firstly,
*secondly, *thirdly.

flagrant. See blatant.
flair; flare. Flair = (1) an innate talent  or (2) stylishness . Flare = a
burst, as of light, activity, etc. .

flaunt; flout. Flaunt = to show off something <flaunting new jewelry>. Flout = to openly disobey or disregard
<flouting the rules>.

flounder; founder. Flounder = to struggle or thrash
about . Founder =
(1) to sink  or
(2) to fail .

forbear; forebear. Forbear = to refrain from an impulse
. Forebear = an ancestor .

forgo; forego. Forgo = to do without .
Forego = to precede .

formally; formerly. Formally = properly . Formerly = previously .

founder. See flounder.
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A Primer of Good Usage

further. See farther.
gibe; jibe. Gibe = a taunt or tease . Jibe = agree
.

harass. So spelled.
horde; hoard. Horde = large group of people . Hoard = a cache, esp. of valuable things . As a verb, to hoard is to accumulate to an
excessive degree.

i.e. See e.g.
if; whether. A fine but useful distinction: If = on the
condition that. So, e.g., Let me know if you need a catalog means most rigorously not to call if you don’t want a
catalog. Whether = which way you decide about. So Let
me know whether you need a catalog means, again most
rigorously, to please call either way.

illegible. See eligible.
illicit. See elicit.
illusion. See allusion.
imminent; eminent. Imminent = looming and inevitable
. Eminent = prominent
and respected .

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Appendix F

impel. See compel.
implicit. See explicit.
imply; infer. Imply = to suggest something without saying it expressly . Infer = to
read into .

in behalf of. See on behalf of.
incredulous. See credible.
infer. See imply.
ingenious; ingenuous. Ingenious = clever, skillful . Ingenuous = frank, innocent,
free of ulterior motive .

in order to. Usually you can shorten this expression to to.
Do so whenever you can with no loss in clarity.

insure. See assure.
invoke. See evoke.
irritate. See aggravate.
it’s; its. It’s = it is . Its = the possessive
form of it .
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A Primer of Good Usage

jibe. See gibe.
just deserts (what one deserves) is so spelled—not *just
desserts. Deserve and desert [pronounced /di-ZURT/]
are related words.

lay > laid > laid. To lay is to put down or arrange   .

lend; loan. Lend = to provide, to grant the temporary
use of . Loan = a
sum of money that has been lent . Though traditionally a noun, loan is also acceptable as a verb when the object is money .

less; fewer. Less = a smaller amount . Fewer
= a smaller number .

lie > lay > lain. To lie is to recline   .

like; as. Like precedes a noun or pronoun .
As precedes a subject and verb .

loan. See lend.
loathe; loath. Loathe is the verb meaning “to abhor” . Loath is the adjective meaning “reluctant” .
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Appendix F

loose; lose. Loose is an adjective meaning “not tight” or
“not constrained”  or a verb meaning “to free”
. Lose, the verb ,
is often misspelled loose.

make do = to get by with . The phrase is often mistakenly rendered *make due.

marshal. Both the noun  and the verb
 are so spelled.

may. See can.
mete out = to allocate. So rendered, not *meet out.
militate. See mitigate.
minuscule = tiny . So spelled, not
*miniscule.

mitigate; militate. Mitigate = to make less harsh . Militate = to weight heavily in
one direction .

mutual; common. Mutual = reciprocal . Common = shared .

nonplussed = frozen by surprise, perplexed .
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A Primer of Good Usage

number. See quantity.
obtain. See attain.
obtuse; abstruse. Obtuse = dull, dim-witted . Abstruse = obscure, arcane .

on behalf of; in behalf of. On behalf of = representing
. In behalf of = in support of .

orient; *orientate. Orient = to get one’s bearings . *Orientate is an ostentatious variant to be avoided.

past; passed. Past is the noun , adjective
, adverb , and preposition
. Passed is the past tense and past participle of the verb pass .

peak; peek; pique. Peak = a high point, esp. a pointed
one such as a mountaintop or a spike on a chart . Peek = a quick, furtive look . Pique = (1) indignation  or
(2) to arouse .

peddle; pedal. Peddle = to sell .
Pedal = to operate a foot lever .

peek. See peak.
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Appendix F

pejorative = having negative implications; tending to
belittle. So spelled, not *perjorative.

pendant; pendent. Pendant = a piece of dangling jewelry . Pendent = pending, unsettled .

people. See persons.
percent. This word (meaning “by the hundred”) was formerly spelled as two words. Today it is one.

perquisite; prerequisite. Perquisite = a privilege or benefit, esp. one attached to a position; usually shortened
to perk . Prerequisite
= a necessary condition .

persecute; prosecute. Persecute = treat harshly, esp. as a
group . Prosecute = pursue legal
action .

personal; personnel. Personal = an adjective meaning
“private, individual.” Personnel = a noun meaning “the
whole group of persons employed in a business.”

persuade. See convince.
persons; people. In most contexts, the plural persons
sounds stilted. Except for set phrases , reserve person for singular use  and use people for the plural.
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A Primer of Good Usage

perspicuous; perspicacious. Perspicuous = lucid . Perspicacious = insightful, shrewd
.

phase. See faze.
pique. See peak.
populace; populous. Populace = the inhabitants of a
place, collectively . Populous =
heavily populated .

pore; pour. To pore is to read intently . To pour is to make (a liquid) flow
downward.

practical; practicable. Practical = pertaining to experience or actual use; adapted to useful action instead of to
contemplation . Practicable = capable of being done
or used .

precede; proceed. Precede = to occur before something
else .
*Preceed is a common misspelling. Proceed = (1) to start
 or (2) to continue .

precipitate; precipitous. Precipitate is most commonly a
verb meaning “to cause suddenly or recklessly” . As an adjective, it means “sudden, rash, or
189

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Appendix F

violent” . Precipitous =
steep .

prerequisite. See perquisite.
prescribe; proscribe. Prescribe = to direct a course of action . Proscribe = to
forbid or outlaw .

presumptive; presumptuous. Presumptive = assumed to
be . Presumptuous = arrogant, impudent .

preventive; *preventative. Preventive = intended to
ward off harm . *Preventative is
a corrupt form.

principal; principle. Principal = main, first . As a noun, it refers to the main person  or, in finance, the original sum of money lent or invested . Principle = a belief, tenet, or law
 .

proceed. See precede.
prophesy; prophecy. Prophesy = to predict . Prophecy = the prediction .

proposition; proposal. Proposition = something that is
offered for consideration . Proposal = a
formal offer .

proscribe. See prescribe.
prosecute. See persecute.
prostrate; prostate. Prostrate = lying face down. Prostate = a gland in male mammals.

proved; proven. Proved = the long-preferred past participle of prove . An exception is the set phrase innocent until
proven guilty. Proven is an adjective .

purpose. See intention.
quandary = state of confusion , not the cause of that confusion.

quantity; number. Quantity = an unspecified mass . Number = a collection of individually countable objects .

rack. See wrack.
rebut; refute. Rebut = to answer a charge or argument.
Refute = to disprove a charge or argument.
191

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Appendix F

reek; wreak. Reek = (1) to stink  or (2) the bad odor . Wreak = to cause a specified type of harm
.

refute. See rebut.
regrettable; regretful. Regrettable = unfortunate . Regretful = sorry about .

rein; reign. Rein = a bridle strap. Figuratively, the means
of control  . The homophone
reign (= to rule over) is sometimes mistakenly used in
those and similar idioms.

relegate; delegate. Relegate = to reassign to a lower position or task . Delegate = to
entrust (a person) to act on one’s behalf .

reluctant. See reticent.
respectfully; respectively. Respectfully = in a polite
manner . Respectively = in regular order .

reticent; reluctant. Reticent = taciturn, not open about
one’s thought; reluctant to talk . Avoid using it as a substitute
for being reluctant to act.

role; roll. Role (in the sense “a part in an organization, a
movie, etc.”) and roll (in the sense “a list of participants,
actors, etc.”) are often confounded.

sanction = (1) a penalty  or (2) an endorsement .

species; specie. Species = a type of plant or animal. The
word is both singular and plural. Specie = coined money.

stanch. See staunch.
stationary; stationery. Stationary = unmoving . Stationery = writing paper .

staunch; stanch. Staunch = loyal and devoted . Stanch = to stop or control the actual or figurative loss of liquid .

strait; straight. Strait = a tight spot  . Straight often displaces strait in
straitjacket and straitlaced.

strategy; tactics. Strategy = big-picture planning . Tactics = actions and techniques that
193

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Appendix F

support your strategy <flash mobs and other guerrillamarketing tactics>.

subsequent. See consequent.
supersede = to take the place of . The word is often misspelled *supercede.

sympathy. See empathy.
tactics. See strategy.
than. See then.
that; which. Use that to introduce a clause that’s essential to meaning (a restrictive clause), and don’t set it off
with commas. If you write, “The departments that made
their numbers last quarter received budget increases,”
readers will infer that some departments didn’t receive
increases. Use which with a clause that isn’t essential (a
nonrestrictive clause). If you write, “The departments,
which made their numbers last quarter, received budget
increases,” you’re saying that all departments received increases. You can leave out a which clause set off by commas and still convey the gist of the sentence.

their. See there.
then; than. Then = at that time; in that case; therefore.
Than expresses comparison .

194

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A Primer of Good Usage

there; their; they’re. There refers to direction  or place ; their is the possessive of they ; and they’re is
the contraction of they are .

torpid. See turgid.
toward; towards. Toward dominates in American English, towards in British English.

try and. Make it try to.
turgid; torpid. Turgid = (1) swollen , or (2) bombastic .
Torpid = dormant or sluggish .

uninterested. See disinterested.
unique; unusual. Unique = one of a kind, unmatched . As an absolute term, unique
should not take modifiers such as very. It is not a synonym of unusual.

use; utilize. Prefer the simple term.
venal; venial. Venal = corrupt, susceptible to bribery
. Venial = pardonable .

veracity; voracity. Veracity = truthfulness . Voracity = gluttony .
195

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Appendix F

verbiage = wordiness, not the words in a message. Excess
verbiage is redundant. Avoid the misspelling *verbage.

vocation; avocation. Vocation = career . Avocation = (1) hobby or (2) second occupation .

voluminous. See compendious.
voracity. See veracity.
wangle. See wrangle.
whether. See if.
whether; whether or not. In most instances whether can
stand alone: or not adds nothing. But when the sense is
“regardless of whether,” the additional words are needed
.

which. See that.
who’s; whose. Who’s = who is. Whose = the possessive
form of who or whom.

whosever; whoever’s. Whosever is the standard possessive form of whoever. Whoever’s is a contraction for whoever is.

workers’ compensation. This gender-neutral phrase has
replaced workmen’s compensation as standard.
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A Primer of Good Usage

wrack; rack. Wrack = (1) to destroy 
or (2) wreckage . Rack = to torture as on a rack .

wrangle; wangle. Wrangle = to argue noisily . Wangle = to obtain by manipulation .

wreak. See reek.
your; you’re. Your = possessive form of you. You’re =
contraction of you are.

197

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H6082.indb 198

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Desk References
Writing well is not just one skill but a combination of
many—and it’s something you must constantly work at.
In addition to this guide you might want to keep the following desk references handy.

The Basic Writer’s Bookshelf
• The American Heritage Dictionary of the English
Language. 5th ed. Boston: Houghton Mifflin Harcourt, 2011.
• Garner, Bryan A. Garner’s Dictionary of Modern
American Usage. 3d ed. New York: Oxford, 2009.
• Merriam-Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary. 11th ed.
Springfield, MA: Merriam-Webster, 2008.
• Roget’s Thesaurus of English Words and Phrases.
George Davidson, ed. Avon, MA: Adams Media,
2011.
• Trimble, John R. Writing with Style. 3d ed. Upper
Saddle River, NJ: Pearson, 2010.

199

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Desk References

The Connoisseur’s Bookshelf
• Flesch, Rudolf. The Art of Plain Talk. New York:
Harper & Brothers, 1946.
• Flesch, Rudolf. How to Write Plain English: A
Book for Lawyers and Consumers. New York:
Harper & Row, 1979.
• Fowler, H. W. A Dictionary of Modern English
Usage. 2d ed. Edited by Ernest Gowers. New York:
Oxford University Press, 1965.
• Garner, Bryan A. Legal Writing in Plain English.
2d ed. Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 2012.
• Gowers, Ernest. The Complete Plain Words. 3d ed.
Edited by Sidney Greenbaum and Janet Whitcut.
Boston: David R. Godine, 1986.
• Graves, Robert, and Alan Hodge. The Reader over
Your Shoulder. 2d ed. London: Cape, 1947.
• Partridge, Eric. Usage and Abusage: A Guide to
Good English. New York: Harper & Brothers,
1942.
• Strunk, William, and E. B. White. The Elements of
Style. 4th ed. Boston: Allyn & Bacon, 1999.
• Tufte, Edward R. Beautiful Evidence. Cheshire,
Conn.: Graphics Press, 2006.
• Tufte, Edward R. Envisioning Information.
Cheshire, Conn.: Graphics Press, 1990.

200

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Desk References

• Wallace, David Foster. Consider the Lobster. New
York: Little, Brown & Co., 2005.
• Zinsser, William. On Writing Well. New York:
HarperCollins, 30th Ann. ed., 2006.

201

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H6082.indb 202

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Index

acronyms, 96–97
adverbs, 144–145, 147–148
all caps, 158, 167
Alred, Gerald J., 122
and, starting a sentence with,
83–84, 143–144
apostrophes, improper use of,
155–156, 160–161
appositives, 150–151, 156
Architect phase, 13–14, 16, 21–26,
140
articles, (a, an, the), don’t drop, 53
as per, 62, 111, 113
attached please find, 62
audience
connecting with, 9–10
consideration for, 111–116,
123–124
for letters, 4–6
holding readers’ attention,
91–97
motivating to act, 116–118
nonspecialists, 44–45
perspective of, 43–44
understanding readers, 7–11
who you’re writing for, 8
Babenroth, A. Charles, 121–122
Bartholomew, Wallace E., 121

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Beautiful Evidence (Tufte), 37–38,
200
be verbs, 55, 94–95
bizspeak, 57–65
boilerplate, 62
boldface type, 158
brainstorming, 14–15, 20–21
brevity and clarity, xvi–xvii, 44–45,
49–51, 53–56, 106, 110
Brusaw, Charles T., 122
Buffett, Warren, 9, 63–65
bullets, as attention-getting device, 157–158
but, starting a sentence with,
83–84, 143–144
buzzwords, 57–61
Cannon, Kelly, 122
Carpenter phase, 13–14, 16, 23–25,
27–29, 140
Chicago Manual of Style, The,
15, 154
chronology, 67–70
Churchill, Winston, 91
clarity, 43–48, 53
clichés, 58–61
closing text, 32
Cody, Sherwin, 121
collegiality, 100–101

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Index

colons, 157, 159
commas, 148, 150–151, 154–155,
159–160
conclusions, leading readers to, 45
concrete writing, 47
conjunctions
correlative, 147, 151
starting sentences with, 83–84,
143–144
connecting with large audiences,
9–10
continuity and transitions, 71–75,
143–144
contractions, 93
courtesy, 123–124
credibility, 47, 50, 77–78, 80–81
dates, 160, 166
definitions, 44–45
delivering bad news, 118–120
dialect, 81–82
diplomacy, 123–124
double negatives, 81–82
drafts
e-mail, 107–110
feedback, 85–87
first, 16, 27–29, 32–35, 55
revising, 31–35
writing rapidly, 27–29
Drucker, Peter, 28
dumbing it down, 64–65
editing, 16–17, 28, 31–35
efficiency, 14–17
either, 79, 81, 146–147
Elements of Style, The (Strunk and
White), 160, 200
e-mails
BCC, 167
check before sending, 166
compared to letters, 46

general guidelines for, 105–110
storytelling, 67–70
subject line, 106, 167
em-dashes. See long dashes.
emphasis, adding, 37–39, 157–
160
empty words, 9–10
enclosed please find, 111, 113,
121–122
Envisioning Information (Tufte),
37–38, 200
etiquette, business writing,
165–168
feedback from colleagues, 85–87
Flesch Reading Ease (FRE) scale,
63–64
Flesch, Rudolf, 64, 92, 200
Flowers, Betty Sue, 13
focus
finding it, 19–25
“you” focus, 92–93, 108, 112,
115–116
fonts, 158, 167
forms of address, 165
Frailey, L.E., 122
FRE scale, 64
fund-raising, 118–119
genderless pronouns, 80–81
getting to the point, 7–8
good and well, 144–145, 163
grammar
generally, 77–84
mistakes creating bad impressions, 163–164
passive voice, 94–95, 115–116
phrasal adjectives, 153–154
rules to know, 77–84, 143–151
granting a benefit or request, 122
graphics, 37–39

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Index

Harvard Law Review, 64
however, 83–84, 144, 148
Hurlbut, Floyd, 121
hyperformality compared to
polished plain speech, 61,
99–100
hyphens, 153–54, 158–159
impressions, bad, 163–164
“index expurgatorius,” 57–61
inspiration, 28
-ion words, 55
issues, stating plainly, 3, 49–50,
126–27, 129
italic type, for emphasis, 156, 158
Judge phase, 13–14, 16–17, 28,
141
letters
as a tool for sharpening writing
skills, 46
chronology in, 67–70
form and purpose, 3–6
general guidelines for, 111–124
replying to, 167
salutations, 159, 165
signature, 165–166
when to write and when not to
write, 167–168
logic, 16, 19–20
long dashes, uses for, 159–160
MACJ, 13–14, 28
Madman phase, 13–16, 20–21, 139
Madman–Architect–Carpenter–
Judge, 13–14
main points, 19–25
marketing reports, 129–130
memos, 8, 20–25, 32–35, 125–130
middle, 32

mistakes, admitting, 124
motivating readers, 116–118
neither, 79–81, 146–147, 151
nonstandard language, 82–84
notes, making, 15
nouns
disagreement with pronouns,
80–81
plural, 155–156
of, 54–55
Oliu, Walter E., 122
opening text, 32, 49–50, 71–74
opinions, unsupported, 45, 47
organizing
chronology, 67–70
main points/issues and logic,
19–25
outlining, 16, 50
sets of three, 19–25
subheads, 74
otherwise, 148
outlining, 16, 50
padding, recognizing and eliminating, 53–56
paragraph openers, 71–72
passive voice, 94–95, 115–116
performance appraisals, 133–138
persuasiveness, xviii–xix, 47, 112
phrasal adjectives, hyphenating,
153–154
phrases
canned, 62, 111, 113, 121–122
creating bad impressions,
163–164
overused, 58–61
for performance reviews,
133–137
plagiarism, 15

205

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Index

plain-spoken language, importance of, 57–65
planning your writing project,
13–16, 19–25
polishing your writing, 14, 16–17,
61, 86
possessives, 160–161
predicates, compound, 154–155
prefixes, hyphenating, 158–159
prepositions, 54, 79, 144, 145,
146–147
prior to, 53
process of writing, 13–17, 19–25,
27–29
procrastination, 28–29
pronouns
errors in using, 77–78, 80–81
personal, 92–93
relative, 149–150
punctuation, basic rules of, 148,
150, 153–161
purpose for writing, 3–6
quotation marks, for emphasis,
158
readers. See also audience
nonspecialist, 9, 44–45
perspective, 43–44, 51, 68–69,
119
three types for memos, 127
time constraints, 7–8
understanding, 7–10
Reader’s Digest, 64
reason for writing. See purpose for
writing
recommendations, 129–130
rejection, 118–119
relative pronouns, 149–150
reports, tips on writing, 125–131
reprimand by e-mail, 109–110

requests for proposal, 8
research, 14–16, 128–129
reviews, employee. See performance appraisals
revising
general guidelines for, 31–35
continuity and transitions,
71–75
salutations, punctuation following, 159
sarcasm, 101
semicolons, 148, 154–155, 159
sentences
compound subjects, 79–80,
145–146
conjunctions at beginning of,
83–84, 143–144
length of, 44–45, 63–65, 95–96
noun–pronoun disagreement,
80–81
prepositions at end of, 144
pronouns, 77–78, 80–81, 92–93
starters, 83–84, 143–144
structure, 95–96
subject–verb disagreement,
78–80, 81, 145–147
“show, don’t tell,” 45, 47
signature, 107, 165–166
simplicity and clarity in language,
43–48, 53–55, 57–65, 91, 94
sources, 15
speed writing, 27
split infinitives, 149
standard English, 82–83
starting to write, 13–17, 19–25
storytelling and chronology, 67–70
Strunk, William, Jr., 160–161, 200
style, how to acquire good,
xviii–xix
subheads, 74

206

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Index

subject lines, 106, 125–126, 167
subject–verb agreement, 78–80,
81, 145–147
summarizing, 49–51, 74, 126–128
thank you in advance, 167
thank-you notes, 166, 167
that, 53, 149–150, 194
there, 78–79, 195
their, 80–81, 195
therefore, 73, 74, 148
third person, 92–93, 115–116
Time (magazine), 64
time management, 27–29, 31
titles, 125–126
tone
collegial, 100–101
combative, 123
courteous and direct, 123–124
in e-mails, 107–110
friendly, 4, 8
hyperformality, 99–100
purpose and content, 4–6, 8
relaxed, 99–100
sarcasm, 101
stern, 5–6
urgent, 4–5
transitions and continuity, 71–75
Tufte, Edward, 37–38, 200
underlining, 158
U.S. Securities and Exchange
Commission’s Plain English
Handbook, 9
usage
bad examples of, 163–164
good, 169–197
vagueness, 43–47, 49–50
verbs
buried, 55

irregular, 83
past-tense, 94
separating the grammatical
subject from, 156–157
split infinitives, 149
strong, 55
verb phrases, 148–149
visual aids, 37–39, 140
vocabulary, 82
Washington, George, 91
we, 78, 92, 100, 115–116
well, 144–145, 163
which, 149–151, 194
White, E. B., 160–161, 200
White, Richard Grant, 121
white space in document design,
166
who, 149–51, 161, 196
“who, what, when, where, and
why,” 38, 50
wordiness, controlling, 53–56
wording, problems with, 77–84
words, wasting of, 53–56
writer’s block, 16, 25, 28
writing
anxiety about, 13–15
benefits of good writing, xv–xx
etiquette in, 165–168
four stages checklist for,
139–141
how to begin, 13–17, 19–25
muddy, 43
process of, 13–17, 19–25, 27–29
purpose of, 3–6
rapidly, 27–29
style, 91–97, 99–100
timing, 27
“you” focus, 92–93, 108, 112,
115–116

207

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H6082.indb 208

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Acknowledgments

My profound gratitude goes to Lisa Burrell of HBR,
who suggested and edited the book through several revisions; to the LawProse employees Heather C. Haines,
Becky R. McDaniel, Tiger Jackson, Jeff Newman, David
Zheng, and Ryden McComas Anderson—all of whom
helped in developing and refining the text; my Twitter
followers (I’m @bryanagarner) who suggested examples
of bizspeak to be avoided; my mother-in-law Sandra
W. Cheng, her brother Daniel Wu, and my sister-in-law
Linda Garner, all of whom suggested lines of inquiry
from their many years in business; and most of all my
wife, Karolyne H.C. Garner, who cheered and goaded
and inspired me in the months when this book was being
written—as she has before and since.
The book is dedicated to J.P. Allen, the filmmaker,
who has been my close friend from childhood (I was 5, he
was 3): We developed our interest in language and writing as teenagers, while also reading intensively about entrepreneurship and business management—never worrying that we might be considered nerds or eggheads. We

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Acknowledgments

always thought learning was cool, and ignorance uncool.
Nothing has changed.
B.A.G.
August 2012

210

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About the Author

Bryan A. Garner is a noted lexicographer, grammarian,
lawyer, and business owner. Since founding LawProse
Inc. in 1991, he has trained more than 150,000 lawyers
in the techniques of written persuasion and effective contract drafting. His clients include the legal departments
of dozens of Fortune 500 companies.
Garner is the author of Garner’s Modern American Usage, The Elements of Legal Style, and The Winning Brief,
and the editor in chief of all in-print editions of Black’s
Law Dictionary. He has coauthored two best-selling
books about judicial decision-making with Justice Antonin Scalia.

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Notes

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Notes

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Notes

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Notes

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Notes

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Notes

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Notes

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Notes

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