HBR Guide To Better Business Writing

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HBR
Guide to
Better
Business
Writing
Engage readers
Tighten and brighten
Make your case
By Bryan A. Garner
Smarter than the average guide
HBR Guide to
Better Business
Writing
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Harvard Business Review Guides
Arm yourself with the advice you need to succeed on the
job, from the most trusted brand in business. Packed
with how-to essentials from leading experts, the HBR
Guides provide smart answers to your most pressing
work challenges.
The titles include:
HBR Guide to Better Business Writing
HBR Guide to Finance Basics for Managers
HBR Guide to Getting the Mentoring You Need
HBR Guide to Getting the Right Job
HBR Guide to Getting the Right Work Done
HBR Guide to Giving Effective Feedback
HBR Guide to Making Every Meeting Matter
HBR Guide to Managing Stress
HBR Guide to Managing Up and Across
HBR Guide to Persuasive Presentations
HBR Guide to Project Management
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Other Books Written or Edited
by Bryan A. Garner
Garner’s Modern American Usage
Garner’s Dictionary of Legal Usage
Black’s Law Dictionary (all editions since 1996)
Reading Law: The Interpretation of Legal Texts, with
Justice Antonin Scalia
Making Your Case: The Art of Persuading Judges,
with Justice Antonin Scalia
Garner on Language and Writing
The Redbook: A Manual on Legal Style
The Elements of Legal Style
The Chicago Manual of Style, Ch. 5, “Grammar and
Usage” (15th & 16th eds.)
The Winning Brief
Legal Writing in Plain English
Ethical Communications for Lawyers
Securities Disclosure in Plain English
Guidelines for Drafting and Editing Court Rules
The Oxford Dictionary of American Usage and Style
A Handbook of Basic Legal Terms
A Handbook of Business Law Terms
A Handbook of Criminal Law Terms
A Handbook of Family Law Terms
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HBR Guide to
Better
Business
Writing
Bryan A. Garner
HARVARD BUSINESS REVIEW PRESS
Boston, Massachusetts
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Copyright 2012 Bryan A. Garner
All rights reserved
No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in, or intro-
duced into a retrieval system or transmitted, in any form or by any
means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or other-
wise), without the prior permission of the publisher. Requests for
permission should be directed to permissions@hbsp.harvard.edu or
mailed to Permissions, Harvard Business School Publishing, 60 Har-
vard Way, Boston, Massachusetts 02163.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Garner, Bryan A.
HBR guide to better business writing / Bryan A. Garner.
p. cm. — (Harvard business review guides)
Includes bibliographical references and index.
ISBN 978-1-4221-8403-5 (alk. paper)
1. Commercial correspondence. 2. Business writing. I. Harvard
business review. II. Title. III. Title: Guide to better business
writing.
HF5718.3.G37 2013
808.06′665—dc23
2012032809
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Find more digital content or join the discussion on www.hbr.org.
The web addresses referenced and linked in this book were live and
correct at the time of the book’s publication but may be subject to change.
To J.P. Allen,
my lifelong friend
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What You’ll Learn
Do you freeze up when writing memos to senior execu-
tives? Do your reports meander and raise more questions
than they answer for key stakeholders? Do your e-mails
to colleagues disappear into a void, never to be answered
or acted on? Do your proposals fail to win clients?
You’ll lose a lot of time, money, and infl uence if you
struggle with business writing. And it’s a common prob-
lem. Many of us fumble for the right words and tone in
our documents, even if we’re articulate when we speak.
But it doesn’t have to be that way. Writing clearly and
persuasively requires neither magic nor luck. It’s a skill—
and this guide will give you the confi dence and the tools
you need to cultivate it.
You’ll get better at:
• Pushing past writer’s block.
• Motivating readers to act.
• Organizing your ideas.
• Expressing your main points clearly.
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x
What You’ll Learn
• Cutting to the chase.
• Holding readers’ attention.
• Writing concise, useful summaries.
• Trimming the fat from your documents.
• Striking the right tone.
• Avoiding grammar gaffes.
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Contents
Introduction: Why you need to write well xv
Section 1: Delivering the Goods
Quickly and Clearly
1. Know why you’re writing 3
2. Understand your readers 7
3. Divide the writing process into four
separate tasks 13
4. Before writing in earnest, jot down your
three main points—in complete sentences 19
5. Write in full—rapidly 27
6. Improve what you’ve written 31
7. Use graphics to illustrate and clarify 37
Section 2: Developing Your Skills
8. Be relentlessly clear 43
9. Learn to summarize—accurately 49
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xii
Contents
10. Waste no words 53
11. Be plain-spoken: Avoid bizspeak 57
12. Use chronology when giving a factual
account 67
13. Be a stickler for continuity 71
14. Learn the basics of correct grammar 77
15. Get feedback on your drafts from colleagues 85
Section 3: Avoiding the Quirks That
Turn Readers Off
16. Don’t anesthetize your readers 91
17. Watch your tone 99
Section 4: Common Forms of
Business Writing
18. E-mails 105
19. Business Letters 111
20. Memos and Reports 125
21. Performance Appraisals 133
Appendixes
A. A Checklist for the Four Stages of Writing 139
B. A Dozen Grammatical Rules You Absolutely
Need to Know 143
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xiii
Contents
C. A Dozen Punctuation Rules You Absolutely
Need to Know 153
D. Common Usage Gaff es 163
E. Some Dos and Don’ts of Business-Writing
Etiquette 165
F. A Primer of Good Usage 169
Desk References 199
Index 203
Acknowledgments 209
About the Author 211
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xv
Introduction:
Why you need to
write well
You may think you shouldn’t fuss about your writing—
that good enough is good enough. But that mind-set is
costly. Supervisors, colleagues, employees, clients, part-
ners, and anyone else you communicate with will form
an opinion of you from your writing. If it’s artless and
sloppy, they may assume your thinking is the same. And
if you fail to convince them that they should care about
your message, they won’t care. They may even decide
you’re not worth doing business with. The stakes are that
high.
Some people say it’s not a big deal. They may feel com-
placent. Or they may think it’s ideas that matter—not
writing. But good writing gets ideas noticed. It gets them
realized. So don’t be misled: Writing well is a big deal.
Those who write poorly create barriers between them-
selves and their readers; those who write well connect
with readers, open their minds, and achieve goals.
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Introduction
xvi
All it takes is a few words to make a strong impres-
sion, good or bad. Let’s look at four brief passages—two
effective and two not. See whether you can tell which
ones are which:
1. In the business climate as it exists at this point
in time, one might be justifi ed in having the
expectation that the recruitment and reten-
tion of new employees would be facilitated by
the economic woes of the current job market.
However, a number of entrepreneurial busi-
ness people have discovered that it is no small
accomplishment to add to their staff people
who will contribute to their bottom line in a
positive, benefi cial way.
2. In this job market, you might think that hiring
productive new employees would be easy. But
many entrepreneurs still struggle to fi nd good
people.
3. The idea of compensating a celebrity who
routinely uses social media to the tune of
thousands of dollars to promote one’s com-
pany by tweeting about it may strike one as
unorthodox, to say the least. But the number of
businesses appropriating and expending funds
for such activities year on year as a means of
promotion is very much on the rise.
4. Paying a celebrity thousands of dollars to pro-
mote your company in 140-character tweets
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Introduction
xvii
may seem crazy. But more and more businesses
are doing just that.
Can you tell the difference? Of course you can. The fi rst
and third examples are verbose and redundant. The syn-
tax is convoluted and occasionally derails. The second
and fourth examples are easy to understand, economical,
and straightforward. They don’t waste the reader’s time.
You already recognize business writing that gets the
job done—and trust me, you can learn to produce it.
Maybe you think writing is a bother. Many people do. But
there are time-tested methods for reducing the worry and
labor. That’s what you’ll fi nd in this book, along with lots
of “before” and “after” examples that show these meth-
ods in action. (They’re adapted from real documents, but
disguised.)
Good writing isn’t an inborn gift. It’s a skill you cul-
tivate, like so many others. Anyone of normal athletic
ability can learn to shoot a basketball or hit a golf ball
reasonably well. Anyone of normal intelligence and coor-
dination can learn to play a musical instrument compe-
tently. And if you’ve read this far, you can learn to write
well—probably very well—with the help of a few guiding
principles.
Think of yourself as a professional writer
If you’re in business, and you’re writing anything to get
results—e-mails, proposals, reports, you name it—then
you’re a professional writer. Broadly speaking, you belong
to the same club as journalists, ad agencies, and book
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Introduction
xviii
authors: Your success may well depend on the writing
you produce and its effect on readers. That’s why what
you produce should be as polished as you can make it.
Here’s an example you may be familiar with. Various
versions of this story exist—it’s sometimes placed in dif-
ferent cities and told with different twists:
A blind man sits in a park with a scrawled sign hang-
ing from his neck saying, “I AM BLIND,” and a tin cup
in front of him. A passing ad writer pauses, seeing only
three quarters in the cup. He asks, “Sir, may I change
your sign?” “But this is my sign. My sister wrote it
just as I said.” “I understand. But I think I can help.
Let me write on the back, and you can try it out.” The
blind man hesitantly agrees. Within two hours the cup
is full of coins and bills. As another passerby donates,
the blind man says: “Stop for a moment, please. What
does my sign say?” “Just seven words,” says the newest
contributor: “It is spring, and I am blind.”
It matters how you say something.
Read carefully to pick up good style
To express yourself clearly and persuasively, you’ll need
to develop several qualities:
• An intense focus on your reason for writing—and
on your readers’ needs.
• A decided preference for the simplest words pos-
sible to express an idea accurately.
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Introduction
xix
• A feel for natural idioms.
• An aversion to jargon and business-speak.
• An appreciation for the right words in the right
places.
• An ear for tone.
How can you acquire these traits? Start by noticing their
presence or absence in everything you read. Slow down
just a little to study the work of pros. This shouldn’t be a
chore, and it shouldn’t be squeezed in at the end of a long
day. Grab a few spare minutes, over your morning cof-
fee or between tasks, and read closely. Find good mate-
rial that you enjoy. It could be the Economist or the Wall
Street Journal, or even Sports Illustrated, which contains
tremendous writing.
If you can, read at least one piece aloud each day as if
you were a news announcer. (Yes, literally aloud.) Read
with feeling. Heed the punctuation, the phrasing, the
pacing of ideas, and the paragraphing. This habit will
help cultivate an appreciation of the skills you’re trying to
acquire. And once you’ve honed your awareness, all you
need is practice.
Recognize the payoff
An ambiguous letter or e-mail message will require a
“corrective communication” to clear up a misunder-
standing—which saps resources and goodwill. A poorly
phrased and poorly reasoned memo may lead to bad
decision-making. An ill-organized report can obscure
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Introduction
xx
important information and cause readers to overlook vi-
tal facts. A heavy, uninviting proposal will get put aside
and forgotten. A badly drafted pitch to a key client will
only consume the time of higher-ups who must rewrite
it at the eleventh hour to make it passable—lowering its
chances of success because of the hectic circumstances
surrounding its preparation.
That’s a lot of wasted time—and a drag on profi ts. But
you can prevent these problems with clear, concise writ-
ing. It’s not some mysterious art, secret and remote. It’s
an indispensable business tool. Learn how to use it, and
achieve the results you’re after.
One prefatory note: Asterisks are used in the text
throughout this book to mark examples of incorrect En-
glish grammar, spelling, or usage.
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Section 1
Delivering the
Goods Quickly
and Clearly
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3
Chapter 1
Know why
you’re writing
Many people begin writing before they know what they’re
trying to accomplish. As a result, their readers don’t know
where to focus their attention or what they’re supposed to
do with the message. So much depends on your purpose
in writing that you must fi x it fi rmly in your mind. What
do you want the outcome to be? Do you want to persuade
someone to sign a franchise contract, for instance? Or
to stop using your trademark without permission? Or to
come to a company reception?
Say clearly and convincingly what the issue is and
what you want to accomplish. With every sentence, ask
yourself whether you’re advancing the cause. That will
help you fi nd the best words to get your message across.
Form follows function
Say your fi rm rents space in an offi ce building that has
thoroughly renovated the entrance and the entire fi rst
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Delivering the Goods Quickly and Clearly
4
fl oor. Your general counsel has alerted you that the land-
lord has violated the Americans with Disabilities Act
(ADA). For example, there are no wheelchair-access
ramps or automatic doors. You’ve decided to write to the
landlord. But why are you writing? The answer to that
question determines much of what you’ll say and all of
the tone that you’ll use. Consider three versions of the
letter you might write:
Version #1
You’re good friends with the landlord, but you think that
the law should be followed for the good of your employees
and your customers. Purpose: to gather more information.
Tone: friendly.
Dear Ann:
The new foyer looks fantastic. What a great way for us
and others in the building to greet customers and other
visitors. Thank you for undertaking the renovations.
Could it be that the work isn’t fi nished? No ac-
commodations have yet been made for wheelchair
accessibility—as required by law. Perhaps I’m jumping
the gun, and that part of the work just hasn’t begun?
Please let me know.
Let’s get together for lunch soon.
All the best,
Version #2
You’re on good terms with the landlord, but on principle,
you don’t like being in a building that isn’t ADA- compliant.
You have a disabled employee on staff , and you want the
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Know why you’re writing
5
situation righted. Purpose: to correct the oversight. Tone:
more urgent.
Dear Ann:
Here at Bergson Company, we were delighted when
you renovated the fi rst fl oor and made it so much more
inviting to both tenants and visitors. We are troubled,
however, by the lack of wheelchair-access ramps and
automatic doors for handicapped employees and cus-
tomers, both of which are required by state and federal
law. Perhaps you’re still planning that part of the reno-
vations. If so, please advise.
If this was a mere oversight, can you assure us that
construction on ramps and automatic doors will begin
within 60 days? Otherwise, as we understand it, we may
be obliged to report the violation to the Vermont Build-
ings Commission. Without the fi xes, you may be subject
to some hefty fi nes—but we feel certain that you have
every intention of complying with the law.
Sincerely,
Version #3
You’ve had repeated problems with the landlord, and you
have found a better rental property elsewhere for your
company. Purpose: to terminate your lease. Tone: fi rm, but
without burning bridges.
Dear Ms. Reynolds:
Four weeks ago you fi nished renovating the fi rst fl oor
of our building. Did you not seek legal counsel? You
have violated the Americans with Disabilities Act—as
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Delivering the Goods Quickly and Clearly
6
well as state law—by failing to provide a wheelchair-
access ramp and automatic doors for handicapped visi-
tors and employees. Because four weeks have elapsed
since you completed the work, we are entitled under
state law to terminate our lease. This letter will serve as
our 30days’ notice.
Although we have no doubt that your oversight was
a good-faith error, we hope that you understand why
we can’t stay in the building and have made plans to go
elsewhere.
We hope to remain on friendly terms during and after
the move.
Sincerely,
These three letters are quite different because you are
writing them to accomplish different things. Focus on
the reaction you’re trying to elicit from the reader. You
want results. Yet notice how even the sternest letter—
Version 3—maintains a civil tone to foster goodwill. No
hostility is necessary.
Recap
• Consider your purpose and your audience before
you begin writing, and let these guide both what
you say and how you say it.
• Plainly state the issue you’re addressing and what
you hope to achieve.
• Keep your goal in mind: Don’t undermine your ef-
forts with a hostile or inappropriate tone.
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7
Chapter 2
Understand
your readers
Communication is a two-way exercise. Without knowing
something about your readers—and about psychology
in general, for that matter—you’ll rarely get your ideas
across. What are their goals and priorities? What pres-
sures do they face? What motivates them?
Respect readers’ time constraints
The most important things to realize about all business
audiences are these:
• Your readers are busy—very busy.
• They have little if any sense of duty to read what
you put before them.
• If you don’t get to your point pretty quickly, they’ll
ignore you—just as you tend to ignore long, ram-
bling messages when you receive them.
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Delivering the Goods Quickly and Clearly
8
• At the slightest need to struggle to understand
you, they’ll stop trying—and think less of you.
• If they don’t buy your message, you may as well
have stayed in bed that day.
Each of these universal tendencies becomes magnifi ed as
you ascend the ranks of an organization. Your job as a
writer, then, is to:
• Prove quickly that you have something valuable to
say—valuable to your readers, not just to you.
• Waste no time in saying it.
• Write with such clarity and effi ciency that reading
your material is easy—even enjoyable.
• Use a tone that makes you likable, so that your
readers will want to spend time with you and your
message.
Do these things and you’ll develop a larger reservoir of
goodwill. You’ll not only have a genuinely competitive
edge, but you’ll also save time and money.
Tailor your message
If you’re writing a memo to colleagues, for example, con-
sider where they sit in the organization and what they’re
expected to contribute to its success. Or if you’re respond-
ing to a client’s request for proposal, address every need
outlined in the RFP—but also think about the client’s in-
dustry, company size, and culture. Your tone will change
depending on your recipients, and so will your content.
You’ll highlight the things they care about most—the
ever-important “what’s in it for them.”
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Understand your readers
9
Connect with particular readers to
connect with large audiences
It’s challenging to write for a large, diverse group of read-
ers, especially if you don’t know them. But you can make
it easier by focusing on some specifi c person you know.
In his preface to the U.S. Securities and Exchange Com-
mission’s Plain English Handbook, Warren Buffett sug-
gests grounding your prose by having a particular reader
in mind:
When writing Berkshire Hathaway’s annual report,
I pretend that I’m talking to my sisters. I have no
trouble picturing them: Though highly intelligent,
they are not experts in accounting or fi nance. They will
understand plain English, but jargon may puzzle them.
My goal is simply to give them the information I would
wish them to supply me if our positions were reversed.
To succeed, I don’t need to be Shakespeare; I must,
though, have a sincere desire to inform.
If you focus on a smart nonspecialist who’s actually in
your audience—or, like Buffett, imagine that you’re writ-
ing for a relative or a friend—you’ll strike a balance be-
tween sophistication and accessibility. Your writing will
be more appealing and more persuasive.
Your readers may have little or no prior knowledge
about the facts or analysis you’re disclosing. But assume
that they’re intelligent people. They’ll be able to follow
you if you give them the information they need, and they
won’t be bamboozled by empty, airy talk.
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Delivering the Goods Quickly and Clearly
10
NOT THIS:
We aspire to be a partner
primarily concerned with
providing our clients the
maximal acquisition of
future profi ts and assets and
focus mainly on clients with
complex and multi-product
needs, large and midsized
corporate entities, individual
or multiple entrepreneurial
agents, and profi t-maximizing
institutional clients. By listen-
ing attentively to their needs
and off ering them paramount
solutions, we empower those
who wish to gain access to
our services with the optimal
set of decisions in their pos-
sible action portfolio given
the economic climate at the
time of the advice as well as
the fi scal constraints that
you are subject to. Against
the backdrop of signifi cant
changes within our industry,
we strive to ensure that we
consistently help our clients
realize their goals and thrive,
and we continue to strengthen
the coverage of our key clients
by process-dedicated teams
of senior executives who can
deliver and utilize our inte-
grated business model. On
the back of a strong capital
position and high levels of
client satisfaction and brand
recognition, we have achieved
signifi cant gains in market
share. We hope that you have
a favorable impression of our
company’s quantitative and
qualitative attributes and will
be inclined to utilize our ser-
vices as you embark on your
fi nancial endeavors.
BUT THIS:
We’re a client-focused fi rm
dedicated to making sure
you get the most out of our
services. Our client base
includes individual entrepre-
neurs, midsized companies,
and large corporations. If you
decide to do business with us,
we’ll give you fi nancial advice
that is in tune with the current
economy and with what you
can aff ord to invest. For years,
we’ve consistently received
the highest possible industry
ratings, and we have won the
coveted Claiborne Award for
exceptional client satisfaction
17 of our 37 years in business.
We hope to have the opportu-
nity to work with you in your
fi nancial endeavors.
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Understand your readers
11
Recap
• Understand that your readers have no time to
waste: Get to the point quickly and clearly to en-
sure that your message gets read.
• Use a tone appropriate for your audience.
• Emphasize the items most important to your
readers. If they can easily see how your message is
relevant to them, they will be more likely to read it
and respond.
• Choose an intelligent, nonspecialist member of
your audience to write for—or invent one—and
focus on writing for that person. Your message will
be more accessible and persuasive to all your read-
ers as a result.
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13
Chapter 3
Divide the writing
process into four
separate tasks
Do you feel anxious every time you sit down to write?
Your main diffi culty is probably fi guring out how to
begin. Don’t try to picture the completed piece before
you’ve gathered and organized your material. It’s much
too soon to think about the fi nal, polished product—and
you will just make the challenge ahead of you seem over-
whelming. The worry can take more out of you than the
actual writing.
Instead, break up your work. Think of writing not as
one huge task but as a series of smaller tasks. The poet,
writer, and teacher Betty Sue Flowers has envisioned
them as belonging to different characters in your brain:
MACJ.1 That stands for Madman–Architect– Carpenter–
1. Betty S. Flowers, “Madman, Architect, Carpenter, Judge: Roles and
the Writing Process,” Proceedings of the Conference of College Teachers
of English 44 (1979): 7–10.
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Delivering the Goods Quickly and Clearly
14
Judge, representing the phases that a writer must go
through:
• The Madman gathers material and generates ideas.
• The Architect organizes information by drawing up
an outline, however simple.
• The Carpenter puts your thoughts into words, lay-
ing out sentences and paragraphs by following the
Architect’s plan.
• The Judge is your quality-control character, polish-
ing the expression throughout—everything from
tightening language to correcting grammar and
punctuation.
You’ll be most effi cient if you carry out these tasks
pretty much in this order. Sure, you’ll do some looping
back. For example, you may need to draft more material
after you’ve identifi ed holes to fi ll. But do your best to
compartmentalize the discrete tasks and address them in
order.
Get the Madman started
Accept your good ideas gratefully whenever they come.
But if you’re methodical about brainstorming at the be-
ginning of the process, you’ll fi nd that more and more of
your good ideas will come to you early—and you’ll largely
prevent the problem of fi nally thinking of your best point
after you’ve fi nished and distributed your document.
Get your material from memory, from research, from
observation, from conversations with colleagues and oth-
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Divide the writing process into four separate tasks
15
ers, and from reasoning, speculation, and imagination.
The problem you’re trying to solve may seem intractable,
and you may struggle to fi nd a good approach. (How on
earth will you persuade the folks in fi nance to approve
your budget request when they’re turning down requests
left and right? How will you get the executive board to
adopt a new mind-set about a proposed merger?) Don’t
get hung up on the size of the challenge. Gathering ideas
and facts up front will help you push through and defuse
anxiety about the writing.
How do you keep track of all this preliminary mate-
rial? In the old days, people used index cards. (I wrote my
fi rst several books that way.) But today the easiest way is
to create a rough spreadsheet that contains the following:
• Labels indicating the points you’re trying to
support.
• The data, facts, and opinions you’re recording
under each point—taking care to put direct quotes
within quotation marks.
• Your sources. Include the title and page number
if citing a book or an article, the URL if citing an
online source. (When writing a formal document,
such as a report, see The Chicago Manual of Style
for information on proper sourcing.)
As you’re taking notes, distinguish facts from opinions.
Be sure to give credit where it’s due. You’ll run aground if
you claim others’ assertions as your own, because you’ll
probably be unable to back them up convincingly. Worse,
you’ll be guilty of plagiarism.
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Delivering the Goods Quickly and Clearly
16
This groundwork will save you loads of time when
you’re drafting and will help you create a well-supported,
persuasive document.
Let the Architect take the lead
You may feel frustrated at fi rst as you’re groping for a
way to organize your document. If a sensible approach
doesn’t come to mind after you’ve done your research
and scouted for ideas, you may need to do more hunting
and gathering. You want to arrive at the point of writ-
ing down three sentences—complete propositions—that
convey your ideas. Then arrange them in the most logi-
cal order from the reader’s point of view (see chapter 4).
That’s your bare-bones outline, which is all you typically
need before you start drafting.
Give the Carpenter a tight schedule
The key to writing a sound fi rst draft is to write as swiftly
as you can (you’ll read more about this in chapter 5).
Later, you’ll make corrections. But for now, don’t slow
yourself down to perfect your wording. If you do, you’ll
invite writer’s block. Lock the Judge away at this stage,
and try to write in a headlong rush.
Call in the Judge
Once you’ve got it all down, it’s time for deliberation—
weighing your words, fi lling in gaps, amplifying here and
curtailing there. Make several sweeps, checking for one
thing at a time: the accuracy of your citations, the tone,
the quality of your transitions, and so on. (For an edito-
rial checklist, see chapter 6.) If you try to do many things
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Divide the writing process into four separate tasks
17
at once, you won’t be doing any of them superbly. So leave
plenty of time for multiple rounds of editing—at least as
much time as you spent researching and writing. You’ll
ferret out more problems, and you’ll fi nd better fi xes for
them.
Recap
• Approach a writing project as a series of manage-
able tasks using the MACJ method.
• Use the Madman to gather research and other
material for the project, diligently keeping track
of quotations and sources. And allow more of your
best ideas to come early by methodically brain-
storming at the beginning of the process.
• As the Architect, organize the Madman’s raw ma-
terial into a sensible outline. Distill your ideas into
three main propositions.
• In the Carpenter phase, write as quickly as
possible—without worrying about perfecting
your prose.
• Finally, assume the role of the Judge to edit,
polish, and improve the piece. Do this in several
distinct passes, each time focusing on only one ele-
ment of your writing.
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19
Chapter 4
Before writing
in earnest, jot
down your three
main points—
in complete
sentences
A mathematician once told me that there are really only
four numbers in the world: one, two, three, and many.
There’s something to that: Four items just seem to be one
too many for most people to hold in their memory. But a
proposal, a report, or any other piece of business writing
feels underdeveloped when it’s supported by only one or
two points.
So write down your three main points as full sen-
tences, and spell out your logic as clearly as you can. That
way, you’ll force yourself to think through your reasons
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Delivering the Goods Quickly and Clearly
20
for recommending a vendor, for example, or pitching an
offer to a client—and you’ll make a stronger case.
If you try to simply think things out as you write, you’ll
run into trouble because you won’t really know yet what
you’re hoping your reader will think or do. You’ll fl ail
about, gradually clarifying your point as you make sev-
eral runs at it. In the end, after multiple attempts, you
may fi nally fi gure out what you have to say, but you prob-
ably won’t say it in a way that your reader can follow.
An example of fi nding your focus
Let’s say your name is Carol Sommers, and you work
at a small management-consulting fi rm. Your boss,
Steve, owns the business and is considering acquiring a
17,000-square-foot building as his new offi ce. Because
you’re the offi ce manager, Steve has asked you to think
through the logistics and to write up your recommenda-
tions before the company makes an offer to purchase the
building. At fi rst, you’re at a loss—there are so many is-
sues to sort through. But you’ve got to start somewhere.
So before you write your memo, you put on your Mad-
man hat and brainstorm a list of considerations:
• Ownership
• Maintenance
• Buildout
• Security
• Offi ces vs. cubicles
• Real-estate values—comparables?
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Before writing in earnest, jot down your three main points
21
• The move—bids on movers?
• Timing
• Tax consequences
• Employee and visitor parking
• Environmental inspection and related issues
• Smooth transitioning: phone and Internet service,
mail forwarding, new stationery, updating busi-
ness contacts, subscriptions, etc.
• Insurance
• Leaving current landlord on good terms
• Taking signage to new location?
These are just topics, not fully formed thoughts. But now
that you have a rough list, you can start the Architect
phase of writing and categorize in threes.
Steve’s responsibilities (before acquisition):
• Consider an environmental inspection to make
sure that the building has no hidden issues. Our
commercial realtor can help.
• Check with our accountant to fi nd out what tax
consequences we might have depending on how
we time the closing.
• Ask the accountant and perhaps a tax lawyer
whether Steve should own the property personally,
whether the company should own it, or whether a
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Delivering the Goods Quickly and Clearly
22
newly formed entity (an LLC, for example) should
own it. There may be liability issues.
My responsibilities (before acquisition):
• Cost out insurance coverage.
• Interview contractors for building out the space to
our satisfaction. (Note to self: Confi rm that we can
roll the buildout into the mortgage.)
• Cost out the annual bill for providing the kind of
security we currently have.
My responsibilities (postacquisition):
• Contract for maintenance (cleaning and trash
services, lawn and parking-lot care).
• Plan the move, with a smooth transition in opera-
tions (the physical move, mail forwarding, phone
and Internet, new stationery, address updates, an-
nouncement to customers, moving signage, etc.).
• Help Steve plan the architectural buildout to foster
collaboration and use space effi ciently.
To come up with all this, put yourself in Steve’s place,
imagining what you’d want your offi ce manager to think
of to help you do your job better. But it also takes a little
legwork—for example, talking to people at fi rms that
have recently changed locations or acquired buildings.
Can’t fi nd anyone like that through your network? Ask
the commercial realtor to put you in touch with one or
two of its clients.
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Before writing in earnest, jot down your three main points
23
For each stage, we’ve listed the three big issues—at least
what we think they are. Look how easy it is now to begin
your Carpenter work (writing a useful memo to Steve):
Memo
To: Steve Haskell
From: Carol Sommers
Re: The Prospective Purchase of 1242 Maple Avenue
Date: April 12, 2012
As you requested, I’ve thought through the logistics of
purchasing and moving into the Maple Avenue property.
Here are my suggestions for each stage of the process.
Now
I’d like your approval to tackle the following tasks im-
mediately because they’ll give us a more complete
picture of how expensive the acquisition and move
would be:
• Cost out insurance coverage.
• Interview contractors for building out the space
to our satisfaction. (I’ve checked with the bank to
see if we can roll the buildout into the mortgage,
and we can.)
• Cost out the annual bill for providing the kind of
security we currently have.
Preclosing
If you decide to go forward with the purchase and your
off er is accepted, I’ll take care of these items before we
close on the loan:
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Delivering the Goods Quickly and Clearly
24
• Arrange for at least one thorough inspection of
the building.
• Work with our accountant, to the extent you’d
like, to get papers in order for obtaining the bank
fi nancing you mentioned.
• Ensure that all due-diligence deadlines are met.
After Closing
After closing, I’ll get into the nuts and bolts of the move:
• Help you plan the architectural buildout to foster
collaboration and use space effi ciently.
• Plan the move, with a smooth transition in
operations (the physical move, mail forward-
ing, phone and Internet, new stationery, address
updates, announcement to customers, moving
signage,etc.).
• Contract for maintenance (cleaning and trash
services, lawn and parking-lot care).
Issues for You to Think About
While I’m attending to the details above, you might
want to:
• Consider environmental and structural inspec-
tions to make sure the building has no hidden is-
sues. Our commercial realtor says he can provide
guidance—I’d be happy to set up a meeting if
you like.
• Check with our accountant to fi nd out what tax
consequences we might have depending on how
we time the closing.
• Ask the accountant and perhaps a tax lawyer
whether you should own the property person-
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Before writing in earnest, jot down your three main points
25
ally (highly unlikely), whether Haskell Company
should own it, or whether a newly formed en-
tity (such as an LLC) should own it. You or the
company may face liability issues with outright
ownership.
Of course, I’m always on hand to take on whatever tasks
you need. Just let me know.
Prewriting in threes resulted in a clear, useful memo. It
helped us forestall writer’s block, organize the material,
and make concise, well-reasoned recommendations.
But did you notice that the fi nished memo breaks
things down into four categories, not three? As hard as
I tried to think of everything before writing the memo,
I couldn’t. Looking at my preliminary list, I identifi ed
a gap in time—a period in which there would be other
necessary tasks. So I added the preclosing category and
wrote those items on the fl y. But I probably wouldn’t have
come up with them if I hadn’t started with a plan. Orga-
nizing my main points in sets of three helped me see the
preclosing gap; after that, fi lling it in wasn’t diffi cult.
The order of categories changed, too. Why move
Steve’s tasks from the beginning to the end? The memo
was about what you, Carol Sommers, the offi ce manager,
could do for Steve. To think of your responsibilities, you
needed to think of Steve’s. That was your starting point
for brainstorming—but not for your memo.
You couldn’t very well lead by telling your boss what he
needs to do. That’s not your place, and that’s not what he
asked for. So Steve’s to-dos can go at the end, as helpful
reminders. That way, you can focus his attention mainly
on items you’ll take care of to make his decisions easier.
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Delivering the Goods Quickly and Clearly
26
Recap
• Find your focus by fi rst generating a list of topics
to cover.
• Develop these raw ideas into full sentences and
categorize your main points in sets of three.
• Arrange these sets in a logical order, keeping your
reader’s needs in mind.
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27
Chapter 5
Write in
full—rapidly
Once you’ve written your three main points so that you
know where you’re going, you’re in Carpenter mode—
ready to put together the ideas you’ve generated and or-
ganized. Write as quickly as possible. Your sentences will
be shorter than they otherwise would be, your idioms will
be more natural, and your draft should start taking shape
before you know it. If there’s a painful part of writing, it’s
doing the fi rst draft. When you shorten the duration, it’s
not as painful.
Time yourself
To prevent premature fussing, write against the clock.
(Creative writers call this speed writing. They often use
it as an exercise to get juices fl owing.) Allow yourself 5 or
10 minutes to draft each section—the opener, the body,
and the closer—and set the timer on your computer or
phone to keep yourself honest.
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Delivering the Goods Quickly and Clearly
28
Don’t edit as you go
It’s counterproductive to allow the Judge and the Car-
penter to work side by side. That’s essentially multitask-
ing—you’re just doing two things ineffi ciently rather than
simultaneously. And besides, the editorial part of the
brain is simply incompatible with the production part.
Who needs a fault-fi nding critic’s kibitzing when you’re
trying to create something new and fresh? You’re best off
keeping the Judge away as you produce your fi rst draft.
You’ll spend plenty of time editing later.
Don’t wait for inspiration
Inspiration rarely comes when you want it to. After the
careful planning you’ve done, you won’t need it anyway.
As the management expert Peter Drucker famously said
about innovation, good writing takes careful, conscious
work, not a “fl ash of genius.”
If you follow the MACJ process, you’ll inspire your-
self—and minimize your procrastinating. Once the Mad -
man and the Architect have worked, you should be
primed to write. Schedule the time when the Carpen-
ter is to begin, and when the appointed time comes, get
started.
Begin by writing in support of what you’re most com-
fortable addressing. When you get stuck, skip to some-
thing else. You need to get into a fl ow. If you’re still strug-
gling when you come back to that problem passage, say
out loud (to yourself or to a colleague) what you’re trying
to convey. Sometimes speaking will help you fi nd the right
words. The point is to get your ideas on paper—knowing
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Write in full—rapidly
29
that you’ll still have time to elaborate and perfect them at
the next stage.
Recap
• Write your fi rst draft as quickly as you can.
• Don’t get stuck waiting for inspiration. Try giv-
ing yourself 5 to 10 minutes for each section when
drafting.
• Resist the urge to perfect as you write. Saving the
editing until the draft is fi nished will keep the
Judge from getting in your way.
• Schedule a time for the Carpenter to work—and
when that time comes, begin.
• If you fi nd yourself stumped, move on to a dif-
ferent section you’re more comfortable with and
come back to the problem once you’ve found
your fl ow.
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31
Chapter 6
Improve what
you’ve written
Once you’ve written a complete draft, you’ll revise fi rst
and then edit. Revising is a reconsideration of what
you’re saying as a whole, and where you’re saying it. It’s
rethinking the fl oor plan. Editing is more a matter of
fi ne-tuning sentences and paragraphs. You need to allow
time for both. On the one hand, don’t let some neurotic
obsession with perfectionism delay important projects.
On the other hand, don’t rashly send things out without
proper vetting and improvement.
Revising
As a reviser, you’re asking several questions:
• Have I been utterly truthful?
• Have I said all that I need to say?
• Have I been appropriately diplomatic and fair?
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Delivering the Goods Quickly and Clearly
32
• Do I have three parts to the piece—an opener, a
middle, and a closer?
• In my opener, have I made my points quickly and
clearly? And concretely?
• Have I avoided a slow wind-up that unnecessarily
postpones the message?
• In the middle, have I proved my points with specifi cs?
• Is the structure immediately apparent to my read-
ers? Have I used informative headings?
• Is my closer consistent with the rest—yet ex-
pressed freshly? Have I avoided lame repetition?
Editing
When it comes to editing, you’re asking different ques-
tions as you read through your sentences and paragraphs:
• Can I save some words here?
• Is there a better way of phrasing this idea?
• Is my meaning unmistakable?
• Can I make it more interesting?
• Is the expression relaxed but refi ned?
• Does one sentence glide into the next, without
discontinuities?
An example of revising and editing
To understand the process more concretely, let’s take a
look at how an internal memo takes shape through three
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Improve what you’ve written
33
drafts. The fi rst draft is not very clear and omits impor-
tant information, but the germ of an idea is there:
First Draft
To: All Sales Personnel
From: Chris Hedron
Subject: Changes in Order-Processing Procedure
In order to facilitate the customers’ placement of
orders, a new order-processing procedure has been
designed. The process will require a customer to enter
the product and/or service code into our order-entry
system, which will then generate a quote for the job and
return it to the customer for approval. This will make
time for the customer to review the quote and transmit
any changes before work begins. Upon receipt of the
customer’s written approval, the quote will be trans-
formed into a work order. This procedure will make it
easier and faster for us to process customers’ orders.
This memo needs some amplifi cation, especially in the
realms of who, what, why, and when. The second draft,
a full-fl edged revision, fl eshes out much that was unclear
about the fi rst draft.
Second Draft
To: All Sales Personnel
From: Chris Hedron
Subject: New Work-Order-Processing Procedure
Because our current work-order-processing proce-
dure requires a lot of paperwork and phone calls, it’s
diffi cult for customers to make changes prior to the
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Delivering the Goods Quickly and Clearly
34
commencement of work. The procedure is ineffi cient
and subject to numerous errors. And it takes up to four
weeks from quote to approval to work order. So we have
designed a new four-step order-processing procedure
that will allow customers to place orders through our
website and allow us to begin jobs faster.
Beginning in January 2013, we will inform our cus-
tomers about the new procedure, and on April 20, 2013,
we will implement the new procedure, which will work
as follows. First, to initiate or change a work order,
customers can visit our website to request a quote by
fi lling out a detailed form and providing a purchase-
order number. Second, we will transmit a quote to the
customer for approval. Third, if the customer approves,
they can return the quote with an electronic signature
and purchase-order number. Fourth, we will transform
the quote to a work order immediately. Work-order
changes can be made using the same procedure except
that instead of a quote, customers will request a work-
order change.
The focus there was on saying all that needed to be
said—not on refi ning the expression. Now, though, it’s
possible to engage in fi ne-tuning and to produce a much-
improved draft.
Third Draft
To: All Sales Personnel
From: Chris Hedron
Subject: New Work-Order-Processing Procedure
Our current work-order processing takes a lot of paper-
work and phone calls, so it’s hard for our customers to
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Improve what you’ve written
35
make changes to the work before it begins. The proce-
dure is ineffi cient and subject to error. And it takes up
to four weeks from quote to approval to work order. We
have therefore designed a new four-step procedure that
has two key benefi ts: (1)Customers can place orders
through our website, and (2)we can start jobs faster.
Beginning January 2013, we’ll tell our customers
about the new procedure. On April 20, 2013, we’ll im-
plement it. The new procedure will work in four steps:
• Customers can visit our website to request a
quote for a job by fi lling out a form and providing
a purchase-order number.
• We’ll then send a quote for the customer’s
approval.
• The customer can return the approved quote with
a digital signature.
• We’ll instantly convert the quote to a work order.
Work-order changes can be made using the same pro-
cedure except that instead of a quote, customers will
request a work-order change.
Recap
• Allow yourself ample time to revise and edit
your work.
• Consider your draft in its entirety. Take a fresh
look at your content and structure: Have you
said everything you need to—and in the most
effec tive way?
• Then edit your work, fi ne-tuning to tighten,
sharpen, and refi ne your prose.
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37
Chapter 7
Use graphics
to illustrate
and clarify
When you’re writing about complex ideas, for example,
or looking for useful ways to break up a long stretch of
text, you can use a simple, elegant chart to convey critical
information at a glance. Such graphics especially serve
people who want to skim what you’ve written.
A few crucial principles:
• Make sure your graphics illustrate something dis-
cussed in the text.
• Place them near the text they illustrate, preferably
on the same page or on a facing page.
• Use legends and keys that readers can easily grasp.
To learn how to produce effective graphics, con-
sult the books of Edward Tufte, especially Envisioning
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Delivering the Goods Quickly and Clearly
38
Information and Beautiful Evidence. You’ll marvel at the
amount of learning and the sophisticated thought that lie
behind superb visuals.
It would be gross negligence to leave off without a
graphic, so here’s one to round out the section. Note that
when you fl ip through this book, your eye stops here.
That’s because any departure from the norm achieves a
special emphasis. If every third or fourth page had such a
Key point: Consider your audience’s concerns,
motivations, and background.
Who are you
writing for?
Why are you
writing?
Key point: Keep your purpose firmly in mind.
Every sentence should advance it.
Key point: Include only the main points and
details that will get your message across.
Key point: State your time frame.
Key point: Make it clear to readers how you’re
meeting their needs.
What needs
saying?
When are you
expecting
actions to be
taken?
How will your
communication
benefit your
readers?
FIGURE 
The Who-Why-What-When-How Chart
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Use graphics to illustrate and clarify
39
chart, the effect would be nullifi ed. So make your graph-
ics distinctive—and don’t overuse them.
Recap
• Distill your report (or part of it) into a chart, dia-
gram, or other visual aid that helps your audience
understand the content and its import.
• Take your design cues from visuals you have found
effective.
• Read the books of Edward Tufte to develop this
skill.
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Section 2
Developing
Your Skills
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43
Chapter 8
Be relentlessly
clear
Clarity can be a double-edged sword. When you’re forth-
right enough to take a position or recommend a course
of action, you’re sticking your neck out. People who don’t
want to commit make their writing muddy. Perhaps they’re
trying to leave room for their views to evolve as events un-
fold. Or perhaps they’re hoping they can later claim credit
for good results and deny responsibility for bad ones.
The fact is, though, that many readers will perceive
them not as savvy wait-and-see participants but as spine-
less herd-followers who are slow to see (much less seize)
opportunities within their reach. So clean up the mud.
Adopt the reader’s perspective
Always judge clarity from the reader’s standpoint—not
your own. Try showing a draft to colleagues with fresh
eyes and asking them what they think your main points
are. If they can’t do that accurately, then you’re not being
clear enough.
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Developing Your Skills
44
Your ideal should be to write so unmistakably that
your readers can’t possibly misunderstand or misinter-
pret. Anything that requires undue effort from them
won’t be read with full attention—and is bound to be
misunderstood.
Keep your language simple
Simplicity breeds clarity. Strive to use short words and
sentences. Over the years, research has confi rmed again
and again that the optimal average for readable sen-
tences is no more than 20 words. You’ll need variety to
hold interest—some very short sentences and some lon-
ger ones—but aim for an average of 20 words. With every
sentence, ask yourself whether you can say it more briefl y.
If you’re writing about technical matters for an audi-
ence of nonspecialists—for example, explaining the ben-
efi ts of a software upgrade to end users or putting to-
gether an investment primer for your company’s 401(k)
participants—don’t try to defi ne each term in the sen-
NOT THIS: BUT THIS:
Effi ciency measures that have
been implemented by the com-
pany with strong involvement
of senior management have
generated cost savings while
at the very same time assisting
in the building of a culture that
is centered around the value
of effi ciency. We anticipate
that, given this excising of
unnecessary expenditures
and enhanced control of other
expenditures, the overall prof-
itability of the company will be
increased in the near term of
up to four quarters.
Our senior management
team has cut costs and
made the company more
effi cient. We expect to be
more profi table for the next
four quarters.
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Be relentlessly clear
45
tence where it fi rst appears. That will bulk up your sen-
tences and make the material even harder for people to
grasp. Sometimes you’ll need a new sentence or even a
new paragraph to explain a term or concept in simple,
straightforward English.
Show, don’t tell
You probably heard writing teachers in school say, “Show,
don’t tell.” It’s excellent advice no matter what you’re writ-
ing—even business documents. The point is to be spe-
cifi c enough that you lead your readers to draw their own
conclusions (conclusions that match yours, of course), as
opposed to simply expressing your opinions without sup-
port and hoping people will buy them.
Consider these examples:
NOT THIS: BUT THIS:
He was a bad boss. He got a promotion based on
his assistant’s detailed re-
ports, but then—despite the
company’s record profi ts—
denied that assistant even
routine cost-of-living raises.
The company lost its focus and
fl oundered.
The CEO acquired fi ve un-
related subsidiaries—as far
afi eld as a paper company
and a retailer of children’s
toys—and then couldn’t ser-
vice the $26 million in debt.
The shares of OJM stock issued
to Pantheon stockholders in
the merger will constitute a
signifi cant proportion of the
outstanding stock of OJM after
the merger. Based on this signif-
icant proportion, it is expected
that OJM will issue millions of
OJM shares to Pantheon stock-
holders in the merger.
We expect that OJM will is-
sue about 320 million shares
of its stock to Pantheon
shareholders in the merger.
That fi gure will account
for about 42% of OJM’s
outstanding stock after the
merger.
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Developing Your Skills
46
WRITE LETTERS TO SHARPEN YOUR SKILLS
Your letter writing is the best barometer of your writ-
ing skills generally. And it’s a safe way to practice—to
prepare yourself for your more diffi cult writing tasks.
Write thank-you letters, congratulatory letters, letters
of recommendation (when asked), complaint letters,
letters to the editor, personal notes (handwritten), and
all sorts of others. If you can write good letters, you can
write just about anything. (See chapter 19, “Business
Letters,” for pointers on how.) That’s because they help
you to focus on others. When you write a letter, you’re
connecting with one particular recipient. And letters
help you build goodwill with people. An e-mail mes-
sage may create an impression, but it’s far less likely to
be remembered than a personal letter is.
To develop the habit, try writing a few letters a
week. Make many of them handwritten notes. (When
you receive one in a stack of mail, isn’t that the fi rst
thing that grabs your attention?) They’re personal and,
if well done, memorable and even savable. They’ll
help you build and maintain relationships. Write them
to tell those you supervise how much you appreciate
their hard work, congratulate colleagues on promo-
tions, motivate team members to meet goals, let new
partners know you’re eager to start collaborating, and
so on. To write a good one, keep it neat, try limiting it
to one page, make it warm and friendly, use you more
than I, and use tasteful, mature stationery.
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Be relentlessly clear
47
A short, vague sentence (like “He was a bad boss”) may
register in the readers’ minds—but only as a personal im-
pression that’s potentially biased. It’s credible only if its
source is highly credible. As for the long, vague sentence
about OJM stock, there’s nothing for readers to hold on
to, and they’ll get tired trying.
Concrete business writing is persuasive because it’s
evidence-based, clear, and memorable. When you supply
meaningful, objective details (explaining, for example, that
the fl oundering company “couldn’t service the $26 million
in debt”), you’re sharing information, not just your opin-
ion that the company “lost its focus.” You earn credibility
by demonstrating a command of the facts. You also give
your message staying power. People don’t care about—or
even remember—abstractions the way they do specifi cs.
So if you’re marketing your fi rm’s consulting services
to potential clients, don’t just tell them you’ll save them
money. Say how much money you’ve saved others. Don’t
just promise that you’ll make their lives easier. List the
time-consuming tasks you’ll take off their hands. Don’t
just claim to have deep experience in the health care
industry. Name names: Mention several hospitals and
medical centers you’ve done work for, and include testi-
monials saying how happy clients are with the time and
money you’ve saved them.
Recap
• Put yourself in the reader’s shoes to assess your
clarity. Better yet, see whether a colleague can ac-
curately summarize the main points of your draft
from a quick read-through.
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Developing Your Skills
48
• Phrase your ideas as plainly and briefl y as possible,
aiming for an average sentence length of 20 or
fewer words.
• Pave your readers’ way with concrete details. Don’t
try to push them there with abstract assertions.
• Cultivate your letter writing to improve your writ-
ing skills more generally.
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49
Chapter 9
Learn to
summarize—
accurately
A good summary is focused and specifi c—and it’s at the
beginning of your document so readers don’t have to dig.
It gets to the point. It lays the foundation for what’s to fol-
low. There’s no holding back on the crucial information.
Consider the difference between these two openers to
a recommendation that a proposal be rejected:
NOT THIS:
Summary
The cell phone changeover that has been proposed should
be rejected. For the reasons stated below, the company would
not be well served by accepting the proposal.
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Developing Your Skills
50
BUT THIS:
Summary
Last year, we adopted an offi cewide policy of issuing cell phones
to all executives and sales reps at an annual cost of $58,000
(including voice and data plans). The Persephone company has
proposed that we switch to its phones and service at an annual
cost of $37,000. The committee charged with evaluating this
proposal recommends that we reject it for four reasons:
1. The new plans would have signifi cantly less coverage in
Europe and Asia, so our international sales reps might
suff er lost opportunities.
2. Our current provider has been highly responsive and has
tailored its service to our needs.
3. The $21,000 savings is dwarfed by potential costs (even
one dropped sales call could result in a loss of much
more money than that).
4. Persephone’s customer service appears from credible
online reviews to be inferior.
What makes the second version better? It can be fully un-
derstood by anyone who reads it—at any time. The fi rst
version, by contrast, assumes familiarity: It’s clear to only
a few “insiders”—and for only a limited period. And be-
cause it’s vague, it lacks the credibility that the second
version earns through specifi cs.
Struggling to incorporate the right amount of detail to
make your summary clear and useful? Write a descrip-
tive outline of your document—summarize each para-
graph or section with a sentence that captures the who,
what, when, where, why, and how—and try creating your
overall summary out of that. Also, keep your readers’
needs foremost in your mind. What questions will people
have when they open your document? Provide brief but
concrete answers to those questions. These will assure
readers that what follows will matter to them.
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Learn to summarize—accurately
51
Be brief—but not too brief
People often assume that shorter is better when it comes
to summaries. But brevity without substance is worth-
less. Never say more than the occasion demands—but
never say less, either. Adopt the reader’s perspective: Fill
in as much information as it takes to get people up to
speed. Think of your summary as the CliffsNotes version
of your document. Although the second example is lon-
ger, it conveys the whole gist of the message. And there’s
not one wasted word, which brings us to our next chapter.
Recap
• Summarize the vital information at the beginning
of the document.
• Summarize each section with a sentence that ad-
dresses “the fi ve Ws” (who, what, when, where,
why) and how—and use these sentences to build
your general summary.
• Provide only the information the reader needs to
understand the issue—no more and no less.
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53
Chapter 10
Waste no words
Make every word count. When you mean before, don’t say
or write prior to, much less prior to the time when.
Though prior to is a linguistic choice that the diction-
ary offers us, it’s a bad choice. Never use two words for
one, three words for two, and so on. Syllables add up
fast and slow people down. Of course, stick to idiomatic
English. Don’t start dropping articles (a, an, the) where
we’d all normally expect them. And don’t cut the impor-
tant word that left and right—more often than not, you
really need it to be clear. But remove all the words that
aren’t performing a real function. Doing so saves readers
time and effort and makes your ideas easier to grasp and
apply.
Wordiness can exist on many levels, from rambling
statements to unnecessary repetition to verbose expres-
sions that could be replaced by shorter, sharper alterna-
tives. Whatever the manifestation, it’s bad. Consider the
following examples:
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Developing Your Skills
54
To trim extra words from your documents, try:
• Deleting every preposition that you can, especially
of: change April of 2013 to April 2013 and point of
view to viewpoint.
NOT THIS: BUT THIS:
The trend in the industry
is toward self-generation
by some companies of
their own websites, and
Internet technology is
changing the nature of
training necessary to
acquire the skill of
website development
at an acceptable level of
sophistication, so that
this activity can more
and more be handled
in-house.
[49 words]
Since Internet technology
makes it easier than ever to
develop sophisticated web-
sites, some companies now
develop their own in-house.
[19 words]
We are unable to fi ll
your order at this point
in time because there is
an ongoing dock strike
that aff ects our
operations.
[23 words]
We cannot fi ll your order
right now because of the dock
strike.
[12 words]
I am writing in response
to a number of issues
that have arisen with
regard to the recent
announcement that
there will be an increase
in the charge for the use
of our lobby computers.
[35 words]
You may have heard that we’re
raising the fees for using our
lobby computers.
[14 words]
The greater number of
these problems can
readily be dealt with in
such a way as to bring
about satisfactory solutions.
[21 words]
Most of these problems can be
readily solved.
[8 words]
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Waste no words
55
• Replacing every –ion word with a verb if you can.
Change was in violation of to violated and pro-
vided protection to to protected.
• Replacing is, are, was, and were with stronger
verbs where you can. Change was hanging to hung
and is indicative of to indicates.
You’ll see all three tricks at work here:
NOT THIS: BUT THIS:
The manufacturers of tools
for gardening have been the
victims of a compression
factor that has resulted in
an increase in units on the
market accompanied by a
negative disproportionate
rise of prices.
[36 words]
The garden-tool industry has
suff ered from an oversupply
of units coupled with rising
prices.
[14 words]
For the near and intermediate
future in terms of growth
goals, Bromodrotics, Inc., is
evaluating its corporate
design needs. The purpose
of this short-term and
intermediate-term evaluation
is to make a determination as
to how the image of the
company might best be
positioned to be of assistance
to the sales force in meeting
its growth goals.
[57 words]
To increase sales, Bromodrotics
needs to improve its image.
[9 words]
Ruthlessly cut words from your fi rst draft, so long as
you remain faithful to the sounds and rhythms of nor-
mal, down-to-earth English. Don’t compress words to
the point of sounding curt or unnatural.
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Developing Your Skills
56
One other trick in that last example: eliminating pad-
ding such as in terms of and the purpose of. Sometimes
you’ll fi nd even worse phrases:
in this connection it might be observed that
it is important to bear in mind that
it is interesting that
it is notable that
it is worthwhile to note that
it should be pointed out that
it will be remembered that
Leave all these things unsaid—without saying it goes
without saying that . . . .
Recap
• Never use more words than necessary: If you can
say it in two words instead of three, do so—as long
as the result still sounds natural.
• Tighten your prose by removing inessential prepo-
sitions, replacing abstract –ion nouns with action
verbs where possible, and replacing wordy be-verb
phrases with more direct simple verbs.
• Eliminate padding that doesn’t contribute to your
meaning.
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57
Chapter 11
Be plain-spoken:
Avoid bizspeak
It’s mission-critical to be plain-spoken, whether you’re
trying to be best-of-breed at outside-the-box thinking
or simply incentivizing colleagues to achieve a paradigm
shift in core-performance value-adds. Leading-edge le-
veraging of your plain-English skill set will ensure that
your actionable items synergize future-proof assets with
your global-knowledge repository.
Just kidding. Seriously, though, it’s important to write
plainly. You want to sound like a person, not an institu-
tion. But it’s hard to do, especially if you work with people
who are addicted to buzzwords. It takes a lot of practice.
Back when journalists were somewhat more fastidi-
ous with the language than they are today, newspaper
editors often kept an “index expurgatorius”: a roster of
words and phrases that under no circumstances (except
perhaps in a damning quote) would fi nd their way into
print. Here’s such a list for the business writer. Of course,
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Developing Your Skills
58
it’s just a starting point—add to it as you come across
other examples of bizspeak that hinder communication
by substituting clichés for actual thought.
Bizspeak Blacklist
actionable (apart from legal action)
agreeance
as per
at the end of the day
back of the envelope
bandwidth (outside electronics)
bring our A game
client-centered
come-to-Jesus
core competency
CYA
drill down
ducks in a row
forward initiative
going forward
go rogue
guesstimate
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Be plain-spoken: Avoid bizspeak
59
harvesting effi ciencies
hit the ground running
impact (as verb)
incent
incentivize
impactful
kick the can down the road
Let’s do lunch.
Let’s take this offl ine.
level the playing fi eld
leverage (as verb)
liaise
mission-critical
monetize
net-net
on the same page
operationalize
optimize
out of pocket (except in reference to expenses)
paradigm shift
parameters
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Developing Your Skills
60
per
planful
pursuant to
push the envelope
putting lipstick on a pig
recontextualize
repurpose
rightsized
sacred cow
scalable
seamless integration
seismic shift (outside earthquake references)
smartsized
strategic alliance
strategic dynamism
synergize; synergy
think outside the box
throw it against the wall and see if it sticks
throw under the bus
turnkey
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Be plain-spoken: Avoid bizspeak
61
under the radar
utilization; utilize
value-added
verbage (the correct term is verbiage—in reference
only to verbose phrasings)
where the rubber meets the road
win-win
These phrases have become voguish in business—ab-
stain if you can. Sometimes people use them to enhance
their own sense of belonging or to sound “in the know.”
Or they’ve been taught that good writing is hyperformal,
so they stiffen up when they use a keyboard or pick up a
pen, and they pile on the clichés.
It takes experience to bring your written voice into line
with your spoken voice and to polish it so well that no one
notices the polish.
NOT THIS: BUT THIS:
The reduction in monthly
assessments which will occur
beginning next month has
been made fi nancially fea-
sible as a result of leveraging
our substantial reductions in
expenditures.
We’ll be cutting your assess-
ments beginning next month
because we’ve saved on
expenses.
It is to be noted that a con-
siderable amount of savings
has been made possible
by reason of our planful
initiation of more effi cient
and eff ective purchasing
procedures.
We’ve saved considerable sums
by streamlining our purchases.
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Developing Your Skills
62
Hunt for off ending phrases
Start looking for bizspeak in all kinds of documents,
from memos to marketing plans, and you’ll fi nd it every-
where. You’ll eventually learn to spot it—and avoid it—in
your own writing. You’ll omit canned language such as
Attached please fi nd and other phrases that only clutter
your message.
Bizspeak may seem like a convenient shorthand, but
it suggests to readers that you’re on autopilot, thought-
lessly using boilerplate phrases that people have heard
over and over. Brief, readable documents, by contrast,
show care and thought. Attached please fi nd is just one
example among many:
NOT THIS: BUT THIS:
at your earliest convenience as soon as you can
in light of the fact that because
we are in receipt of we’ve received
as per our telephone
conversation on today’s date
as we discussed this
morning
Pursuant to your instructions,
I met with Roger Smith today
regarding the above-mentioned.
As you asked, I met with
Roger Smith today.
Please be advised that the
deadline for the above-
mentioned competition is
Monday, April 2, 2012.
The deadline is April 2, 2012.
Thank you for your courtesy
and cooperation regarding
this matter.
Thank you.
Thank you in advance for your
courtesy and cooperation in this
regard. Please do not hesitate
to contact me if you have any
questions regarding this request.
Thank you. If you have any
questions, please call.
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Be plain-spoken: Avoid bizspeak
63
Writing plainly means expressing ideas as straight-
forwardly as you can—without sacrifi cing meaning or
tone.
Take Warren Buffett again, one of the smartest busi-
ness leaders on the planet—and someone, by the way, who
cares a lot about good business writing. Consider how
he rewrote a short passage that he found in a fi nancial-
services fi rm’s business prospectus. Read through the
fi rst excerpt before you read Buffett’s translation below it,
and note the bizspeak phrases that landed on the cutting-
room fl oor as Buffett tightened and translated:
NOT THIS:
Maturity and duration management decisions are made in the
context of an intermediate maturity orientation. The maturity
structure of the portfolio is adjusted in the anticipation of
cyclical interest-rate changes. Such adjustments are not made
in an eff ort to capture short-term, day-to-day movements in
the market, but instead are implemented in anticipation of
longer-term, secular shifts in the interest rates (i.e., shifts
transcending and/or not inherent to the business cycle). Adjust-
ments made to shorten portfolio maturity and duration are
made to limit capital losses during periods when interest rates
are expected to rise. Conversely, adjustments made to lengthen
maturation for the portfolio’s maturity and duration strategy lies
in the analysis of the U.S. and global economies, focusing on
levels of real interest rates, monetary and fi scal policy actions,
and cyclical indicators.
Words: 136
Sentences: 5 (All passive voice)
Average sentence length: 27.2
Flesch Reading Ease: 8.2
BUT THIS:
We will try to profi t by correctly predicting future interest
rates. When we have no strong opinion, we will generally hold
intermediate-term bonds. But when we expect a major and
sustained increase in rates, we will concentrate on short-term
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Developing Your Skills
64
issues. And conversely, if we expect a major shift to lower rates,
we will buy long bonds. We will focus on the big picture and
won’t make moves based on short-term considerations.
Words: 74
Sentences: 5 (None passive voice)
Average sentence length: 14.8
Flesch Reading Ease: 60.1
If you analyze the before-and-after prospectuses under
the Flesch Reading Ease (FRE) scale—a test developed by
readability expert Rudolf Flesch to measure the compre-
hensibility of written passages using word and sentence
length—you can quantify the difference. The higher the
score, the easier the passage is to read and comprehend.
On a scale of 0–100, the original 136-word prospectus on
top scores an 8.2. In contrast, Warren Buffett’s revision
below it scores a 60.1. To give some perspective, Reader’s
Digest scores 65 on the FRE scale, Time magazine around
52, and the Harvard Law Review in the low 30s. Increas-
ing a passage’s readability is not the same as “dumbing
it down.” The revised passage above gives the reader the
same information—but more clearly.
Here’s a shorter example, this time from a community
college’s mission statement:
NOT THIS:
The object of this enterprise is to facilitate the development of
greater capacities for community colleges and not-for-profi t
neighborhood organizations to engage in heightened collabora-
tion in regard to the provision of community services that would
maximize the available resources from a number of community
stakeholders and to provide a greater level of communication
about local prioritization of educational needs with the particu-
lar community.
[63 words]
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Be plain-spoken: Avoid bizspeak
65
BUT THIS:
This project seeks to help community colleges and nonprofi t
neighborhood groups work more effi ciently together.
[15 words]
In both the Buffett example and the community- college
example, the original versions seem to be aiming at
something other than getting the point across. Perhaps
the writers wanted to sound impressive, or wanted to ob-
scure what they were actually up to, or wanted to cover
up the fact that they weren’t entirely sure what they were
up to. Whatever the answer, the original styles won’t
work on any target audience.
Recap
• Aim to write as naturally as you speak: Sound like
a human being, not a corporation.
• Avoid boilerplate phrases that weigh down your
language and suggest lazy thinking.
• Increase readability by expressing your ideas as
directly as possible.
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67
Chapter 12
Use chronology
when giving a
factual account
Stories are inherently chronological. One thing happens,
then another, then another. That structure works well
not only in books and fi lms but also in business writing.
It’s more likely to be clear and effi cient, and to keep read-
ers interested. So include “just the facts, ma’am,” as Joe
Friday on the old TV series Dragnet used to say. Just the
facts that matter, and in the right order.
In theory this point seems obvious, but in practice
writers fi nd storytelling diffi cult. They often dive straight
into the middle without orienting their readers, and the
inevitable result is confusion on the receiving end. You’re
familiar with this phenomenon. It happens all the time
in conversations with friends or family members: “Wait a
minute. Back up. When was this? Where were you? And
why were you talking to this guy? And where’d he come
from?”
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Developing Your Skills
68
Suppose you’re sending an e-mail message to give the
status of an ongoing project, and it’s been some time
since the last update. The recipient isn’t as immersed
in the project as you are and probably has many other
things going on. So remind your reader where things
stood when you last communicated about the subject,
and describe what’s happened since then:
NOT THIS: BUT THIS:
Sarah—
It was hard making
headway with Jim Martinez,
but fi nally we’re looking (in
the best-case scenario) at a
demonstration of what our
software can do by mid-May,
as I established in my fi rst
telephone conference with
Jim last Monday at 9:00
a.m. He was out Wednesday
and Thursday (I didn’t see
any reason to try calling
on Tuesday), but on Friday
he told me that we’d need
a sample app. But prior to
that, Magnabilify requires
an NDA. Tuesday’s meeting
should clarify things. Let me
know what you think.
Frank
Sarah—
Last week you asked me to
approach Magnabilify Corpora-
tion, the software developers,
to see whether they might have
any interest in our customizing
some security applications for
their computer systems. I fi nally
got through to Jim Martinez,
corporate vice president in
charge of software, and we have
planned a face-to-face meeting
at his offi ce next Tuesday.
The next steps, as I under-
stand them under Magnabilify’s
protocol, will be to enter into
a nondisclosure agreement, to
develop a sample application
(in less than two weeks), and
to schedule a demonstration
shortly after.
Can you and I chat before
Tuesday’s meeting?
Frank
The version on the left reads like stream-of-conscious-
ness. The writer didn’t take the time to step back, think
of the message from the reader’s perspective, and then
lay out the important points chronologically. A story,
even a short one like the narrative on the right, holds the
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Use chronology when giving a factual account
69
reader’s interest more effectively than jumbled facts in-
terspersed with opinions.
Plot out what happened, and when
When a serious dispute arises within a company, the
lawyers will typically ask their clients to produce a “chro-
nology of relevant events,” detailing the most important
incidents leading up to the dispute. This document helps
everyone involved think more clearly about how things
unfolded. Try taking a similar approach when writing
a document that walks the reader through a series of
events—whether you’re sending someone a project up-
date or preparing an employee’s performance evaluation.
Create a chronology of relevant events to organize the
narrative. Say you did that before drafting your e-mail
message to Sarah in the right-hand example. Here’s how
it might look:
Chronology of relevant events
Last week Sarah asked me to gauge
Magnabilify’s interest in having
us build customized security
applications.
Today I spoke with Jim Martinez.
Next Tuesday Jim and I will meet at his offi ce
to discuss.
In two weeks If Magnabilify is interested, we’ll
do an NDA, develop a sample
app, and schedule a demo.
Once you’ve laid out the chronology like this, drafting
the e-mail message becomes a lot easier—just a matter
of stringing the events together and asking to meet with
Sarah before next Tuesday’s meeting.
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Developing Your Skills
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Recap
• Include only the relevant facts.
• Provide them in chronological order to make it
easy for your readers to follow you.
• Organize your narrative by creating a chronology
of relevant events before you write; then string the
events together in your draft. But avoid the rote
recitation of unnecessary dates.
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71
Chapter 13
Be a stickler
for continuity
Smooth writing consists of a sequence of well-joined
sentences and paragraphs, not a mere collection of them.
This smooth sequencing requires good planning and skill
in handling transitions, or links that help readers follow
your train of thought.
Watch how a good writer on business ethics, Man-
uel G. Velasquez, does it with a series of paragraph open-
ers (the links are indicated here by italics):
A Series of Paragraph Openers from
Manuel G. Velasquez’s Business Ethics (2011)
1. How well does a free monopoly market
succeed in achieving the moral values that
characterize perfectly competitive free mar-
kets? Not well.
2. The most obvious failure of monopoly mar-
kets lies in the high prices they enable the
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Developing Your Skills
72
monopolist to charge and the high profi ts they
enable him to reap, a failure that violates capi-
talist justice.
3. A monopoly market also results in a decline
in the effi ciency with which it allocates and
distributes goods.
4. First, the monopoly market allows resources to
be used in ways that will produce shortages of
those things buyers want and cause them to be
sold at higher prices than necessary.
5. Second, monopoly markets do not encourage
suppliers to use resources in ways that will
minimize the resources consumed to produce a
certain amount of a commodity.
6. Third, a monopoly market allows the seller to
introduce price differentials that block con-
sumers from putting together the most satisfy-
ing bundle of commodities they can purchase
given the commodities available and the
money they can spend.
7. Monopoly markets also embody restrictions on
the negative rights that perfectly free markets
respect.
8. A monopoly market, then, is one that deviates
from the ideals of capitalist justice, economic
utility, and negative rights.
The italicized transitional phrases steer us from one idea
to the next. Normally, we wouldn’t even notice them. The
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Be a stickler for continuity
73
transitions in really good writing are almost subliminal—
but they’re carefully placed where readers will need
them. These connections take readers forward in differ-
ent ways. They can:
• Establish a time sequence: then, at that point,
afterward, as soon as, at last, before, after, fi rst,
initially, meanwhile, later, next, now, once, origi-
nally, since, then, until, fi nally
• Establish place: there, in that place, at the front, in
back, farther back, in the rear, at the center, to the
left (right), up front, way back
• Add a point: and, or, further, also, in fact, more-
over, not only . . . but also
• Underscore a point: above all, after all, and so,
chiefl y, equally important, more so, indeed, more
important
• Concede a point: although, and yet, admittedly,
at the same time, certainly, even though, doubt-
less, granted, no doubt, of course, still, though, to be
sure, whereas, yet, while
• Return to a point: even so, nevertheless, nonethe-
less, still
• Give an example: for example, for instance, in
particular
• Provide a reason: because, hence, thus, for, it fol-
lows, since, so, then, therefore
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Developing Your Skills
74
• Set up a contrast: but, yet, and yet, conversely,
despite, by contrast, instead, on the other hand,
still, then, while
• Set up a conclusion: so, as a result, fi nally, in con-
clusion, in short, in sum, on the whole, therefore,
thus, to sum up
Use subheads as transitions
No matter how smooth your transitions are between sen-
tences and paragraphs, time-pressed readers will zone
out if you place a solid wall of text in front of them. Break
up your documents (even e-mails that are longer than a
paragraph) with some signposts to lead people from sec-
tion to section and help them quickly locate the parts
they’re particularly interested in. A “summary” subhead,
for example, tells readers where to fi nd just the high-
lights. And subheads that concisely yet clearly lay out
your key points allow people to skim and still get the gist
of your message.
Make your subheads as consistent as you can. For in-
stance, if you’re leading a task force that’s recommend-
ing ways to forge direct customer relationships through
social media, you might write each subhead in your body
text as a directive, along these lines:
Use LinkedIn to Get Feedback on Current Products
Use Facebook to Test New Concepts
Use Twitter to Facilitate Chats About Live Events
The parallelism will help your document hang together
both rhetorically and logically.
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Be a stickler for continuity
75
Recap
• Use well-placed transitional phrases to guide the
reader to your next idea and indicate its relation-
ship to what came before.
• Break up documents with concise, descriptive
subheads to increase readability and help readers
quickly locate the information most important
to them.
• Use a “summary” subhead to point your readers to
the document’s highlights.
• Use consistent style and parallel syntax in your
subheads to reinforce the document’s logical and
rhetorical cohesion.
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77
Chapter 14
Learn the basics of
correct grammar
Why nitpick about grammar? Because readers may see
your language—especially your use of your native lan-
guage—as a refl ection of your competence. Make lots of
mistakes and you’ll come across as uneducated and unin-
formed. People will hesitate to trust your recommenda-
tion to launch a resource-intensive project, for example,
or to buy goods or services. They may think you don’t
know what you’re talking about.
Telltale indicators
Consider pronouns. If you don’t know how to handle I
and me, many of your colleagues, partners, and custom-
ers won’t take you seriously. Some errors will predictably
get you in trouble:
• “She placed an order *with Megan and I.” (Correct:
She placed an order with Megan and me.)
• (On the phone:) “*This is him.” (Correct: This is he.)
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Developing Your Skills
78
• “Just keep this matter *between you and I.” (Cor-
rect: Just keep this matter between you and me.)
• “*Whom may I say is calling?” (Correct: Who
may I say is calling?)
The rule, very simply, is that I, we, he, and she are sub-
jects of clauses <Leslie and I were delighted to work with
you>; me, us, him, and her are objects of either verbs
or prepositions <Please call either Leslie or me> <You
might want to consult with Leslie and me>. In the com-
pound phrasings, try leaving out Leslie and—and you’ll
know the correct form immediately.
Besides pronoun problems, here are the main types
of grammatical errors to watch out for. As for dozens of
other wording issues that can torpedo your credibility,
see Appendixes D and F.
Subject–verb disagreement
A verb must agree in person and number with its sub-
ject <I am aware of that> <You are aware of that> <Pat is
aware of that> <We are all aware of that>. But syntax can
make things tricky.
There is poses a problem because There appears to be
the subject. It’s not. It’s what grammarians call an exple-
tive—not a bad-word expletive (as in “expletive deleted”),
but a word that stands in for the subject in an inverted
sentence. In these sentences, there is just means “exists.”
Take, for example, There is a vacancy on the hiring com-
mittee. The uninverted sentence would be A vacancy
(exists) on the hiring committee. Because there seems to
some people to resemble a singular subject, they tend to
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Learn the basics of correct grammar
79
use a singular verb. But there inverts the word order, and
the true subject follows the verb <There are several rea-
sons for approving the plan>. And, of course, when the
subject is plural, a plural verb is needed.
NOT THIS: BUT THIS:
There is always risk and
liability considerations to
take into account.
There are always risk and liabil-
ity considerations to take into
account.
There is many options to
avoid a takeover.
There are many options to avoid a
takeover.
Another troublesome area for subject–verb disagree-
ment involves prepositional phrases that follow the sub-
ject. By “false attraction,” they often mislead writers to
choose the wrong verb (singular for plural or vice versa).
The object of a prepositional phrase is never the subject
of a sentence. It may be nearer the verb, but the number
of the subject controls the number of the verb:
NOT THIS: BUT THIS:
The details of the custom-
ized work is delaying the
project.
The details of the customized
work are delaying the project.
The source of our replace-
ment parts and main-
tenance have not been
selected yet.
The source for our replacement
parts and maintenance supplies
has not been selected yet.
In the fi rst example, work is the object of the preposition
of, so the plural subject details controls the verb. In the
second, source takes the singular has not been selected.
Disagreements can also arise with compound subjects
connected by or, either . . . or, or neither . . . nor. If the sub-
jects are all singular then the verb is singular as well. But
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Developing Your Skills
80
when one or more are plural, the number of the verb must
match the number of the noun that follows the or or nor:
NOT THIS: BUT THIS:
Special services or a new
product target a niche
market.
Special services or a new prod-
uct targets a niche market.
Neither the education fund
nor the training costs is
without budget constraints.
Neither the education fund nor
the training costs are without
budget constraints.
In the fi rst example, the singular subject a new product
after the or mandates a singular verb. In the second ex-
ample, the plural subject after nor makes the verb plural
as well. Notice that it’s more idiomatic to use the singular
subject or plural subject + plural verb form.
Noun–pronoun disagreement
Strictly speaking, a pronoun must have the same gender
and number as the subject.
NOT THIS: BUT THIS:
A shareholder may cast their
vote for only one member of
the board.
A shareholder may cast his or
her vote for only one member of
the board.
Although their is colloquially used as a genderless sin-
gular pronoun, this usage is not yet widely accepted in
formal writing. And unless you know the sex of the sub-
ject, try to avoid using a masculine or feminine pronoun.
If you wish to make a political statement with pronoun
gender (by always choosing the generic feminine, for ex-
ample), do so: Just know that some of your readers may
be distracted by it or may discount your credibility. The
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Learn the basics of correct grammar
81
safest course is to use some ingenuity to write in an invis-
ibly gender-neutral way.
NOT THIS: BUT THIS:
Either the receptionist or
the sales assistant will have
to change their lunch hour
so that at least one will be
in the offi ce at all times.
Either the receptionist or the
sales assistant will have to start
taking lunch earlier or later so
that at least one will be in the
offi ce at all times.
Three candidates responded
to the advertisement for the
fi nancial-offi cer position.
Each submitted their
résumé.
Three candidates responded
to the advertisement for the
fi nancial-offi cer position. Each
submitted a résumé.
But back to grammar. When the subject of a sentence
is a singular pronoun such as either, neither, each, or ev-
ery, other nouns that accompany it have no effect on the
number of the verb:
NOT THIS: BUT THIS:
Have either of our clients
arrived yet?
Has either of our clients ar-
rived yet?
Neither of the new products
have sold spectacularly this
year.
Neither of the new products
has sold spectacularly this
year.
Each of us are responsible
for the tasks assigned.
Each of us is responsible for
the tasks assigned.
Double negatives
A double negative occurs when back-to-back negatives
are meant to intensify, not cancel, each other. It’s easy
to recognize in dialect (for example, we didn’t have no
choice or it didn’t hardly matter), but the problems can
be more subtle in formal writing. Watch for the word not
plus another word with a negative sense.
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Developing Your Skills
82
NOT THIS: BUT THIS:
We couldn’t scarcely manage
to keep up with the demand.
We could scarcely manage to
keep up with the demand.
Another subtle double-negative combination is not
. . . but.
NOT THIS: BUT THIS:
The clerk couldn’t help but call
the manager for advice.
The clerk couldn’t help calling
the manager for advice.
But indicates a negative or contradiction, so not . . . but
may be ambiguous. The fi rst sentence could mean the
clerk had some other option. The second sentence clearly
states there was no alternative.
Nonstandard vocabulary
In business writing, always use standard English—unless
you’re writing specifi cally for a niche audience of non-
standard speakers. Broadly speaking, standard English
is characterized by attention to accepted conventions for
grammar, vocabulary, spelling, and punctuation.
You needn’t always be strictly formal—in appropriate
situations, use less formal English. But your prose and
speech must always be professional and respectful.
Dialect is always nonstandard. Avoid using it in
business:
NOT THIS: BUT THIS:
Where’s the meeting at? Where’s the meeting?
Me and Kim will handle the
Brewster account.
Kim and I will handle the Brews-
ter account.
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Learn the basics of correct grammar
83
Nonstandard language may also creep in when writers
rely on the spoken sounds of words:
NOT THIS: BUT THIS:
They shouldn’t of submitted
those incomplete reports.
They shouldn’t have submitted
those incomplete reports.
Irregular verbs are also fertile ground for nonstandard
language.
NOT THIS: BUT THIS:
We drug our heels getting
into the mid-Atlantic market.
We dragged our heels getting
into the mid-Atlantic market.
Our late entry almost sunk
our chances against
established competitors.
Our late entry almost sank our
chances against established
competitors.
How to correct yourself
Here are three good ways to brush up: (1) Read fi rst-rate
nonfi ction; (2) have knowledgeable colleagues proof your
material and explain their corrections; and (3) browse
through guides on grammar and usage, consulting them
whenever questions arise.
This last method will help you distinguish between the
real rules and the artifi cial ones that plague so much writ-
ing. For example, were you told in school never to begin
a sentence with a conjunction? So was I. But look at all
the ands and buts that begin sentences in fi rst-rate prose.
They’re everywhere. These words, as sentence-starters,
keep readers going smoothly with the train of thought.
They don’t break any real rules—and they never have.
Grammatically, there’s nothing wrong with using
additionally and however as sentence-starters. But
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Developing Your Skills
84
stylistically, they’re inferior. The multisyllable connectors
don’t join as cleanly and as tightly as monosyllables do.
Do you worry that your readers will think a sentence-
starting conjunction is wrong? They won’t even notice it,
just as you never do. Good style gets readers focused on
your clear, concise message. Bad style, by contrast, draws
attention to itself.
For a handy collection of grammar guidelines, see Ap-
pendix B, “A Dozen Grammatical Rules You Absolutely
Need to Know.” And be sure to spend some quality time
with Appendix F, “A Primer of Good Usage.” Fall in love
with the language, and it will love you back.
Recap
• When considering verb number, watch for com-
pound subjects, inverted syntax, and prepositional
phrases that follow the subject.
• Never mistake the object of a preposition for the
subject of a sentence.
• Avoid using they/them/their as genderless singular
pronouns in formal writing.
• Avoid double negatives.
• Follow the conventions of standard English.
• Improve your grasp of standard English by read-
ing quality nonfi ction, having colleagues review
your writing, and referring to grammar and usage
guides when you have questions.
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85
Chapter 15
Get feedback
on your drafts
from colleagues
Say you’ve drafted a budget request. Ask people on your
team to read it and make sure you’ve explained clearly,
concisely, and persuasively why you should receive the
funding, for example, to hire two more staff members.
And if possible, get constructive feedback from an objec-
tive peer in a different department—preferably someone
who is good at lobbying for resources.
Pay attention to what your colleagues say: Their re-
actions will probably be quite close to those of your in-
tended readers.
Accept suggestions graciously
A good writer welcomes good edits—yearns for them, in
fact. A bad writer resents them, seeing them only as per-
sonal attacks. A good writer has many ideas and tends
to value them cheaply. A bad writer has few ideas and
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Developing Your Skills
86
values them too dearly. So share your material while it’s
still rough—the feedback will help you make it shipshape
much faster than if you were toiling in isolation.
Try to avoid having your colleagues explain their edits
in person. You may get defensive and have a hard time
recognizing good advice. Invite them to mark up your
document, and thank them for their help.
If you have the people you supervise tightening and
brightening your prose regularly, you’ll benefi t in two
ways: Your documents will be more polished, and the
people you manage will, with practice, become better ed-
itors and writers. Give them direction, though: Ask them
to look not just for outright errors but also for passages
that are verbose, unclear, or awkwardly expressed. Ide-
ally, you’ll get to the point where you’re accepting 80 per-
cent of their suggestions.
Create a culture where editing fl ourishes
At my company, everyone who edits or proofreads must
suggest at least two changes per page. No one is allowed
to hand something back—even a short letter—and say,
“It looks good to me!” People can always make improve-
ments by asking, “What did the writer not say that should
have been said? How could the tone be improved? Isn’t
there a better, shorter way of phrasing one of the ideas?”
And so on.
If each reader suggests at least two edits per page, your
typos will get caught—believe me. Typos are generally the
easiest things to catch, so readers will usually mark those
before trying the more diffi cult task of suggesting stylis-
tic improvements. In the end, awkwardness will disap-
pear. You and your team will look better because you’ll
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Get feedback on your drafts from colleagues
87
perform better. You’ll make stronger, clearer arguments.
You’ll put together more persuasive pitches.
Does this seem like overkill? Consider that every com-
munication you send is a commentary on your team or
company and its level of professionalism. If it’s a printed
brochure or a commercial e-mail with wide distribution,
the more feedback the better. You simply cannot have too
many sets of knowledgeable eyes review the copy.
A dumb mistake can be disastrous—as a major univer-
sity discovered after printing thousands of commence-
ment brochures with “School of Pubic Affairs” in large
type on the front cover. A photo of this embarrassing gaffe
almost instantly popped up on the Internet, of course,
and the university became the target of many jokes.
When it comes to writing, you want a culture of un-
neurotic helpfulness. There’s no shame in needing edits
from others. People should freely seek them and freely
give them—without any unpleasant overtones of one-
upmanship. Everyone in an organization, regardless of
rank, can benefi t from good editing.
Recap
• Routinely ask your colleagues and those you su-
pervise to read your drafts and suggest edits.
• Have them mark up the document and submit
their edits in writing, rather than explaining them
in person, to avoid reacting defensively. Always
thank them for their help.
• Foster an environment where edits are freely
sought and offered—without overtones of petty
one-upmanship.
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Section 3
Avoiding
the Quirks
That Turn
Readers Off
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91
Chapter 16
Don’t anesthetize
your readers
It seems obvious that you shouldn’t put your audience
to sleep, doesn’t it? It should also be obvious to people
who talk in circles at dinner parties or deliver dull lec-
tures, but consider how many boring speakers you’ve had
to listen to. It doesn’t have to be that way—whether in
conversation or in writing.
Ponder the best conversationalists and the best lec-
turers you’ve ever heard. No matter how obscure the topic,
they make it fascinating through their technique. They
avoid trite expressions. They use strong, simple words.
Think of Winston Churchill’s famous phrase “blood, toil,
tears, and sweat.” And remember what George Wash-
ington reputedly said when questioned about the fallen
cherry tree: not “It was accomplished by utilizing a small
sharp-edged implement,” but “I used my little hatchet.”
Effective writers use the same techniques. Why do you
read some books all the way through but set others aside?
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Avoiding the Quirks That Turn Readers Off
92
It’s their style: the way they explain things, the way they
tell the story.
Here are several tips for writing business documents
that hold readers’ attention.
Use personal pronouns skillfully
Don’t overuse I (try not to begin paragraphs or successive
sentences with it), but do lean heavily on we, our, you,
and your. Those are personal, friendly words that add
human interest and pull readers into a document. Rudolf
Flesch, a leading fi gure in plain-English circles and the
author of How to Be Brief, was one of the fi rst to explain
the need for you:
Keep a running conversation with your reader. Use the
second-person pronoun whenever you can. Translate
everything into you language. This applies to citizens
over 65 = if you’re over 65, this applies to you. It must
be remembered that = you must remember. Many
people don’t realize = perhaps you don’t realize. Always
write directly to you, the person you’re trying to reach
with your message.
Likewise, the words we and our—in reference to your
fi rm or company—make corporations and other legal
entities sound as if they have collective personalities (as
they should and typically do). People usually appreciate
this down-to-earth approach over the sterile, distanc-
ing effect of third-person prose. Compare the following
examples:
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Don’t anesthetize your readers
93
NOT THIS: BUT THIS:
Whether or not a stockholder
plans to attend a meeting, he
or she should take the time to
vote by completing and mailing
the enclosed proxy card to the
Company. If a stockholder signs,
dates, and mails a proxy card
without indicating how he or she
wants to vote, that stock holder’s
proxy will be counted as a vote
in favor of the merger. If a stock-
holder fails to return a proxy
card, the eff ect in most cases will
be a vote against the merger.
Whether or not you plan to
attend a meeting, please
take the time to vote by
completing and mailing the
enclosed proxy card to us.
If you sign, date, and mail
your proxy card without
indicating how you want to
vote, your proxy will count
as a vote in favor of the
merger. If you don’t return
your card, in most cases
you’ll be counted as voting
against the merger.
Use contractions
Many writers have a morbid fear of contractions, having
been taught in school to avoid them. But you won’t be
breaking any real rules if you use them—and they coun-
teract stuffi ness, a major cause of poor writing.
This doesn’t mean that you should become breezy or
use much slang—just that it’s good to be relaxed. If you
would say something as a contraction, then write it that
way. If you wouldn’t, then don’t.
NOT THIS: BUT THIS:
For those customers who do
not participate in West Bank’s
online banking program, and do
not wish to consider doing so,
West Bank will continue sending
them statements by U.S. Mail.
If you prefer not to use our
online banking program,
we’ll continue mailing your
statements to you.
We would like to remind you
that it is not necessary to be
present to win. We will inform
all winners by telephone subse-
quent to the drawing.
Remember: You needn’t be
present to win the drawing.
We’ll call you if you win.
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Avoiding the Quirks That Turn Readers Off
94
Stick to simple language
I know I repeat this again and again—but it bears repeat-
ing. Readers who can’t follow you will stop trying.
Avoid passive voice
Don’t say “The closing documents were prepared by Sue,”
but instead “Sue prepared the closing documents”; not
“The message was sent by George,” but either “George
sent the message” or “The message came from George.”
This guideline is hardly absolute—sometimes passive
voice is the most natural way to say what you’re saying.
Sometimes it can’t be avoided. (See?) But if you develop
a strong habit of using active voice, you’ll largely pre-
vent convoluted, backward-sounding sentences in your
writing.
How do you identify passive voice? Remember that
it’s invariably a be-verb (typically is, are, was, were) or
get, plus a past-tense verb. There are eight be-verbs and
countless past participles.
Examples of Passive Voice
is + delivered
are + fi nished
was + awarded
were + praised
been + adjusted
being + fl own
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Don’t anesthetize your readers
95
be + served
am + relieved
got + promoted
You will improve your writing if you minimize passive
voice. (Not: Your writing will be improved if passive voice
is minimized by you.)
Vary the length and structure of your
sentences
Monotony, as Cicero once said, is in all things the mother
of boredom. It’s true of syntax no less than it’s true of eat-
ing or anything else. Sameness cloys. So you want short
sentences and long; main clauses and subordinate ones.
You want variety.
NOT THIS: BUT THIS:
Over a signifi cant period
of time, we have gained
experience helping our
clients improve operational
performance and maximize
both the effi ciency of their
human resources and the
economical utilization of their
capital. Ours is an integrated
approach that both diagnoses
and streamlines operating
practices and procedures
using lean maintenance and
optimization tools, while at
the same time implementing
change-management tech-
niques involving mind-sets
and behaviors of those in-
volved in managerial positions
within a given organization.
For many years, we have
helped clients better use their
resources and improve per-
formance. How? By streamlin-
ing operations and changing
managers’ mind-sets and
behaviors.
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Avoiding the Quirks That Turn Readers Off
96
NOT THIS: BUT THIS:
In order to provide you, the
user of our products, the op-
tion of obtaining free replace-
ments for defective products
from the nearest offi ce, we
off er a simplifi ed processing
without acknowledgment of
the statutory duty (“goodwill”)
regardless of whether the
product has been purchased
there or has reached the user
by another route.
What should you do if you
need a free replacement for a
defective product? Go to the
nearest offi ce. Any of our of-
fi ces can help even if you did
not purchase the item there.
Avoid alphabet soup
Readers fi nd acronyms tiresome, especially ones they’re
not familiar with. So use them judiciously. It might be
convenient to refer to COGS instead of spelling out “cost
of goods sold.” If you also throw in acronyms such as ABC
(“activity-based costing”), EBITDA (“earnings before in-
terest, tax, depreciation, and amortization”), and VBM
(“value-based management”), the accountants in your
audience will follow you—but you’ll lose everyone else.
Small wonder, too. People don’t want to master your ar-
cane vocabulary to get what you’re saying.
Surely you’ve had this experience as a reader: You
encounter an acronym (a long one if you’re particularly
unlucky) and can’t connect it with anything you’ve read
in the article or document so far. You fi nd yourself scan-
ning backward through the text, hoping to fi nd the fi rst
appearance of that acronym or words that might fi t it.
By the time you fi nd it (or give up trying), you’ve com-
pletely lost the writer’s train of thought. Never put your
own readers through that.
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Don’t anesthetize your readers
97
Stick to words when you can. Acronyms make writing
easier but reading harder. Your shortcut is the reader’s
hindrance.
Recap
• Don’t overuse I. Use we, our, you, and your instead
to add a personal touch and appeal to your reader.
• Avoid stuffi ness by overcoming any fear you might
have of contractions.
• For clearer, more straightforward writing, prefer
active voice—unless the passive in a particular
context sounds more natural.
• Vary the length and structure of your sentences.
• Make the reader’s job easier by avoiding acronyms
when you can.
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99
Chapter 17
Watch your tone
Striking the right tone takes work—but it’s critical to the
success of your business documents. If you sound likable
and professional, people will want to work with you and
respond to you. So adopt a relaxed tone, as if speaking
directly to the recipient of your document.
Avoid hyperformality
What do you think of colleagues who say or write “How
may I be of assistance?” instead of “How may I help
you?” Or “subsequent to our conversation” instead of “af-
ter we spoke”? When they choose overblown words over
everyday equivalents, don’t they strike you as pompous?
Too much formality will spoil your style. Keep your
writing down to earth and achieve a personal touch by:
• Writing your message more or less as you’d say it,
but without all the casualisms (likes and you knows).
• Including courtesies such as thank you, we’re
happy to, and we appreciate.
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Avoiding the Quirks That Turn Readers Off
100
• Using the names of the people you’re writing about
(David Green, not the above-mentioned patient).
• Using personal pronouns (you, he, she—not the
reader, the decedent, the applicant; we under-
stand—not it is understood; we recommend—not
it is recommended by the undersigned).
Be collegial
You’ll have better luck delivering most kinds of mes-
sages, even tough ones, if you approach people colle-
gially. Imagine that everything you write will be paraded
before a jury in a contentious lawsuit. You’ll want that
jury to think you’ve behaved admirably. Of course, some-
times you’ll need to take an aggressive stance—for ex-
ample, when you’re at the last stage before litigation. But
do this only as a last resort, and preferably on advice of
counsel.
Be yourself. Just be your most careful, circumspect self.
People have gotten their companies into terrible trou-
ble—and have lost their jobs—by writing ill- considered
letters, memos, and e-mails. So always summon your
best judgment.
Even if you’re collegial and fairly relaxed, your lan-
guage will vary somewhat depending on your relation-
ship with the recipient. You’ll be okay if you ask yourself,
“How would I say this to so-and-so if he were right here
with me?” You don’t want a distant tone with your clos-
est colleagues, and you don’t want a chummy tone with
someone you don’t know all that well.
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Watch your tone
101
Never try to make your readers admit that they’re in
the wrong. It’s unwise to say that they labor under a de-
lusion, or claim to understand, or fail to understand, or
complain, or erroneously assert, or distort. These expres-
sions, and others like them, breed ill will. Instead, treat
your readers with integrity and fairness—and show your
willingness to meet them halfway.
Drop the sarcasm
Sarcasm expresses contempt and superiority. It doesn’t
shame people into compliance. Rather, it’s a surefi re way
of irritating and alienating them. Compare:
NOT THIS: BUT THIS:
Given that Monday was a
bank holiday, as declared
by federal statute no less,
your e-mail of the 17th
of the present month did
not come to my attention
until yesterday. It is with no
small degree of regret that
we note that you deemed
it necessary to send a
follow- up e-mail to us
regarding this matter, since
we are desirous of estab-
lishing a relationship of
mutual trust and respect.
Because Monday was a bank
holiday, I didn’t receive your
e-mail message of the 17th
until yesterday. Naturally I was
chagrined that you had to write
a second time. But of course I
want you to call on me when-
ever I might help.
In the left-hand column, note the deadly combination
of hyperformality and sarcasm, and the annoying sub-
text: “You wrote on a holiday, you DOPE. Of course you
had to wait for a response.” The chance of “establishing
a relationship of mutual trust and respect” is very likely
diminished.
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Avoiding the Quirks That Turn Readers Off
102
Recap
• Arrive at a relaxed but professional tone by writing
your message as if you were speaking to the recipi-
ent in person.
• Refer to people by name, use personal pronouns
as you naturally would, and shun fancy substitutes
for everyday words.
• Always use your best judgment and a collegial tone
in composing your messages, even if the content
isn’t positive. You’ll get better responses from your
recipients and keep yourself—and your company—
out of trouble.
• Adopt a tone appropriate to your relationship with
the recipient.
• Never use sarcasm in professional messages. It
will result in a step away from—not toward—your
desired outcome.
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Section 4
Common Forms
of Business
Writing
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105
Chapter 18
E-mails
When you send e-mails, do you usually receive a useful,
friendly, timely response? Or one that falls short of that
ideal? Or no response at all? If you’re struggling to get
your recipients to focus on your messages, it’s because
you’re competing with a lot of senders—in some cases,
hundreds per day.
Here’s how to write e-mails that people will actually
read, answer, and act on:
• Get straight to the point—politely, of course—in
your fi rst few sentences. Be direct when making
a request. Don’t fulsomely butter up the recipi-
ent fi rst—although a brief compliment may help
(“Great interview. Thanks for sending it. May I ask
a favor?”). Spell out deadlines and other details the
recipient will need to get the job done right and
on time.
• Copy people judiciously. Include only those who
will immediately grasp why they’re on the thread.
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Common Forms of Business Writing
106
And avoid “Reply All.” Your correspondent may
have been overinclusive with the “Copy” list, and if
you repeat that mistake, you’ll continue to annoy
the recipients who shouldn’t be there.
• Keep your message brief. People fi nd long e-mails
irksome and energy-sapping. The more they have
to scroll or swipe, the less receptive they’ll be to
your message. They’ll probably just skim it and
miss important details. Many people immediately
close long e-mails to read the shorter ones. So
rarely compose more than a single screen of read-
ing. Focus your content and tighten your language.
• Write a short but informative subject line. With a
generic—or blank—subject line, your message will
get buried in your recipient’s overstuffed inbox.
(Not “Program,” but “The Nov. 15 Leadership
Program.”) If you’re asking someone to take action,
highlight that in the subject line. By making your
request easy to fi nd, you’ll improve your chances of
getting it fulfi lled.
• Stick to standard capitalization and punctuation.
Good writing conventions may seem like a waste
of time for e-mail, especially when you’re tapping
out messages on a handheld device. But it’s a mat-
ter of getting things right—the little things. Even
if people in your group don’t capitalize or punctu-
ate in their messages, stand out as someone who
does. Rushed e-mails that violate the basic norms
of written language bespeak carelessness. And
their abbreviated style can be confusing. It takes
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E-mails
107
less time to write a clear message the fi rst time
around than it does to follow up to explain what
you meant to say.
• Use a signature that displays your title and contact
information. It should look professional (not too
long or ornate) and make it convenient for others
to choose how to reach you.
These tips are pretty commonsensical—but they’re not
common practice. To show you how well they work, let’s
compare some sample e-mails.
Say you’re trying to help a young friend of yours, a
budding journalist, land an internship. You happen to
know the editor of a metropolitan newspaper, and you
send him a message. Consider these two approaches:
NOT THIS:
Subject: Hello there!
Hal—
It’s been ages, I know, but I’ve been meaning to tell you
just how eff ective I think you’ve been as the editor of the Daily
Metropolitan these past seven years. Although I canceled my
subscription a few years back (LOL)—the papers kept cluttering
the driveway—I buy a copy at the coff ee shop almost every day,
and I always tell people there just how good the paper is. Who
knows, I may have won you some subscribers with all my gush-
ing praise! Believe me, I’m always touting the good old DM.
Anyhoo, I have a mentee I’d like you to meet. You’ll soon be
thanking me for introducing you to her. She would like an intern-
ship, and I know she’ll be the best intern you’ve ever had. Her
name is Glenda Jones, and she is A-1 in every way. May I tell her
you will contact her? (With good news, I hope!) It can be unpaid.
I know your paper has fallen on tough times—but she wants to
get into the business anyway! Silly girl. Ah, well, what can you
do when journalism seems like it’s just in the blood?
Expectantly yours,
Myra
P.S. You’ll thank me for this!
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Common Forms of Business Writing
108
BUT THIS:
Subject: Request for an Interview
Hal—
May I ask a favor of you? Glenda Jones, a really sharp mentee
in the township’s Young Leaders program, wants to pursue a
career in journalism, and she’s eager to learn how commercial
news organizations work. Would you spend 15 minutes chat-
ting with her at your offi ce sometime this month, before school
lets out? I know it would be a meaningful introduction for her.
You’ll fi nd that she is a poised, mature, smart, and incredibly
self-possessed young woman.
She tells me that she’s looking for an unpaid internship.
After a brief interview, perhaps you’d consider giving her a
one-week tryout as your assistant. I know you’ve been a mentor
to many aspiring journalists over the years, but here you have a
real standout: editor of her college newspaper, Phi Beta Kappa
member, state debate champion.
No pressure here. If it’s a bad summer for you to take on an
intern, I’ll completely understand. But please meet with her if
you can. I’ve asked her to write to you independently, enclosing
her résumé, to give you a sense of her writing skills.
Thanks very much. Hope you and your family are doing well.
Myra
The fi rst version is colossally ineffective—and if Glenda
gets an internship it will be very much despite the mes-
sage from her mentor. The writer is inconsiderate (sug-
gesting that journalism is a thankless career), insensitive
(confessing to having canceled her subscription), and
horribly presumptuous (acting as if the recipient owes
her for “always touting” the newspaper and for suggest-
ing this “A-1” intern—as well as assuming that Glenda
must get the job).
The second version is effective because it’s humble,
you-centered, considerate (“No pressure here”), and
mildly fl attering (“I know you’ve been a mentor to many”).
Though it’s a little longer than the fi rst one, it gets to the
point sooner, and it provides only helpful information. If
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E-mails
109
Glenda has any real potential, she stands a decent chance
of getting that interview and possibly landing an intern-
ship with this version.
You may occasionally need to reprimand someone in
an e-mail—to clearly explain a misstep, to make a record
of it, or both. Compare these two examples, which show
the right and wrong way to deal with an employee who
sent an offensive e-mail to the whole team:
NOT THIS:
Subject: You Are in Trouble
Ted—
What on earth were you thinking when you sent that “joke”?
Your coworkers sure didn’t appreciate it one bit, and neither
did I. Don’t tell me it was “just a joke.” Haven’t you cracked your
employee handbook and read our company’s policies? You’ve
never done this before, that I am aware of. Don’t ever send an
e-mail like this one again.
Bill Morton
Offi ce Manager
BUT THIS:
Subject: Disruption Caused by Your E-mail
Ted—
What one person considers funny, another may fi nd off ensive
and insulting. Several people have complained to me about the
e-mail headed “Have You Heard This One” that you sent every-
one yesterday. I was as upset as they were by the foul language,
which is inappropriate for an e-mail sent at work. Our compa-
ny’s policy does not make an exception for off ensive language,
even when used in jest. Please think about how future e-mails
will aff ect your coworkers. If I receive complaints again, HR will
have to get involved. But I trust that won’t be necessary.
Bill
In the fi rst version, the writer’s anger is clear—and that’s
about all that’s clear. Ted will certainly feel stupid (“What
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Common Forms of Business Writing
110
on earth were you thinking” and “Haven’t you cracked
your employee handbook”) and scared (“Don’t ever”). But
the writer doesn’t detail what Ted did wrong and why.
And Ted isn’t likely to ask (“Don’t tell me it was ‘just a
joke’”).
The tone of the second version won’t immediately put
the recipient on the defensive. This time, the writer ex-
plicitly identifi es the source of the problem (“the e-mail
headed ‘Have You Heard This One’ that you sent every-
one yesterday”) and explains the effects, the policy vio-
lated, and the consequences. Ted is much more likely to
understand his mistake.
Recap
• Be as direct as possible while maintaining a polite
tone. Come to the point of your e-mail within the
fi rst two or three sentences.
• Never click “Reply All” without fi rst checking the
recipient list. Send your e-mail only to people who
need to know its contents.
• Keep e-mails brief. Restrict yourself to one screen’s
worth of text and keep the message tight and fo-
cused so your readers get the point fast.
• Write a concise subject line that tells your re-
cipients why you’re writing and what it means to
them. If they need to act on your message, make
that clear in the subject line.
• Diligently adhere to standard writing conven-
tions—even when typing with your thumbs on a
handheld device.
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111
Chapter 19
Business Letters
Business letters aren’t a quaint thing of the past. They’re
necessary in all sorts of situations—from correcting a
vendor’s error to recommending a job candidate to an-
nouncing a new service. Effective ones can increase your
profi tability—by getting key customers to renew large
orders, for example, or persuading service providers to
charge you less for repeat business. They can also create
goodwill, which may eventually yield fi nancial returns.
The pointers in this chapter will help you get those
kinds of results.
Use direct, personal language
You see canned phrases like enclosed please fi nd and as
per all the time in letters. They’re high-sounding but low-
performing. Your letters will be much clearer and more
engaging without them.
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Common Forms of Business Writing
112
TIPS FOR WRITING CLEAR, PERSUASIVE LETTERS
• Focus on the reader. Try not to begin with the
word I; make it you, if possible (“You were so
kind to . . . ,” “You might be interested . . . ,”
etc.). Keep your recipient in the forefront
because—let’s face it—that’s what will hold the
reader’s interest. Not: “I just thought I’d drop
you a note to say that I really enjoyed my time
as your guest last week.” But instead: “What a
wonderful host you were last week.”
• Say something that matters. Make your mes-
sage pointed but substantive—not just airy fi ller.
Not: “I trust this fi nds you prospering in busi-
ness, thriving in your personal life, and continu-
ing to seek the wisdom that will bring lasting
satisfaction in all your dealings.” But instead:
“I hope you and your family and friends all
dodged the fi res last week in Maniton Springs—
which sounded devastating.”
• Avoid hedging and equivocating. Not: “It is
with regret that we acknowledge that we do not
appear at this time to be in a position to extend
an off er of employment.” But instead: “We’re
sorry to say that we aren’t now hiring.”
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Business Letters
113
NOT THIS: BUT THIS:
Enclosed please fi nd . . . Here are . . .; Enclosed are . . .
As per your request . . . As you requested . . .
We are in receipt of . . . We’ve received . . .
We shall advise you . . . We’ll let you know . . .
As per your letter . . . As your letter notes . . .
We have your order and will
transmit same . . .
We’ll forward your order
promptly . . .
We take pleasure . . . We’re glad . . .
Due to the fact that . . . Because . . .
At an early date . . . Soon . . .
In respect of the matter of . . . Regarding . . .
People often overwrite their letters—studding their
language with stiff, wordy expressions—when they’re un-
comfortable with the message. Consider the difference
between the two examples that follow. The fi rst letter is a
greeting to customers from a hotel manager; the second
is my revision.
NOT THIS:
Dear Valued Guest:
Welcome to the Milford Hotel Santa Clara. We are delighted
that you have selected our hotel during the time when you will
be here in the Silicon Valley area. Our staff is ready to assist you
in any way and ensure that your stay here is an enjoyable and
excellent one in every way.
During your time here at the Milford Hotel Santa Clara, we
would like to inform you that the hotel is installing new toilet
facilities in all guest rooms. This project will begin on Tuesday,
May 8 until Tuesday, May 29. The project engineers will begin
at 9:00 a.m. and conclude for the day at 5:30 p.m. The team
of associates will begin work on the 14th fl oor and will work in
descending order until completion. During these hours, you
may see the new or old toilets in the guest room corridors dur-
ing the exchange process, and we will ensure that a high level
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Common Forms of Business Writing
114
of cleanliness standards will be upheld. We think you’ll soon
appreciate fresh toilet seats. Should you be in your guest room
during the toilet exchange and/or wish not to be disturbed, we
recommend that you please utilize your Do Not Disturb sign by
placing it on the handle of your guest room door.
The vending area should remain sanitary, so feel free to have
a candy bar or beverage of your preference. For your conve-
nience, there are safes located in the bottom nightstand drawer
in your guest room to safely store your valuables. There may
also be available to you utilization of our safe deposit boxes
located at the Front Desk.
We appreciate your cooperation and understanding while
we continue to improve the delivery system and appearance of
our guest room product. Our goal is to minimize any inconve-
nience related to the toilet-exchange project. Please contact our
Manager on Duty should you have any questions or concerns.
Once again, please be assured of our utmost devotion to the
total quality of your stay within the confi nes of the Milford Hotel
Santa Clara. On behalf of myself and all the other management
personnel and staff of employees here, we wish to reiterate our
thanks for your selection and confi dence that each and every
factor of your stay here will be more than satisfactory.
Sincerely,
[386 words]
BUT THIS:
Dear Valued Guest:
Welcome to the Milford Hotel Santa Clara. We’re delighted
you’re staying here, and we’re ready to help make your stay both
enjoyable and productive.
This month, we’re renovating the bathrooms, starting with
the 14th fl oor and working our way down. Although you may
have occasion to see or hear workers (during the day), we’re
striving to minimize disruptions.
Always feel free to use your “Do Not Disturb” sign while you’re
in your room to ensure that our staff will respect your privacy.
And if the renovations ever become a nuisance, please call me
(extension 4505): I’ll see what I can do. The renovations are but
one example of our commitment to providing fi rst-rate lodging.
Thank you again for joining us.
Sincerely,
[125 words]
The original is verbose (guest room product), perversely
repetitious (the word toilet appears fi ve times), hyper-
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Business Letters
115
bolic (excellent . . . in every way), bureaucratic-sounding
(there may also be available to you utilization), unpleas-
antly vivid (you may see the new or old toilets), and even
gross (have a candy bar right after you may see the new
or old toilets). It seems destined to arouse ill-feeling and
to drive away customers who bother to read it. The re-
vised version, by contrast, conveys warmth and consider-
ation with its “you” focus.
Start fast, and say what you need to say in the sim-
plest way you can. Think of Olympic diving: neatly in, no
splash, soon out. And if you’re writing on behalf of your
fi rm, use we. It’s much warmer and friendlier than the
passive voice (It has been decided vs. We have decided) or
the impersonal third person (this organization vs. we).
Consider the difference:
NOT THIS: BUT THIS:
The Mercantile Association
of Greater Gotham is delighted
to count you among its newest
members. The Mercantile As-
sociation will provide not only
networking opportunities but
also advantageous insurance
rates, concierge services,
and Internet advertising to its
members. If you ever confront
business issues with which
the Mercantile Association
might be able to devote its
resources, it stands ready to
be of assistance.
Here at the Mercantile As-
sociation of Greater Gotham,
we’re delighted to count you
among our newest members.
We provide not only network-
ing opportunities but also
advantageous insurance
rates, concierge services, and
Internet advertising. If you
ever confront business issues
we can help with, we’ll do
whatever we can. Just let us
know.
In the left-hand example, passive voice (is delighted)
and repetition of the organization’s name (it appears
in every sentence) put distance between the writer and
the reader. They make the communication sound like a
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Common Forms of Business Writing
116
commercial or promotion. But the yous and wes in the
version on the right create a sense of belonging, a personal
connection.
Motivate readers to act
Business letters get results when they meet readers’
needs. To get people to do something, give them reasons
they’ll care about.
Consider one of the most challenging kinds of letters
to write: a fund-raising appeal for a nonprofi t group. The
key is to understand why people give money to charitable
organizations. Although marketers often cite seven “fun-
damental motivators” to explain responses—fear, guilt,
exclusivity, greed, anger, salvation, and fl attery—the re-
ality is a bit more nuanced. Some combination of eight
major reasons might motivate donors to send money in
response to your appeal:
• They believe their gifts will make a difference.
• They believe in the value of organizations like
yours.
• They will receive favorable recognition for the gift.
• They will be associated with a famous or respected
person.
• They will enhance their sense of belonging to a
worthy group.
• They will be able to relieve emotional burdens
such as fear and guilt.
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Business Letters
117
• They feel a sense of duty.
• They will receive tax benefi ts.
Certain principles follow from these reasons for giving.
A successful fund-raising letter must (1) appeal directly
from one person to another; (2) depict an opportunity
for the recipient to satisfy personal needs by supporting
a worthwhile aim; and (3) prompt the recipient to take a
specifi c, decisive action. (These principles apply to other
types of business letters as well.)
Note how all this theory plays out in an actual fund-
raising letter:
Dear Marion:
May I count you in as a table sponsor at the Annual
Dinner of the Tascosa Children’s Home of North Texas?
Your sponsorship will pay a month’s room and board for
one of the 50 orphaned teenagers that we care for.
The event will be held at 6:00 p.m. on July 1 at
Snowdon Country Club, and the emcee will be the
nationally syndicated television host Spooner Hudson—
our longtime national spokesperson. Celebrity chef
Margrit Lafl eur promises to serve up one of his memo-
rable dinners, and the wines will be personally selected
by master sommelier Peter Brunswick. Most excitingly,
two mystery guests from Beverly Hills will be there that
evening—among the best-known philanthropists in the
world.
As a table sponsor, you’ll be credited as one of our
Patron Angels—and, believe me, the tangible gratitude
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of our kids will bring you the lasting satisfaction that
you have vastly improved their lives and well-being.
Our kids are reachable and teachable, but only through
the generosity of our community’s philanthropic
leaders.
Many people, of course, can’t help us in our mis-
sion. We count on our Patron Angels. I hope you’ll
spend a few minutes browsing through the Home’s
brochure (enclosed) and that you’ll fi ll out the card
committing to fi ll ten seats at your table (a $1,500
tax-deductible gift).
I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Sincerely,
Now look again at the bulleted list that precedes the
letter to Marion (our fi ctitious recipient): The writer
deals with every item on the list. With a letter like that,
you can hope to elicit prompt action from an acceptable
percentage of recipients.
Ease into bad news
If you have a rejection to deliver in your letter, sandwich
it between happier elements. Don’t start with a direct
“no.” Your readers can bear disappointment more easily
if you begin on a genuine positive note and then explain
the reason for the negative decision. They’ll also be more
likely to grant your wishes—make a purchase, sign up for
your webinar, renew a membership—despite your deny-
ing theirs.
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NOT THIS: BUT THIS:
We regret to inform you
that we cannot supply the
500 copies of Negotiate It
Now! at the 60% discount
that you have requested.
No one—not even one of
our authors, and not even
the biggest bookselling
chains—receives such a hefty
discount. If you would care
to resubmit your order at the
more modest fi gure of 30%,
we will gladly consider the
order at that time. But I can
off er no guarantees.
How rewarding to hear that
you intend to use Negotiate
It Now! as part of your busi-
ness summit. You’ve chosen
the best book on the subject,
and we’d be delighted to sup-
ply it.
Although you’ve requested
a 60% discount off list price,
the most we can off er is 30%.
That’s the largest discount
available to anyone, and we’re
happy to extend it to you with
a purchase of 500 copies.
Recipients of bad news will probably be unhappy no
matter what. But to some extent you can control just how
unhappy they’ll be. Some tips:
• Adopt the reader’s perspective—and be your best
self. If your correspondent is rude, be polite; if
anxious, be sympathetic; if confused, be lucid; if
stubborn, be patient; if helpful, show gratitude;
if accusatory, be reasonable and just in admitting
any faults.
• Answer questions directly.
• Don’t overexplain. Say only as much as necessary
to get your point across.
• Put things in the simplest possible terms—never
use “insider talk” or bizspeak.
• Use the voice of a thoughtful human being, not a
robot.
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Even if your letter grants a benefi t or request, it may
irk the recipient if it does so in a way that puzzles, sounds
grudging, or seems indifferent to the reader’s pre dic -
ament.
NOT THIS: BUT THIS:
Joan—
In response to your
request for a travel subsidy
to the conference where
your award will be given,
Jonathan has reminded me
of our current discretionary-
spending freeze. He has de-
cided, however, to make an
exception in this instance so
long as your fl ight is no more
than $400 and you stick to a
$50 per diem. Please submit
your fully documented ex-
penses upon your return.
Sincerely,
Rebekah
Joan—
Congratulations on your
Spivey Award! We’re delighted
for you. Jonathan hastened to
tell me that despite our current
discretionary-spending freeze,
he wants to support your travel
to accept your award. We can
manage a $400 fl ight reim-
bursement and a $50 per diem
for on-the-ground expenses.
You’ll be a great company rep-
resentative, I know, and I only
wish I could be there myself to
see you honored.
Sincerely,
Rebekah
Brandy—
At this time you have
now used up all your avail-
able sick-leave days and
vacation days for the year. A
sister-in-law does not qualify
for the closeness of relation
required for an employee to
be eligible for compensated
bereavement leave, so you
will be docked for any days
you choose to be absent
next week around the time
of the funeral. I’m afraid that
policy is simply infl exible,
and I checked with Jane to
con fi rmthis.
Sincerely,
Pamela
Brandy—
Once again I want to extend
my condolences for your fam-
ily’s loss. Take the time you
need next week to be with
your family. I’m sorry to report
that the days will be uncom-
pensated, according to our
policies for bereavement leave,
but I hope you’ll call on me if
I can do anything else for you
in this time of need. Jane joins
me in sending our heartfelt
sympathies.
Sincerely,
Pamela
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121
ENCLOSED PLEASE FIND
See what business-writing authors have long said about
this wooden phrase and others like it:
Richard Grant White (1880): “[Please fi nd en-
closed:] A more ridiculous use of words, it seems to
me, there could not be.”
Sherwin Cody (1908): “All stereotyped words [that]
are not used in talking should be avoided in letter
writing. There is an idea that a certain peculiar com-
mercial jargon is appropriate in business letters.
The fact is, nothing injures business more than this
system of words found only in business letters. The
test of a word or phrase or method of expression
should be, ‘Is it what I would say to my customer if I
were talking to him instead of writing to him?’”
Wallace E. Bartholomew & Floyd Hurlbut (1924): 
“Inclosed herewith please fi nd. Inclosed and herewith
mean the same thing. How foolish to tell your reader
twice exactly where the check is, and then to suggest
that he look around to see if he can fi nd it anywhere.
Say, ‘We are inclosing our check for $25.50.’”
A. Charles Babenroth (1942): “Enclosed please fi nd.
Needless and faulty phraseology. The word please
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122
has little meaning in this instance, and the word
fi nd is improperly used. : Enclosed please fi nd
sample of our #1939 black elastic ribbon. :
We are enclosing (or We enclose) a sample of our
#1939 black elastic ribbon.”
L. E. Frailey (1965): “So much for the worn-out,
hackneyed expressions [enclosed herewith, en-
closed please fi nd, herewith please fi nd] so often
seen in business letters—whiskers, rubber-stamps,
chestnuts, call them what you please. They are
sleeping pills [that] defeat the aim of making every
letter a warm, personal contact with the reader.”
Gerald J. Alred, Charles T. Brusaw, & Walter E.
Oliu (1993): “Using unnecessarily formal words
(such as herewith) and outdated phrases (such
as please fi nd enclosed) is another cause of
aff ectation.”
Kelly Cannon (2004): “[I]n any business letter,
certain principles are universal. ‘Inure to the benefi t
of’ is four words too long, ‘enclosed please fi nd’
sounds pompous and silly, and ‘I am writing this
letter to inform you that . . .’ is a thoughtless state-
ment of the obvious.”
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123
Don’t write in anger
Be kind and diplomatic, and say please and thank you.
Courtesy is necessary to all business transactions—even
letters of complaint. Omit it, and you’ll be dismissed as a
crank. You can be courteous while still being direct.
NOT THIS: BUT THIS:
We are astonished at
your complaint. The bro-
chures that we printed were
exactly as you specifi ed. You
okayed the sample paper,
the typesetting, and the
proofreading (we gave you
an extra three hours). You
chose the hot-pink bor-
ders with the fi ne-screen
halftones in the body type
against our advice. You
insisted on drop-shipping by
the 18th, and as you know,
a rushed job does not allow
for fi rst-rate press work.
Moreover, we quoted you
a bargain-basement price.
Under the circumstances we
believe that any unbiased
observer would say that we
performed remarkably well
under the impossible condi-
tions you imposed.
We agree with you that
the brochures did not match
the high standards you have
a right to expect from us. But
we believed, in this instance,
that you considered the color
quality less crucial than a low
price and a quick turnaround.
So we pushed the work through
production in three days’ less
time than we usually require.
We advised against your
using hot-pink borders and
fi ne-screen halftones on the
grade of paper you chose. Still,
we exercised some ingenuity to
achieve better results than are
ordinarily possible. I mention
this not to avoid responsibility
but merely to suggest that we
did the best that could be done
under diffi cult circumstances. If
you’ll allow us a few more days
next time, as you ordinarily do,
the results will be better.
As you can see, a combative, superior tone irritates and
alienates the reader—and probably loses a customer. A
more diplomatic approach still gets the point across (rush
jobs always take a hit on quality), but without souring the
relationship.
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124
When you receive unreasonable letters, don’t ever re-
spond in kind. That just starts a negative chain reaction.
Approach complaints with a dedication to fi rst-rate ser-
vice. Write with the same warmth and friendliness you’d
use in face-to-face conversations. If you or your company
made a mistake, avoid the temptation to ignore it, cover
it up, or shift the blame. Instead of deceiving readers,
you’ll provoke more ire. When you blunder, admit error
and say what you’ve done (or will be doing) to correct it.
Stress the desire to improve service.
Recap
• Keep your language simple, personal, and direct.
Avoid canned phrases that add little but pomposity
and verbiage to your letter.
• Motivate your readers to act on your letter by giv-
ing them reasons that matter to them.
• When conveying bad news, soften the blow by
opening on a positive note. Follow up by explain-
ing the reason for the unfavorable outcome—
without overexplaining.
• Consider the reader: Be polite, sympathetic, and
professional.
• Remain courteous and diplomatic. Accept respon-
sibility for any mistakes you may have made.
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125
Chapter 20
Memos and
Reports
Memos and reports are often used to get people up to
speed on an issue, to induce action, or both. So make it
immediately clear in each element—your title, summary,
body, and conclusion—what you want readers to learn
about or do.
Pick a short, clear title
Whether you’re writing a memo’s subject line or a report
title, choose concise, sure-footed language that says ex-
actly what the document is about.
NOT THIS: BUT THIS:
Subject: Siegelson Subject: Approval of Siegelson
Acquisition
Subject: Settlement Subject: Why We Should Reject Frost’s
Settlement Off er
Subject: Print Run Subject: Ginsburg Autobiography Print
Run
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126
The titles on the left hint at the topics covered but don’t
let readers know what they’re supposed to do with the in-
formation. Those on the right are more pointed (without
being wordy): The fi rst and third titles promise status up-
dates; the second asks readers to follow a recommendation.
Summarize key specifi cs up front
Figure out how many main issues you’re addressing—
preferably no more than three (see chapter 4)—and then
for each one state: (1) the issue in a way that anyone can
understand, (2) your solution, and (3) the reason for your
solution. Here’s an example:
Summary
Issue: Arnold Paper Supply has consistently failed to
meet our deadlines for delivery of multicolor, printed
cardstock.
Proposed Solution: Switch to National Paper and
Plastics Company, which has a higher fi xed fee.
Reason: Though National Paper and Plastics Com-
pany has a higher rate per delivery, its turnaround
is quicker. This will increase effi ciency in the ware-
house, allow us to fi ll more orders, and help us to
establish goodwill with retailers who have been angry
with us for not meeting their deadlines.
By sharing everything important at the beginning of
the document, you’ll end up repeating yourself—but in a
way that’s reinforcing, not redundant. Readers will get a
quick orientation with your very short version up front;
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Memos and Reports
127
the fully elaborated version in the body will unpack each
point, providing details and data for support. I recom-
mend going back and forth between the summary and
the body when writing your fi rst draft: Start by stating
the problem and offering your best shot at the answer in
your summary. As you do more work on the body of the
memo or report, you’ll go back and refi ne the problem
and the answer.
Write your summary for three types of readers:
• A primary audience of one or more executives
interested only in a quick status update, your
fi ndings and conclusions about a problem, or your
recommendations.
• A line of readers who may be called in (with or
without your knowledge) to assess the soundness
of your document, judging its merits according to
their own fact-checking and critical analysis.
• Future readers (including those in the fi rst cat-
egory two years from now) who will be required
to quarry information from your document some
time after you’ve written it. (After all, memos and
reports are rarely acted on quickly: They may be
laid aside for weeks or months or even years before
anyone has the resources—or a mandate—to act.)
All three types of readers have a legitimate claim to
your attention. More important, you need to win them all
over if you want your recommendations to go anywhere.
Even if someone else has assigned you the question
you’re exploring, you must defi ne it in your summary.
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128
WHEN WRITING A REPORT . . .
• Make sure you understand why you’re writing
and what you’re reporting on.
• Do your best, in light of your background knowl-
edge and initial research, to write a summary
that concisely states the problem, your solution,
and why your solution will work or why it’s pref-
erable to alternatives.
• Discern sources of relevant information.
• From those sources, gather all the data and
explanations that you can.
• Synthesize relevant observations and inferences
and throw out the rest.
• Put your fi ndings into report form.
• Revise your summary to match your body text.
You, the writer, are in the best position to limit its scope:
The person who did the assigning may not know enough
about the problem to raise the right question—or to un-
derstand that it actually contains three subquestions.
In fact, you won’t know these things until you do your
research, which may involve digging up data that reveal
where the problem lurks, reading about how other orga-
nizations have tried to solve it, talking with people who
have discovered some helpful workarounds, and so on.
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Memos and Reports
129
You should do enough research to understand the prob-
lem. Then you state the problem so clearly that anyone
could understand why it’s worth solving.
If you’re making a recommendation, say (1) what
needs to be done, (2) who should do it, (3) when and
where it should be done, (4) why it should be done, and
(5) how it should be done.
A brief marketing report might look like this:
Marketing Strategy for Skinny Mini Line of Chocolates
Summary
Issue: Within the last fi scal year, Pantheon Chocolate’s
sales have dropped from $13,320,000 to $10,730,000,
but its market share remains unchanged at 37%.
Proposed Solution: Increase promotion of the Skinny
Mini line of chocolates. These chocolates contain less
sugar and fat than the regular line.
Reason: Health-conscious consumers want low-calorie
options but don’t want to sacrifi ce full fl avor. The Skinny
Mini chocolates have fewer calories than Pantheon’s
regular chocolates but the same fl avor.
Consumers are buying more “healthy alternative”
chocolates
Because consumers increasingly regard sugar and fat as
unhealthy, they are not buying as much high-end gour-
met chocolate as they were a year ago. This has led to
a decline in sales for all high-end chocolate makers, in-
cluding Pantheon. But for candies marketed as “healthy
alternatives” with less sugar and fat and fewer calories,
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130
sales have increased 42% in the same period. Marketing
studies show that consumers of “healthy alternative”
candies are most attracted to low-calorie chocolates
that are packaged in specifi c-calorie portions rather
than by weight.
These consumers also complain that low-calorie
candies lack the rich fl avor that they are used to,
and they are willing to pay more for quality. Pan-
theon already produces a line of low-calorie gourmet
chocolates, Skinny Minis, that have fewer calories than
Pantheon’s regular candies but the same fl avor. They’re
currently sold by the pound or in gift boxes in high-end
chocolate boutiques and as elegantly wrapped bars in
coff ee shops.
Recommendations
• To reach more health-conscious consumers,
Pantheon should package Skinny Mini choco-
lates in a variety of portion-controlled sizes and
make them available in health-food stores and
supermarkets as well as the chocolate and cof-
fee shops.
• The marketing campaign should stress the con-
trolled portion and limited calories of each Skinny
Mini bar or gift box, and the packaging should
boldly display the low calorie count.
Recap
• Choose a concise title or subject line that tells
readers what topics the memo or report covers
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131
and what they should do about it (or why they
should care).
• Begin your document by addressing your main
points and outlining the issue, your solution, and
the reason for it.
• Work from this summary when elaborating the
body of your fi rst draft.
• Modify the summary as you go to ensure that it
accurately refl ects what’s in the body.
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133
Chapter 21
Performance
Appraisals
Writing performance appraisals, sometimes called em-
ployee reviews, needn’t be a dreaded responsibility. As
long as you have gathered your facts in advance—re-
viewed the notes you’ve taken throughout the year, asked
others for feedback on the people you supervise, and
carefully read people’s self-assessments—the drafting
isn’t onerous if you have an ample evaluative vocabu-
lary. I’ve written this chapter so you’ll have some helpful
phrases at the ready.
The sample phrases that follow address seven aspects
of work: attitude, effi ciency, human relations, judgment,
knowledge, reliability, and communication skills. But
you can adapt the wording to suit whatever qualities
you’d like to focus on. Then it’s a matter of pairing the
phrases with specifi cs that support them. For example:
“When we had several layoffs last June, Lauren remained
utterly calm and collected while demonstrating keen sen-
sitivity to those who lost their jobs. She [fi ll in whatever
particular action was noteworthy].”
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Attitude
Superb • shows unwavering commitment
• always gives maximal eff ort
• is always friendly and happy to help
• always brings out the best in others
Good • shows strong commitment
• usually makes a strong eff ort
• is usually friendly and happy to help
• usually brings out the best in others
Acceptable • shows adequate commitment
• makes an eff ort
• is often friendly and happy to help
• is often a positive infl uence on the group
Needs Improvement • could show more commitment
• doesn’t always make an eff ort
• is sometimes quarrelsome
• sometimes creates tension within the group
Poor • lacks commitment
• rarely makes a real eff ort
• is quarrelsome and sometimes even hostile
• often creates tension within the group
Effi ciency
Superb • never wastes time or eff ort
• delegates eff ectively
• always completes tasks on time
• can manage many projects at a time
Good • rarely wastes time or eff ort
• usually delegates appropriately
• almost always completes tasks on time
• can manage several projects at a time
Acceptable • usually doesn’t waste time or eff ort
• delegates pretty well
• usually completes tasks on time
• can manage more than one project at
a time
Needs Improvement • sometimes wastes time and eff ort
• tries to do too much without delegating
• fails to complete tasks on time
• cannot manage more than one project at a
time
Poor • often wastes time and eff ort
• usually fails to delegate when appropriate
• can’t be counted on to complete tasks on time
• struggles to manage even one project at a time
Human relations
Superb • demonstrates keen sensitivity to others and an
uncanny ability to understand their needs
• participates actively and collegially in meetings
• works exceptionally well on teams
• relates to customers extremely well
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Performance Appraisals
135
Good • usually demonstrates sensitivity to others
• participates eff ectively in meetings
• works eff ectively on teams
• relates to customers well
Acceptable • often demonstrates sensitivity to others
• participates adequately in meetings
• gets along with fellow team members
• relates to customers competently
Needs Improvement • does not always pick up on interpersonal cues
• sometimes wastes others’ time in meetings
• is sometimes motivated more by personal goals
than by team goals
• sometimes alienates customers through
inattention
Poor • rarely pays attention to others’ reactions
• often wastes others’ time in meetings
• does not work well on teams
• often alienates customers with impoliteness and
sarcasm
Judgment
Superb • makes excellent choices and informed
decisions
• remains utterly calm and collected even in times
of crisis
• knows precisely which problems need immedi-
ate attention and which ones can wait
• behaves professionally and appropriately in
every situation
Good • makes sound choices and reasonable decisions
• remains relatively calm and collected even in
times of crisis
• generally knows which problems need immedi-
ate attention and which ones can wait
• behaves professionally and appropriately
Acceptable • generally makes sound choices and informed
decisions
• remains mostly calm and collected except in
times of crisis
• does a pretty good job distinguishing between
problems that need immediate attention and
those that can wait
• generally behaves professionally and
appropriately
Needs Improvement • sometimes makes poor choices and ill-informed
decisions
• sometimes lacks the calm and collected de-
meanor required in high-pressure circumstances
• often doesn’t distinguish between problems
that need immediate attention and those that
can wait
• sometimes behaves unprofessionally and
inappropriately
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136
Judgment (continued)
Poor • often makes poor choices and ill-informed
decisions
• often lacks the calm and collected demeanor
required in high-pressure circumstances
• typically fails to distinguish between problems
that need immediate attention and those that
can wait
• often behaves unprofessionally and
inappropriately
Knowledge
Superb • is exceptionally well informed about all aspects
of the job
• demonstrates extraordinarily comprehensive
knowledge
• skillfully handles complex assignments without
supervision
• has a comprehensive knowledge of the industry
Good • is well informed about key aspects of the job
• demonstrates thorough knowledge
• can handle complex assignments with some
supervision
• has strong knowledge of the industry
Acceptable • understands the job
• demonstrates adequate knowledge
• can handle moderately complex assignments
with supervision
• has an acceptable degree of knowledge of the
industry
Needs Improvement • doesn’t fully understand the job
• demonstrates less than satisfactory knowledge
• sometimes mishandles assignments of moder-
ate complexity, even with supervision
• has insuffi cient knowledge of the industry
Poor • is ill-informed about many aspects of the job
• demonstrates inadequate knowledge
• mishandles basic assignments
• has little knowledge of the industry
Reliability
Superb • always meets deadlines
• is unfailingly dependable
• achieves excellent results in urgent situations
• always delivers on promises
Good • meets deadlines
• is highly dependable
• achieves good results in urgent situations
• almost always delivers on promises
Acceptable • meets most deadlines
• is dependable
• achieves acceptable results in urgent situations
• delivers pretty consistently on promises
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137
Needs Improvement • sometimes fails to meet important deadlines
• is sometimes undependable
• sometimes fails to achieve acceptable results in
urgent situations
• sometimes fails to deliver on promises
Poor • often fails to meet important deadlines
• is rarely dependable
• often fails to achieve acceptable results in
urgent situations
• can’t be counted on to deliver on promises
Communication skills
Superb • writes and speaks with remarkable clarity
• never gets bogged down in unnecessary details
• has superior communication skills in person and
over the phone
• develops and delivers imaginative, clear, and
concise presentations
Good • writes and speaks clearly
• rarely gets bogged down in unnecessary details
• has sound communication skills in person and
over the phone
• develops and delivers clear, concise
presentations
Acceptable • generally writes and speaks clearly
• usually avoids getting bogged down in unneces-
sary details
• has adequate communication skills in person
and over the phone
• develops and delivers acceptable presentations
Needs Improvement • sometimes writes and speaks unclearly and with
undue complexity
• sometimes gets bogged down in unnecessary
details
• sometimes struggles to communicate in person
and over the phone
• develops and delivers presentations in need of
further work and polish
Poor • writes and speaks unclearly and with undue
complexity
• gets bogged down in unnecessary details
• fails to communicate eff ectively in person and
over the phone
• develops and delivers presentations that ramble
and lack clarity
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138
Recap
• Prepare by gathering your facts in advance: Keep
performance notes throughout the year and review
them before writing. Ask other colleagues for feed-
back on those you’re evaluating. Carefully review
the employees’ self-assessments.
• Use the sample phrases provided here to help
articulate your impressions.
• Always pair your general statements with specifi c
examples that support them.
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139
Appendix A
A Checklist for
the Four Stages
of Writing
Madman □Consider why you’re writing: What’s
moved you to write? What’s the assign-
ment? What do you hope to achieve?
□Think about who your readers are and
what they need to know.
□Figure out how much time you have,
and work out a rough schedule for
gathering ideas and material, outlining,
preparing a draft, and revising.
□Research with imagination and gusto.
Take notes on relevant information.
□Push yourself to be creative. Don’t be
content with obvious ideas that just
anyone would think of.
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Appendix A
140
Architect □Jot down your three main points in
complete sentences—with as much
specifi city as you can.
□Consider the best order of the
three points and reorganize them if
necessary.
□Decide how to open and conclude the
document.
□Think about what visual aids might be
helpful in conveying your ideas.
Carpenter □If possible, turn away from all distrac-
tions. Silence your phone and your
computer alerts, and fi nd an hour or so
of solitude. You’ll be writing.
□Use your three-point outline as a
guide.
□Start writing paragraphs that sup-
port the point you fi nd easiest to
start with—then move to the other
points.
□Write swiftly without stopping to edit
or polish.
□Try to write a full section in one sitting.
If you must get up in the middle of a
section, start the next sentence with
a few words and then leave. (When
you come back, you’ll fi nd it easier to
resume a half-completed sentence than
to start a new one.)
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A Checklist for the Four Stages of Writing
141
Judge □Immediately after completing your
draft, read it through with the idea of
amplifying ideas here and there.
□Then let it cool off—overnight, if you
can, or for a few minutes if you’re work-
ing under an urgent deadline.
□When you return to your draft, con-
sider it from the audience’s perspective.
Will it be clear to everyone who looks at
it, or does it require inside knowledge?
Is it concise, or does it waste words and
time?
□Identify the draft’s two biggest fl aws
and try to fi x them.
□Ask yourself:
• Is anything essential missing?
• Are important points stressed?
• Is the meaning of each sentence
clear and accurate?
• Are my transitions smooth?
• What can I trim without sacrifi cing
important content?
• Are there any vague passages I can
sharpen with specifi c facts?
• Are there boring passages I can
word more vividly?
• Can I improve the phrasing?
• Can I improve the punctuation?
• Are there any typos?
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143
Appendix B
A Dozen
Grammatical Rules
You Absolutely
Need to Know
1. It is perfectly acceptable to start a sentence with
And or But.
The single most important element in fl uid
writing is the use of effective transitions
between sentences and paragraphs. And no
transition is more effective than the plain
single-syllable words and and but.
The notion that it’s ungrammatical to start
a sentence with a conjunction has long been
ignored by the best writers and debunked by
reputable grammarians. Look at the op-ed
page of any major newspaper or scan through
some pages of any well-edited magazine and
you’ll see plenty of examples. Why? Because
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Appendix B
144
conjunctions are excellent transition tools,
signaling how the sentence to follow fi ts in
with what came before—and because they’re
short, sharp, and fl eet. And and but are usually
more effective than clunky conjunctive adverbs
such as additionally and however, which add
syllables and demand a comma after them.
2. It is perfectly acceptable to end a sentence with a
preposition.
The “rule” that you should not end a sentence
with a preposition is a misbegotten notion
based on Latin syntax and expounded by a few
(a very few) 19th-century writers. Grammar-
ians have long since dismissed it as ill-founded
and unnecessary.
Often a sentence that ends with a preposi-
tion sounds far more natural than the same
sentence forced into avoiding the terminal
preposition. Consider: What will the new prod-
uct be used for? versus For what purpose will
the new product be used?
That said, a strong sentence should end
forcefully because the end of a sentence is the
most emphatic position. A preposition is rarely
a powerful sentence-ender, but it is not an
ungrammatical one.
3. The adverb corresponding to the adjective good
iswell.
When describing performance, manner, action,
and the like, use the adverb well <The intern
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A Dozen Grammatical Rules You Absolutely Need to Know
145
works well under pressure> <The research
and development stage is going well> <We
wish them well in the future>. Though be-
coming more widespread, the adverbial use
of good is nonstandard English <The vice
presidents *worked good as a team> <The new
water pump *is running good>. The question
whether to use good or well frequently arises
when someone asks “How are you doing?” The
best answer—assuming a positive response—
is “I’m doing well” (or “I’m fi ne, thank you”).
Saying “I’m good” is common but unrefi ned.
The response “I’m *doing good” is substandard
because good is there being used as an adverb.
An exception to the rule against using good as
an adverb applies with certain set phrases
<a good many more> <did it but good>.
4. The subject of the sentence determines the num-
ber of the verb.
A subject and its verb must both be either
singular or plural. Grammar Girl says so.
(Grammar Girl and says are both singular.)
All grammarians say so. (Grammarians and
say are both plural.) The rule seems so elemen-
tary as to be trivial. But a lot can go wrong. A
prepositional phrase modifying the subject is a
common source of trouble: Should an over-
supply of foreign imports take a singular or
plural verb? The answer is singular, to match
the subject oversupply. Although compound
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Appendix B
146
subjects generally take plural verbs, sometimes
a subject really expresses a single (and singu-
lar) idea <The company’s bread and butter is
still shipping>. The subject, bread and butter,
is plural in form but singular in sense, so it
takes the singular verb is.
There (in its use as a subject stand-in, as in
There is another way) presents a special prob-
lem, one that some authorities call the most
common grammatical error today. In inverted
sentences, the true subject follows the verb
<There go our fourth-quarter profi ts>. The
subject profi ts is after the verb go. Yet people
seem to want singular verbs with there regard-
less of what follows, and errors result <*There
is still market capacity and established com-
petition to be considered>. The compound
subject capacity and competition should take
the plural verb are, not the singular verb is.
Illusory compounds can also cause trouble.
These occur with constructions such as to-
gether with, as well as, and the like, none of
which forms a plural. <The board, along with
the president and CFO, endorses the stock
split>. The subject is the singular board, which
takes the singular verb endorses.
5. Both either and neither, as subjects, take singular
verbs.
Beware of distractions caused by prepositional
phrases containing plural objects: The sub-
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A Dozen Grammatical Rules You Absolutely Need to Know
147
ject—either or neither—is still singular <Either
of the marketing plans involves [not involve]
capital investment> <Neither of our expan-
sion options provides [not provide] a total
solution>.
6. With neither/nor and either/or in the subject posi-
tion, the second element controls the number of
the verb.
When the correlative conjunctions either/or or
neither/nor frame alternatives in the singular,
the verb is singular <Either phone or fax is ac-
ceptable for your response>. When the alter-
natives are plural, the verb is plural <Neither
our accountants nor our lawyers are concerned
about the merger>. But when one element is
singular and the other is plural, match the verb
to the second element <Neither the regional
managers nor the vice-president for sales likes
[not like] the proposed campaign’s theme>
<Either the home offi ce or the branch manag-
ers are [not is] largely responsible for em-
ployee morale>.
7. A fl at adverb like thus or doubtless takes no –ly
ending.
Most adverbs are formed by adding the -ly
suffi x to adjectives (large makes largely, quick
makes quickly) or changing the -able suffi x
to -ably (amicable makes amicably, capable
makes capably). But the English language also
contains a fair number of adverbs that do not
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Appendix B
148
end in -ly (such as fast, ill, and seldom). With
these, it is unnecessary—and unidiomatic—to
add the suffi x -ly. The two most common ex-
amples are *doubtlessly and *thusly.
8. The words however, therefore, and otherwise can-
not join independent clauses without additional
punctuation.
An independent clause (1) contains a sub-
ject and a verb and (2) expresses a complete
thought. It can stand alone as a sentence, or
it can be connected with another clause by a
comma and a conjunction (such as and, but,
or) <The new advertising campaign is ready,
but the CEO has yet to approve it>. When two
independent clauses are joined with a conjunc-
tive adverb like however, a semicolon must go in
front of the connector and a comma after
<Mr. Bingham can’t attend the meeting; how-
ever, he hopes to call before we adjourn>. Omit-
ting the semicolon or replacing it with a comma
creates what is known as a “comma splice”
<*We were supposed to arrive at 4:00 p.m.,
however, we didn’t arrive until 5:00>.
9. With a verb phrase, the adverb usually goes after
the fi rst auxiliary verb.
Writing authorities have long agreed that mid-
phrase is the strongest and most natural place
for an adverb <Industry experts have long
agreed on the product’s effectiveness>. The
alternatives are awkward <Industry experts
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A Dozen Grammatical Rules You Absolutely Need to Know
149
long have agreed on the product’s effective-
ness> or nonsensical <Industry experts have
agreed long on the product’s effectiveness>.
Resistance to this guidance may be due to the
old superstition that it’s ungrammatical to split
an infi nitive (it isn’t), since that is one type of
split verb <We expect the new product line and
expanded territory to almost double our sales
in the next two years>.
When the phrase has more than one aux-
iliary verb, the most natural placement is
usually after the fi rst one (as in has long been
assumed).
10. Relative pronouns (that, which, and who) must
appear alongside their antecedents.
A relative pronoun (that, which, who, whom,
and various forms with the -ever suffi x) serves
one of two purposes. First, it can link a de-
pendent clause to an independent one <Who-
ever wants to participate is welcome>. The
dependent clause (whoever wants to partici-
pate) serves as the subject of the main clause.
Second, it can join a clause with its antecedent
<Those who want to participate are welcome>.
Here, the dependent clause (who want to
participate) adds crucial information about its
antecedent, those.
The second type of relative pronoun should
be close to its antecedent—preferably imme-
diately after it. The link must be clear because
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Appendix B
150
trouble can occur when the reference becomes
uncertain <*Please discuss the customer-
service position in the accounting department
that is being eliminated>. Which is being
eliminated, the position or the department?
Restating the sentence clarifi es it <Please dis-
cuss the customer-service position that is being
eliminated in the accounting department>.
The relative pronoun that immediately follows
its antecedent, customer-service position.
11. An appositive is set off by commas when it is not
essential to the sentence (when it is nonrestric-
tive), but is not set off by commas when it is es-
sential (restrictive).
An appositive is a noun or noun phrase that
follows another noun (or pronoun) and identi-
fi es or depicts it more fully <My colleague Pat
agrees> <The customer, a tall man in an over-
sized suit, left his keys on the counter>.
In the fi rst example, the appositive Pat is not
set off by commas from the rest of the sen-
tence. In the second, a tall man in an oversized
suit is set off. The reason is that appositives,
like relative clauses (those introduced by
which, who, and whom), may or may not be
essential to the meaning of the sentence. Pat,
in the fi rst sentence, is essential—it specifi es
which colleague (presumably out of several) is
being referred to. In the second sentence, the
appositive merely adds description. We could
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A Dozen Grammatical Rules You Absolutely Need to Know
151
also say that Pat, in the fi rst sentence, defi nes
or restricts its referent, colleague, while the
appositive in the second sense is indefi nite
or nonrestrictive. Current stylebooks use the
terms restrictive and nonrestrictive to label
these qualities.
Appositives may also be set off by em-dashes
(typically for emphasis) or parentheses (typi-
cally for deemphasis) instead of commas.
12. Correlative conjunctions (those used in pairs)
require parallel phrasing.
Correlative conjunctions (such as both . . .
and, neither . . . nor, and not only . . . but also)
work in pairs, joining related constructions
that match in syntax. Each conjunction should
immediately precede the part of speech it
describes. Parallelism is rarely a problem with
simple nouns <neither time nor money>, but
it becomes tricky with phrases and clauses, as
in the erroneous phrasing *We not only raised
our regional market share but also our profi t
margin, which should read: We raised not only
our regional market share but also our profi t
margin. The verb raised must be outside the
fi rst correlative conjunction (not only) to apply
to both possessive phrases (our regional mar-
ket share and our profi t margin).
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153
Appendix C
A Dozen
Punctuation Rules
You Absolutely
Need to Know
1. Hyphenate your phrasal adjectives.
A small-business incentive is different from a
small business incentive. A limited-liability
clause is different from a limited liability
clause. When two or more words as a unit
modify a noun, they must be hyphenated (un-
less certain exceptions apply). So a hotel’s door
sign advising the staff not to disturb the guests
would be a do-not-disturb sign. A company
that is 25 years old is a 25-year-old company.
There are some exceptions: (1) Don’t hy-
phenate simple phrases formed by an -ly ad-
verb and a past-participial adjective <a greatly
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Appendix C
154
exaggerated claim>. (2) Don’t hyphenate
phrases formed with proper nouns <New Zea-
land exports> or foreign words <a post facto
rationalization>. (3) Generally, don’t hyphen-
ate phrasal adjectives used after the noun they
modify <a job well done>, but there are excep-
tions based solely on conventions of usage <our
HR manager is risk-averse by nature> <the
information is time-sensitive>.
2. Use a comma before and or or when listing three
or more items.
Although simple series <red, white, and blue>
might not require the so-called serial comma
before the conjunction to be perfectly clear,
clarity fades fast as series become longer and
more complex <We hope to boost sales in the
target area, to build the company’s name-
recognition statewide and beyond, and to
attract investors for possible franchise oppor-
tunities>. So what is the rule?
The Chicago Manual of Style and other
authorities on professional, technical, and
scholarly writing almost universally endorse
using the serial comma in all series for one
good reason: It is sometimes wrong (ambigu-
ous or worse) to omit it, but never wrong to
include it.
3. Don’t use a comma to separate two compound
predicates. Do use punctuation—usually a comma
but a semicolon if needed for clarity—to separate
a series of three or more compound predicates.
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A Dozen Punctuation Rules You Absolutely Need to Know
155
When two predicates share the same subject,
it’s common not to repeat the subject. If the
second clause repeats the subject, then the
comma is proper before the conjunction <I
stopped by yesterday, and I will call today>.
But if the subject isn’t repeated (is shared by
both predicates), there should be no comma
before the conjunction <I stopped by yester-
day and will call today>. When three or more
such clauses are combined (sharing the same
subject), the predicates become a series and do
require at least a comma to separate them <I
wrote him yesterday, stopped by yesterday, and
will call today>.
When one or more of the parts in the series
contain commas, use semicolons instead to
separate the predicates <I wrote him last week;
I stopped by yesterday with the paperwork,
the deposit check, and the keys; and I will call
him today>. The same principle holds for a
compound predicate <I wrote him last week;
stopped by yesterday with the paperwork, the
deposit check, and the keys; and will call him
today>.
4. Don’t use an apostrophe to form plural nouns.
The use of apostrophes to form plurals (rather
than possessives or contractions) is almost
always incorrect. Most proper nouns take a
simple -s, while those ending in -s, -x, -z, and
sibilant -ch or -sh take -es. The exceptions
to the no-apostrophe rule are for lowercase
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Appendix C
156
letters <Mind your p’s and q’s> and capital
letters when an apostrophe might prevent a
miscue <all A’s on the audit report>. Don’t use
apostrophes to pluralize numbers or capital-
ized abbreviations without periods <ATMs
became ubiquitous in the 1990s>. The usual
way to pluralize words and letters is to itali-
cize the word or letter and append -s in roman
type <Please delete the fi rst two ors in the
sentence>.
The incorrect use of apostrophes is es-
pecially common when pluralizing names.
Mr. and Mrs. Smith are the Smiths, not *the
Smith’s (or *the Smiths’). Mr. and Mrs. Stevens
are the Stevenses (not *the Steven’s or
*the Stevens’).
5. Don’t separate the grammatical subject from the
verb, unless there’s a set-off intervening phrase.
As a rule, words and phrases that go together
should be together, not unduly separated. So
an appositive, for example, is next to the noun
or pronoun it elaborates <Maeve Peterson, the
new CEO, is . . .> and a pronoun should not
be so far from its antecedent as to make the
connection unclear. On the same principle, the
subject and verb in a sentence are best kept
close together so that the sentence does not
wander off on tangents.
That’s not to say that an intervening phrase
or clause between the subject and verb is
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A Dozen Punctuation Rules You Absolutely Need to Know
157
always wrong. It can be an effective way
to modify the sense or add information
<Ms. Peterson, whose leadership at McLaugh-
lin Enterprises has been credited with that
fi rm’s turnaround, will take the reins here on
June 1>. Although this technique adds empha-
sis to the modifying matter, it’s often clearer to
make the phrase or clause introductory so that
the subject and verb remain close <Credited
with turning around McLaughlin Enterprises
during her four years as CEO, Ms. Peterson
starts work here on June 1>.
6. Use bullets as attention-getting devices, but don’t
overuse them.
Bullets draw the reader’s eye to a list of
points without signaling that they’re pre -
sented in a certain order. The best lists follow
these rules:
• Set up the list with an explanatory sentence
in the form of an introduction that ends
with a colon.
• Keep all the items parallel in grammatical
form (all noun phrases, say, or all predicates
starting with verbs) and somewhat similar
in length.
• Present the items with a hanging indent so
the bullets stand out to the left and all the
lines of type align.
• Typeset the items single-spaced, perhaps
with a bit of extra spacing between items.
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Appendix C
158
• Keep the bullets simple in appearance, es-
chewing whimsical artwork in favor of solid
bullet dots about the size of a lowercase o.
As with any other design device aimed at
signaling emphasis or attracting the reader’s
attention, the overuse of bulleted lists dilutes
their impact.
7. Avoid quotation marks as a way of emphasizing
words.
Quotation marks can send mixed signals. Most
often they signal their traditional function: to
set off a quotation. Sometimes they suggest a
snide attitude <an “expert” in negotiation>, or
perhaps imply that what they contain is not
what it purports to be at all <Here’s the “fi -
nal” schedule>. They can be the equivalent of
introducing the words with “so-called.” Given
all these different possible meanings, quotation
marks are a poor choice for emphasizing words
and phrases. That is traditionally the role of
italic type, an unambiguous signal.
Also avoid (1) underlining, the italic font’s
uglier equivalent from the typewriter era;
(2) overuse of boldface type, which is best re-
served for titles and headings; and (3) all caps,
which is irritating and hard to read if longer
than a word or two.
8. Don’t hyphenate most prefi xed terms.
American English is generally averse to hy-
phenating its prefi xes (anteroom, biennial,
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A Dozen Punctuation Rules You Absolutely Need to Know
159
deselect, proactive, quarterfi nal, semisweet).
Avoid the practice of inserting a hyphen, even
when it results in a doubled letter (cooperate,
reelect, misspeak). But there are a few excep-
tions: (1) when it’s needed to avoid a miscue
or an ambiguity (re-create, re-lease, re-sign);
(2) when the root word is a proper noun (pre-
Halloween sales); and (3) when using certain
prefi xes such as all- (all-inclusive), ex- (ex-
partner), and self- (self-correcting).
9. Use a colon or a comma—never a semicolon—
after a salutation.
Colons are standard in business correspon-
dence <Dear Ms. Wilson:>, commas in
personal letters <Dear Barbara,>. Commas
may also be permissible for business letters,
depending on the personal relationship be-
tween the sender and the recipient. But to
use a semicolon (*Dear Mr. Jones;) is always
incorrect.
10. Long dashes have two defensible—and valuable—
uses: to frame and to emphasize.
First, long dashes—called em-dashes—frame
what is basically parenthetical matter and
make it stand out. Notice in the fi rst sentence
how “called em-dashes” stands out. It could
just as easily have been set off from the rest of
the sentence by commas or placed inside pa-
rentheses. But the dashes give an interruptive
phrase special emphasis (while parentheses
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Appendix C
160
almost beg to be skipped over). It’s a strong
technique that should be used but, like all ef-
fective writing devices, not overused.
Second, em-dashes are handy for short tags
that sit apart from the main sentence. The
em-dash replaces the colon but adds emphasis.
The setoff can come at the beginning of the
sentence <Customer service—it’s our top prior-
ity> or at the end <No matter what the fi eld, an
able workforce starts with and continues with
one thing—professional training>.
11. Don’t use a comma when writing a month
andyear.
Stylebooks have long agreed that no comma
should appear between the month and year
<February 2012>. With the standard American
format of month–day–year, do use a comma
after the day <February 23, 2012>. No comma
is necessary with the day–month–year format
<23 February 2012>. Use a comma after the
year <Groundbreaking was held February 23,
2012, in Menomonee Falls> unless the date
is used adjectivally <the February 23, 2012
groundbreaking ceremonies>.
12. For singular possessives, add ’s even if the word
ends with an -s, -z, -x, or -ss.
This is the fi rst rule in Strunk & White’s fa-
mous book The Elements of Style: A singular
possessive takes ’s <Kansas’s business climate>
<Holtz’s contract> <Xerox’s patents> <the
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A Dozen Punctuation Rules You Absolutely Need to Know
161
actress’s endorsement>. But note that per-
sonal pronouns and who have their own form
without the ’s (mine, our, ours, your, yours, his,
her, hers, its, their, theirs, whose). Also, if the
name of a corporation or other entity is formed
from a plural word, add only the apostrophe
<United Airlines’ quarterly report> <The
United Arab Emirates’ capital is Abu Dhabi>.
When forming a plural possessive, use
the word’s standard plural form and add an
apostrophe to the fi nal -s <caterers’ fees> <the
bosses’ offi ces>. An exception applies to plural
words that don’t end in -s: they follow the
same rule as singular possessives <a line of
children’s clothing> <the alumnae’s reunion>.
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163
Appendix D
Common Usage
Gaff es
In this top-20 list of usage points that distinguish sloppy
from refi ned language, an asterisk precedes erroneous
words and phrases.
NOT THIS: BUT THIS:
I *feel badly about the
oversight.
I feel bad about the oversight.
I’m *feeling very well about
the sales fi gures.
I feel good (contented).
I feel well (healthy).
They’re *doing good. They’re doing well.
Just *between you and I. Just between you and me.
He expected *Helen and I
to help him.
He expected Helen and me
to help him.
She *could care less. She couldn’t care less.
He’s *laying down on the
couch.
He’s lying down on the couch.
*Where are you at? Where are you?
*If I would have been
there . . . .
If I had been there . . . .
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Appendix D
164
NOT THIS: BUT THIS:
She serves on the board;
*as such, she has fi du-
ciary duties.
She’s a board member; as
such, she has fi duciary duties.
The letter was sent *on
accident.
The letter was sent by accident.
I *wish he was faster. I wish he were faster.
I *could of done it. I could have done it.
*in regards to in regard to, or regarding
*less items fewer items
He was *undoubtably guilty. He was undoubtedly guilty.
*preventative preventive
*There’s lots of reasons. There are lots of reasons.
*as best as she can as best she can
*irregardless regardless, or irrespective
For more on usage, see Appendix F.
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165
Appendix E
Some Dos and
Don’ts of Business-
Writing Etiquette
Dos:
1. Proofread all documents before sending them
out to make sure the spelling and grammar are
correct.
2. Double-check that the recipient’s name is
spelled correctly and that the form of address
is proper (Ms., Mrs., Miss, Mr., Dr., Judge,
Justice, Honorable, etc.). Double-check the
envelope, too, if there is one.
3. Sign business letters with your full name un-
less you’re friends with the recipient. If the
salutation is “Dear Mr. Smith,” sign your full
name; if it’s “Dear George,” sign your fi rst
name only.
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Appendix E
166
4. Sign your letters with an ink pen and not with
a stamp of your signature.
5. Always include your contact information so
that the recipient will know how to respond
to you.
6. If you’re sending a handwritten note to a busi-
ness contact or friend, use a stamp to mail
the letter rather than meter-stamping the
envelope.
7. Before sending an e-mail, make sure that you
have (a) included everyone you need in the
address block and (b) incorporated any attach-
ments you refer to in the e-mail.
8. Use white space effectively so that the docu-
ment reads well and is not a strain on peo-
ple’s eyes. Create generous margins, leave
spaces between paragraphs, break up text
with subheads if appropriate, and indent
appropriately.
9. Date your communications (except e-mails,
which will date themselves) so that they give
the reader a reference time.
10. Write distinctive thank-you notes if you’re
writing them to several people in the same
offi ce. It’s counterproductive if recipients
compare their notes and realize you mass-
produced them.
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Some Dos and Don’ts of Business-Writing Etiquette
167
Don’ts:
1. Don’t use all caps. It amounts to shouting at
the reader.
2. Don’t return a letter to its sender by writing on
it to save time or paper. A reply should be on a
separate piece of paper, even if it’s a short note.
Contracts and other agreements are a separate
issue.
3. Don’t write “Thank you in advance.” If you
want to thank people in a request, simply make
the request and then write “Thank you.” Also,
be sure to say thanks (perhaps in person) again
when the task has been completed.
4. Don’t use BCC on an e-mail unless you are
quite sure that it is necessary. It could get you
a bad reputation as being indiscreet.
5. Don’t use tiny or unusual fonts that make your
writing hard to read or that make you seem
fl ippant.
6. Don’t write a very long topic in the subject line
of an e-mail.
7. Don’t write a thank-you note on a card with
a preprinted “Thank you!” or “Merci” (it’s not
considered good manners).
8. Don’t let the passage of time stop you from
writing to express congratulations, gratitude,
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Appendix E
168
condolences, or whatever other sentiment your
instincts say you ought to express.
9. Don’t write a letter in anger or frustration.
Step back, take some time, and detach yourself
from the situation. Come back to writing when
you have had time to refl ect on the matter and
can express yourself calmly.
10. Don’t put anything in writing that you would
be ashamed to see reported on the front page
of the Wall Street Journal.
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169
Appendix F
A Primer of
Good Usage
abstruse. See obtuse.
accede; exceed. Accede = to agree or yield <We acceded
to your request>. Exceed = to surpass, to be greater than
<Your needs exceeded our capacity for production>.
access; excess. Both are traditionally nouns. Access =
the act or opportunity of approaching or entering. Ex-
cess = an amount beyond what is required. Of course,
access is also common today as a verb meaning “to gain
entry to; to penetrate” <I couldn’t access those fi les> <I
accessed the storage unit>.
accord; accordance. Accord = agreement <The partners
are in accord about expanding plant capacity>. Accor-
dance = conformance <The materials weren’t in accor-
dance with our specs>.
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Appendix F
170
administer; administrate. The fi rst is standard. Avoid
*administrate, a back-formation from administration.
admission; admittance. Admission = permission or au-
thority to enter <The price of admission is steep>. Admit-
tance = physical entry <No admittance after 6 p.m.>.
adopt; adapt. Adopt = take up as one’s own <Adopt this
cause>. Adapt = modify <Adapt your leadership style>.
Note that the nouns are adoption and adaptation.
adverse; averse. Adverse = unfavorable or contrary to
<The expansion plan was postponed in face of adverse
market conditions>. Averse = reluctant or unwilling;
having distaste of, fear of, or hostility toward <The com-
pany is risk-averse>.
advise; advice. Advise is the verb <Our CFO advised
against the merger>. Advice is the noun <We took the
consultant’s advice>.
aff ect; eff ect. Affect is usually a verb meaning “to have
an infl uence” <The ordinance may affect our sales>. Ef-
fect is usually a noun denoting a result or outcome <It
may be a positive effect>. Effect may also be a verb mean-
ing “to bring about” <The new manager effected several
changes>.
aggravate; irritate. Aggravate = to make worse <This
news aggravates an already-bad situation>. Irritate = to
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A Primer of Good Usage
171
annoy. Using aggravate to mean “irritate” is a common
colloquialism, but it will still annoy some readers.
aide; aid. Aide is an assistant. Aid is assistance.
allusion; illusion. Allusion = an indirect reference, as to
a cultural work, historical event, or other form of shared
knowledge <“Sage of Omaha” is an allusion to Warren
Buffett>. Illusion = a misperception or a mistaken belief
<Their profi tability turned out to be an illusion>.
a lot. Always two words.
already; all ready. Already = previously, by this time
<She was already taking notes>. All ready = completely
prepared <The corporate minutes were all ready for the
secretary’s sign-off>.
alternative; alternate. As a noun, alternative = one op-
tion (among one or more others) <We came up with an
alternative design>; alternate = a substitute <The del-
egate’s alternate attended>.
altogether; all together. Altogether = entirely or com-
pletely <This trip was altogether useless>. All together =
collectively or in a group <That day we reported to him
all together>.
ambiguous; ambivalent. Ambiguous = inviting more
than one reasonable interpretation <Please clarify the
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Appendix F
172
ambiguous policy>. Ambivalent = having mixed emo-
tions about something <The CFO has ambivalent feel-
ings about the trade-off>.
amend; emend. Amend = to add to a document, esp.
a law or other legal document <Amend the contract>.
Emend = to make corrections or edits to a piece of writ-
ing <Emend the proposal before you circulate it>.
among. See between.
amuse; bemuse. Amuse = to entertain or delight. Be-
muse = to befuddle.
antidote; anecdote. Antidote = anything that coun-
teracts a bad situation <Preparation is the antidote for
nervousness>. Anecdote = an amusing, illustrative story
<She told an anecdote about her fi rst day on the job>.
anxious; eager. Anxious = anticipating with unease or
worry <We grew anxious about the IPO>. Eager = antici-
pating with enthusiasm <Customers were eager for the
retail stores to open>.
appraise; apprise. Appraise = to assess in value <Ap-
praise the property at $1 million>. Apprise = to keep
someone informed <Apprise me of any changes>.
arbiter; arbitrator. Arbiter = a person with fi nal say over
a matter <You’re the arbiter of company policy>. Arbi-
trator = a person who conducts an arbitration to settle
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A Primer of Good Usage
173
a dispute <The arbitrator decided the dispute in our
favor>.
as. See like.
assure; ensure; insure. Assure = to try to satisfy someone
of something <He assured me he’d attend>. Ensure = to
make certain that something will happen or that things
will be as expected <We made a schedule to ensure that
we’d meet our deadline>. Insure = to indemnify against
loss or damage <The warehouse was insured for less than
market value>.
attain; obtain. Attain = to achieve or accomplish some-
thing <The regional division attained its quarterly sales
target>. Obtain = to get something <We had no trouble
obtaining raw materials>.
averse. See adverse.
avocation. See vocation.
awhile; a while. Awhile is an adverb meaning “for a short
time” <Let’s talk awhile before deciding>. A while is a
noun phrase meaning “a period of time” <Let’s talk for a
while before deciding>.
bear; born; borne. Bear = (1) to carry or support <Cor-
porate suitors come bearing gifts> or (2) to give birth
<bear a child>. Borne refers to sense 1 <Airborne par-
ticulates make the product unsafe>, and born to sense 2
<You’re a born leader>.
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Appendix F
174
bemuse. See amuse.
beside; besides. Beside = (1) next to or at the side of
<The seat beside the window is taken> or (2) outside of
<That’s beside the point> <she was beside herself with
joy>. Besides = in addition to <Besides coffee, we sell tea
and baked goods>.
between; among. Between shows one-to-one connec-
tions <Between payroll and health care, our costs are
up>, even when more than two things are involved <Talks
began between the fi rm and its various suitors>. Among
connotes a looser relationship with three or more <There
was one standout among applicants>.
blatant; fl agrant. Blatant = obvious, overt <That’s a bla-
tant lie>. Flagrant = conspicuously rude or abusive <Re-
fusing to shake hands was a fl agrant break of protocol>.
bombastic = pompous, pretentious <Bombastic speeches
stretched out the meeting>. The word has nothing to do
with violence.
born; borne. See bear.
breach; broach. Breach = to break <That’s a breach of
contract> or break though <Expansion plans will breach
the market’s boundaries>. Broach = to bring up <I hate
to broach the subject>.
can; may. Most properly, can expresses power or abil-
ity <We can ship your order next week>. May expresses
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A Primer of Good Usage
175
permission or possibility <May we ship your order
by UPS?>.
canvas; canvass. Canvas = coarse cloth <We ordered a
canvas awning>. Canvass = a noun meaning “a poll or
survey” or a verb meaning “to conduct a poll or survey”
<Canvass your customers before you brainstorm new
products>.
capital; Capitol. Capitol = the building where the U.S.
Congress or a state legislature meets. In all other senses,
the spelling is capital <capital expenses> <capital letter>
<a capital crime> <the capital city>.
censor; censure. Censor = to inspect and possibly re-
strict the release of matter judged to be objectionable.
Censure = to reprimand someone.
clench; clinch. Clench = to tighten, esp. in anger or de-
termination <clenched fi st>. Clinch = to secure or fasten
<clinch the sale>.
climatic; climactic. Climatic = of the weather, esp. cli-
mate <climatic change>. Climactic = dramatic, riveting,
moving toward a climax <climactic tension>.
clinch. See clench.
closure; cloture. Closure = the act or fact of concluding
or resolving. Cloture = the parliamentary procedure for
ending debate and calling for a vote.
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Appendix F
176
collaborate; corroborate. Collaborate = to cooperate in
an enterprise <We once collaborated in a joint venture>.
Corroborate = to lend support, esp. by confi rming infor-
mation <Two studies corroborate the claims>.
common. See mutual.
compare to; compare with. To compare something to
something else is to liken the two things; to compare
it with something else is to note both similarities and
differences.
compel; impel. Compel = to force, esp. by dint of au-
thority or necessity <I felt compelled to report the er-
ror>. Impel = to drive forward, as by circumstances or
weight of argument <Better opportunities impelled her
to relocate>.
compendious; voluminous. Compendious = concise, con-
densed. Voluminous = large, roomy.
complementary; complimentary. Complementary =
(1) making complete or perfect or (2) matching or
harmonious <a bundle of complementary products>.
Complimentary = (1) free <complimentary tickets> or
(2) fl attering <complimentary reviews>.
comprise; compose. Comprise = to include <The com-
pany comprises three business units>. Compose =
to make up <The company is composed of three business
units>. The phrase *is comprised of is always faulty.
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A Primer of Good Usage
177
compulsive; compulsory. Compulsive = prone to or
caused by uncontrollable urges <compulsive behavior>.
Compulsory = mandatory <compulsory training>.
connote. See denote.
consequent; subsequent. Consequent = following as a
result (consequence) <Our supplier took responsibility
for consequent costs>. Subsequent = following in time
<Subsequent ads included a disclaimer>.
continual; continuous. Continual = recurring, intermit-
tent <continual calls for tech support>. Continuous =
ceaseless, uninterrupted <continuous efforts to meet our
goals>.
convince; persuade. Convince . . . of = to win over, to
prove a point <convince the board of the need to ex-
pand>. Persuade . . . to = convince and cause to take ac-
tion <persuade the board to fund the building program>.
corroborate. See collaborate.
council; counsel. Council = a board <the city council>.
Counsel = (1) adviser <corporate counsel>, (2) advice
<She heeded the counsel of her CFO>, or (3) to advise
<My mentor counseled patience>.
credible; credulous; incredulous; creditable. Credible =
believable, trustworthy <a credible argument>. Credu -
lous = gullible <credulous acceptance>. Incredulous =
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Appendix F
178
unbelieving <an incredulous audience>. Creditable = re-
spectable but not outstanding <a creditable performance>.
damage; damages. Damage = harm <damage caused by
the false rumor>. Damages = judicial compensation for
harm <judgment for $2 million in damages>.
declaim. See disclaim.
defi nite; defi nitive. Defi nite = clear, explicit, unmistak-
able <a defi nite asset to the department>. Defi nitive =
authoritative <the defi nitive source of information>.
delegate. See relegate.
deliberate; deliberative. Deliberate = purposeful <a de-
liberate affront>. Deliberative = of or relating to debate
or discussion <a deliberative decision-making process>.
denote; connote. Denote = to signify; to be the name
of <Mortgagee denotes the lender, not the borrower>.
Connote = to imply; to suggest something beyond the
literal sense of a term <An open workspace connotes
collaboration>.
depreciate; deprecate. Depreciate = to fall in value <The
car will depreciate by 40% when you drive it away>. Dep-
recate = to disapprove of, to plead against <The manager
deprecated the use of company meal allowances for those
working solo>.
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A Primer of Good Usage
179
detract; distract. Detract = take away (some quality)
<His abrupt manner detracted from his effectiveness>.
Distract = divert <An accomplice distracted the cashier>.
device; devise. Device = a tool or apparatus <a handy
device>. Devise = to create or invent <devise a better
system>.
diff erent. Prefer different from over different than.
diff er from; diff er with. To differ from is simply to be dif-
ferent <Gross profi ts differ from net profi ts>; to differ
with is to disagree <I differ with you on that point>.
disburse. See disperse.
disclaim; declaim. Disclaim = deny or disavow <dis-
claim any knowledge of the report>. Declaim = to orate
<declaim against corruption>.
discrete; discreet. Discrete = distinct <three discrete
sources of funding>. Discreet = circumspect, tactful <a
discreet phone call>.
disinterested; uninterested. Disinterested = unbiased;
lacking any fi nancial or emotional stake in a dispute
<The arbitrator must be a disinterested third party>. Un-
interested = uncaring <The audience was uninterested>.
disperse; disburse. Disperse = to scatter <disperse an
unruly crowd>. Disburse = to distribute funds <disburse
grants>.
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Appendix F
180
distinct; distinctive. Distinct = clear, well-defi ned <We
set three distinct goals this quarter>. Distinctive = mark-
ing a difference, characteristic <her distinctive manage-
ment style is unlike any we’ve ever seen>.
distract. See detract.
dominant; dominate. Dominant = supreme <the domi-
nant player>. Dominate = to control <dominate the
market>.
eager. See anxious.
eff ect. See aff ect.
e.g.; i.e. E.g. = for example <big-ticket items (e.g., cars,
refrigerators, and furnaces)>. I.e. = that is <numismatics
(i.e., coin-collecting)>.
elicit; illicit. Elicit = to draw a response <The verbal
gaffe elicited laughter>. Illicit = forbidden, illegal <illicit
behavior>.
eligible; illegible. Eligible = fi t to be chosen; suitable.
Illegible = incapable of being read because of bad hand-
writing, poor printing, etc.
embarrass. So spelled.
emend. See amend.
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A Primer of Good Usage
181
eminent. See imminent.
empathy; sympathy. Empathy = understanding <empa-
thy for a kindred spirit>. Sympathy = compassion <sym-
pathy for the displaced survivors>.
ensure. See assure.
equally. Avoid *equally as. Good usage dictates equally
profi table, not *equally as profi table.
evoke; invoke. Evoke = to draw out <evoke memories>.
Invoke = to call on, esp. for authority or assistance <in-
voke the right to counsel>.
explicit; implicit. Explicit = (1) unambiguous <an ex-
plicit disclaimer> or (2) graphic, lurid <explicit photos>.
Implicit = (1) implied <an implicit warranty> or (2) ab-
solute <implicit trust>.
farther; further. Farther = physically more distant
<Drive three miles farther>. Further = more advanced
<Further study is needed>.
faze; phase. Faze = to agitate <not fazed by the rude
caller>. Phase = a stage of development <a growing
phase>.
fewer. See less.
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Appendix F
182
fi rst, second, third. So written—preferably not *fi rstly,
*secondly, *thirdly.
fl agrant. See blatant.
fl air; fl are. Flair = (1) an innate talent <a fl air for pitch-
ing ideas> or (2) stylishness <write with fl air>. Flare = a
burst, as of light, activity, etc. <an emotional fl are-up>.
fl aunt; fl out. Flaunt = to show off something <fl aunt-
ing new jewelry>. Flout = to openly disobey or disregard
<fl outing the rules>.
fl ounder; founder. Flounder = to struggle or thrash
about <The campaign was fl oundering>. Founder =
(1) to sink <The stock foundered when profi ts fell> or
(2) to fail <The company foundered after the scandal>.
forbear; forebear. Forbear = to refrain from an impulse
<We must forbear any thoughts of retaliating>. Fore-
bear = an ancestor <My grandmother and other fore-
bears were mostly Irish>.
forgo; forego. Forgo = to do without <forgo help>.
Forego = to precede <the foregoing events>.
formally; formerly. Formally = properly <We haven’t
been formally introduced>. Formerly = previously <He
was formerly with Hastings>.
founder. See fl ounder.
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A Primer of Good Usage
183
further. See farther.
gibe; jibe. Gibe = a taunt or tease <The manager’s talk
was interrupted by good-natured gibes>. Jibe = agree
<That jibes with what I expected>.
harass. So spelled.
horde; hoard. Horde = large group of people <hordes of
customers>. Hoard = a cache, esp. of valuable things <a
hoard of cash>. As a verb, to hoard is to accumulate to an
excessive degree.
i.e. See e.g.
if; whether. A fi ne but useful distinction: If = on the
condition that. So, e.g., Let me know if you need a cata-
log means most rigorously not to call if you don’t want a
catalog. Whether = which way you decide about. So Let
me know whether you need a catalog means, again most
rigorously, to please call either way.
illegible. See eligible.
illicit. See elicit.
illusion. See allusion.
imminent; eminent. Imminent = looming and inevitable
<an imminent announcement>. Eminent = prominent
and respected <an eminent authority on the subject>.
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Appendix F
184
impel. See compel.
implicit. See explicit.
imply; infer. Imply = to suggest something without say-
ing it expressly <There’s an implied threat>. Infer = to
read into <Can we infer from the announcement that
they will build stores close to ours?>.
in behalf of. See on behalf of.
incredulous. See credible.
infer. See imply.
ingenious; ingenuous. Ingenious = clever, skillful <That
is an ingenious solution>. Ingenuous = frank, innocent,
free of ulterior motive <Security released the child, who
they said was open and ingenuous under questioning>.
in order to. Usually you can shorten this expression to to.
Do so whenever you can with no loss in clarity.
insure. See assure.
invoke. See evoke.
irritate. See aggravate.
it’s; its. It’s = it is <it’s no mistake>. Its = the possessive
form of it <each branch has its responsibilities>.
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A Primer of Good Usage
185
jibe. See gibe.
just deserts (what one deserves) is so spelled—not *just
desserts. Deserve and desert [pronounced /di-ZURT/]
are related words.
lay>laid>laid. To lay is to put down or arrange <I’ll lay
it on his desk> <I laid it on his desk yesterday> <if only
I’d laid it there>.
lend; loan. Lend = to provide, to grant the temporary
use of <Could you lend me that calculator?>. Loan = a
sum of money that has been lent <We’re paying back the
loan>. Though traditionally a noun, loan is also accept-
able as a verb when the object is money <We asked the
bank to loan us $50,000>.
less; fewer. Less = a smaller amount <less waste>. Fewer
= a smaller number <fewer losses>.
lie>lay>lain. To lie is to recline <I should lie down> <I
lay down earlier this afternoon> <if I’d lain down this af-
ternoon, I’d have more energy now>.
like; as. Like precedes a noun or pronoun <like a rock>.
As precedes a subject and verb <as you said>.
loan. See lend.
loathe; loath. Loathe is the verb meaning “to abhor” <He
loathes broccoli>. Loath is the adjective meaning “reluc-
tant” <He’s loath to admit that he loves spinach>.
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Appendix F
186
loose; lose. Loose is an adjective meaning “not tight” or
“not constrained” <loose lips> or a verb meaning “to free”
<loose the dogs of war>. Lose, the verb <lose customers>,
is often misspelled loose.
make do = to get by with <We’ll have to make do with
what’s available>. The phrase is often mistakenly ren-
dered *make due.
marshal. Both the noun <the fi re marshal> and the verb
<marshal our arguments> are so spelled.
may. See can.
mete out = to allocate. So rendered, not *meet out.
militate. See mitigate.
minuscule = tiny <a minuscule amount>. So spelled, not
*miniscule.
mitigate; militate. Mitigate = to make less harsh <I nor-
mally would have fi led a complaint, but there were miti-
gating circumstances>. Militate = to weight heavily in
one direction <A long history of confl ict militated against
the agreement>.
mutual; common. Mutual = reciprocal <mutual admira-
tion>. Common = shared <common interests>.
nonplussed = frozen by surprise, perplexed <nonplussed
by the shocking news>.
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A Primer of Good Usage
187
number. See quantity.
obtain. See attain.
obtuse; abstruse. Obtuse = dull, dim-witted <I was too
obtuse to catch the allusion>. Abstruse = obscure, ar-
cane <But it turns out that no one caught the abstruse
allusion>.
on behalf of; in behalf of. On behalf of = representing
<accepting the award on behalf of>. In behalf of = in sup-
port of <speaking in behalf of the motion>.
orient; *orientate. Orient = to get one’s bearings <spend
the fi rst day getting oriented>. *Orientate is an ostenta-
tious variant to be avoided.
past; passed. Past is the noun <in the past>, adjective
<past efforts>, adverb <walk on past>, and preposition
<past the park>. Passed is the past tense and past parti-
ciple of the verb pass <time passed slowly>.
peak; peek; pique. Peak = a high point, esp. a pointed
one such as a mountaintop or a spike on a chart <reach
the peak>. Peek = a quick, furtive look <take a peek at
this fi le>. Pique = (1) indignation <a fi t of pique> or
(2) to arouse <piqued her interest>.
peddle; pedal. Peddle = to sell <peddle hot dogs>.
Pedal = to operate a foot lever <pedal a bike>.
peek. See peak.
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Appendix F
188
pejorative = having negative implications; tending to
belittle. So spelled, not *perjorative.
pendant; pendent. Pendant = a piece of dangling jew-
elry <a silver pendant>. Pendent = pending, unsettled <a
pendent lawsuit>.
people. See persons.
percent. This word (meaning “by the hundred”) was for-
merly spelled as two words. Today it is one.
perquisite; prerequisite. Perquisite = a privilege or ben-
efi t, esp. one attached to a position; usually shortened
to perk <Perks included a company car>. Prerequisite
= a necessary condition <This position has job-training
prerequisites>.
persecute; prosecute. Persecute = treat harshly, esp. as a
group <a persecuted minority>. Prosecute = pursue legal
action <prosecuted for embezzlement >.
personal; personnel. Personal = an adjective meaning
“private, individual.” Personnel = a noun meaning “the
whole group of persons employed in a business.”
persuade. See convince.
persons; people. In most contexts, the plural persons
sounds stilted. Except for set phrases <missing-persons
report>, reserve person for singular use <Only one per-
son showed up> and use people for the plural.
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A Primer of Good Usage
189
perspicuous; perspicacious. Perspicuous = lucid <a per-
spicuous argument>. Perspicacious = insightful, shrewd
<a perspicacious observer of the market>.
phase. See faze.
pique. See peak.
populace; populous. Populace = the inhabitants of a
place, collectively <the Swiss populace>. Populous =
heavily populated <populous northeastern cities>.
pore; pour. To pore is to read intently <poring over the
fi nancial statements>. To pour is to make (a liquid) fl ow
downward.
practical; practicable. Practical = pertaining to experi-
ence or actual use; adapted to useful action instead of to
contemplation <There must be a practical way of ship-
ping these goods>. Practicable = capable of being done
or used <Scientists have long known that a perpetual-
motion machine is impracticable>.
precede; proceed. Precede = to occur before something
else <An extensive campaign preceded the launch>.
*Preceed is a common misspelling. Proceed = (1) to start
<Proceed with your report> or (2) to continue <From
St. Louis, proceed to Chicago>.
precipitate; precipitous. Precipitate is most commonly a
verb meaning “to cause suddenly or recklessly” <precipi-
tate a riot>. As an adjective, it means “sudden, rash, or
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Appendix F
190
violent” <a precipitate run on the banks>. Precipitous =
steep <a precipitous decline in demand>.
prerequisite. See perquisite.
prescribe; proscribe. Prescribe = to direct a course of ac-
tion <The consultants prescribed a plan>. Proscribe = to
forbid or outlaw <Insider trading is proscribed>.
presumptive; presumptuous. Presumptive = assumed to
be <the presumptive nominee>. Presumptuous = arro-
gant, impudent <making presumptuous demands>.
preventive; *preventative. Preventive = intended to
ward off harm <preventive measures>. *Preventative is
a corrupt form.
principal; principle. Principal = main, fi rst <the princi-
pal reason>. As a noun, it refers to the main person <a
principal at a consulting fi rm> or, in fi nance, the origi-
nal sum of money lent or invested <the principal contin-
ues to earn interest>. Principle = a belief, tenet, or law
<stand on principle> <the principles of economics>.
proceed. See precede.
prophesy; prophecy. Prophesy = to predict <proph-
esy great success>. Prophecy = the prediction <another
doomsday prophecy>.
proposition; proposal. Proposition = something that is
offered for consideration <We reject the proposition that
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A Primer of Good Usage
191
plants should be located only on rivers>. Proposal = a
formal offer <His proposal was silent on the personnel
required to make it work>.
proscribe. See prescribe.
prosecute. See persecute.
prostrate; prostate. Prostrate = lying face down. Pros-
tate = a gland in male mammals.
proved; proven. Proved = the long-preferred past par-
ticiple of prove <last year’s projections have proved ac-
curate>. An exception is the set phrase innocent until
proven guilty. Proven is an adjective <Our new line is
already a proven seller>.
purpose. See intention.
quandary = state of confusion <in a quandary about
how to proceed>, not the cause of that confusion.
quantity; number. Quantity = an unspecifi ed mass <The
farm produces large quantities of grain>. Number = a col-
lection of individually countable objects <The number of
units we sold last year exceeded that of any previous year>.
rack. See wrack.
rebut; refute. Rebut = to answer a charge or argument.
Refute = to disprove a charge or argument.
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Appendix F
192
reek; wreak. Reek = (1) to stink <The stagnant water
reeks> or (2) the bad odor <We could smell the reek of an
open sewer>. Wreak = to cause a specifi ed type of harm
<wreak havoc>.
refute. See rebut.
regrettable; regretful. Regrettable = unfortunate <a re-
grettable decision>. Regretful = sorry about <regretful
about not calling>.
rein; reign. Rein = a bridle strap. Figuratively, the means
of control <give free rein> <to rein in>. The homophone
reign (= to rule over) is sometimes mistakenly used in
those and similar idioms.
relegate; delegate. Relegate = to reassign to a lower po-
sition or task <relegated to traffi c control>. Delegate = to
entrust (a person) to act on one’s behalf <delegated the
research to Terry>.
reluctant. See reticent.
respectfully; respectively. Respectfully = in a polite
manner <May I respectfully ask you to wait another fi ve
minutes>. Respectively = in regular order <So $500,000
and $600,000 are the benchmarks, respectively, for Ted
and Carol>.
reticent; reluctant. Reticent = taciturn, not open about
one’s thought; reluctant to talk <Veterans can be reticent
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A Primer of Good Usage
193
about their experiences>. Avoid using it as a substitute
for being reluctant to act.
role; roll. Role (in the sense “a part in an organization, a
movie, etc.”) and roll (in the sense “a list of participants,
actors, etc.”) are often confounded.
sanction = (1) a penalty <The commission imposed
sanctions for the incident> or (2) an endorsement <The
board gave its sanction for continued talks>.
species; specie. Species = a type of plant or animal. The
word is both singular and plural. Specie = coined money.
stanch. See staunch.
stationary; stationery. Stationary = unmoving <The
gym has fi ve stationary bikes>. Stationery = writing pa-
per <We received 12 boxes of stationery>.
staunch; stanch. Staunch = loyal and devoted <He’s a
staunch supporter>. Stanch = to stop or control the ac-
tual or fi gurative loss of liquid <stanch the red ink>.
strait; straight. Strait = a tight spot <Strait of Magel-
lan> <in dire straits>. Straight often displaces strait in
straitjacket and straitlaced.
strategy; tactics. Strategy = big-picture planning <com-
petitive strategy>. Tactics = actions and techniques that
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Appendix F
194
support your strategy <fl ash mobs and other guerrilla-
marketing tactics>.
subsequent. See consequent.
supersede = to take the place of <It supersedes last
year’s employee handbook>. The word is often mis-
spelled *supercede.
sympathy. See empathy.
tactics. See strategy.
than. See then.
that; which. Use that to introduce a clause that’s essen-
tial to meaning (a restrictive clause), and don’t set it off
with commas. If you write, “The departments that made
their numbers last quarter received budget increases,”
readers will infer that some departments didn’t receive
increases. Use which with a clause that isn’t essential (a
nonrestrictive clause). If you write, “The departments,
which made their numbers last quarter, received budget
increases,” you’re saying that all departments received in-
creases. You can leave out a which clause set off by com-
mas and still convey the gist of the sentence.
their. See there.
then; than. Then = at that time; in that case; therefore.
Than expresses comparison <more successful than any
other start-up>.
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A Primer of Good Usage
195
there; their; they’re. There refers to direction <over
there> or place <where there is life>; their is the posses-
sive of they <all their worldly belongings>; and they’re is
the contraction of they are <they’re on the way>.
torpid. See turgid.
toward; towards. Toward dominates in American En-
glish, towards in British English.
try and. Make it try to.
turgid; torpid. Turgid = (1) swollen <the turgid river af-
ter Friday’s rain>, or (2) bombastic <a turgid harangue>.
Torpid = dormant or sluggish <Demand is usually torpid
after the holidays>.
uninterested. See disinterested.
unique; unusual. Unique = one of a kind, unmatched <a
unique handmade quilt>. As an absolute term, unique
should not take modifi ers such as very. It is not a syn-
onym of unusual.
use; utilize. Prefer the simple term.
venal; venial. Venal = corrupt, susceptible to bribery
<a venal border guard>. Venial = pardonable <a venial
mistake>.
veracity; voracity. Veracity = truthfulness <Veracity
earns trust>. Voracity = gluttony <His voracity was his
downfall>.
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Appendix F
196
verbiage = wordiness, not the words in a message. Excess
verbiage is redundant. Avoid the misspelling *verbage.
vocation; avocation. Vocation = career <His vocation
is nursing>. Avocation = (1) hobby or (2) second occu-
pation <On weekends he works on his avocation, fl int-
knapping>.
voluminous. See compendious.
voracity. See veracity.
wangle. See wrangle.
whether. See if.
whether; whether or not. In most instances whether can
stand alone: or not adds nothing. But when the sense is
“regardless of whether,” the additional words are needed
<We’re going whether or not you can make it>.
which. See that.
who’s; whose. Who’s = who is. Whose = the possessive
form of who or whom.
whosever; whoever’s. Whosever is the standard posses-
sive form of whoever. Whoever’s is a contraction for who-
ever is.
workers’ compensation. This gender-neutral phrase has
replaced workmen’s compensation as standard.
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A Primer of Good Usage
197
wrack; rack. Wrack = (1) to destroy <wracked by fraud>
or (2) wreckage <go to wrack and ruin>. Rack = to tor-
ture as on a rack <rack my brains>.
wrangle; wangle. Wrangle = to argue noisily <wrangling
over licensing rights>. Wangle = to obtain by manipula-
tion <wangle an invitation>.
wreak. See reek.
your; you’re. Your = possessive form of you. You’re =
contraction of you are.
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199
Desk References
Writing well is not just one skill but a combination of
many—and it’s something you must constantly work at.
In addition to this guide you might want to keep the fol-
lowing desk references handy.
The Basic Writer’s Bookshelf
• The American Heritage Dictionary of the English
Language. 5th ed. Boston: Houghton Miffl in Har-
court, 2011.
• Garner, Bryan A. Garner’s Dictionary of Modern
American Usage. 3d ed. New York: Oxford, 2009.
• Merriam-Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary. 11th ed.
Springfi eld, MA: Merriam-Webster, 2008.
• Roget’s Thesaurus of English Words and Phrases.
George Davidson, ed. Avon, MA: Adams Media,
2011.
• Trimble, John R. Writing with Style. 3d ed. Upper
Saddle River, NJ: Pearson, 2010.
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Desk References
200
The Connoisseur’s Bookshelf
• Flesch, Rudolf. The Art of Plain Talk. New York:
Harper & Brothers, 1946.
• Flesch, Rudolf. How to Write Plain English: A
Book for Lawyers and Consumers. New York:
Harper & Row, 1979.
• Fowler, H. W. A Dictionary of Modern English
Usage. 2d ed. Edited by Ernest Gowers. New York:
Oxford University Press, 1965.
• Garner, Bryan A. Legal Writing in Plain English.
2d ed. Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 2012.
• Gowers, Ernest. The Complete Plain Words. 3d ed.
Edited by Sidney Greenbaum and Janet Whitcut.
Boston: David R. Godine, 1986.
• Graves, Robert, and Alan Hodge. The Reader over
Your Shoulder. 2d ed. London: Cape, 1947.
• Partridge, Eric. Usage and Abusage: A Guide to
Good English. New York: Harper & Brothers,
1942.
• Strunk, William, and E. B. White. The Elements of
Style. 4th ed. Boston: Allyn & Bacon, 1999.
• Tufte, Edward R. Beautiful Evidence. Cheshire,
Conn.: Graphics Press, 2006.
• Tufte, Edward R. Envisioning Information.
Cheshire, Conn.: Graphics Press, 1990.
H6082.indb 200H6082.indb 200 11/6/12 1:21 PM11/6/12 1:21 PM
Desk References
201
• Wallace, David Foster. Consider the Lobster. New
York: Little, Brown & Co., 2005.
• Zinsser, William. On Writing Well. New York:
HarperCollins, 30th Ann. ed., 2006.
H6082.indb 201H6082.indb 201 11/6/12 1:21 PM11/6/12 1:21 PM
H6082.indb 202H6082.indb 202 11/6/12 1:21 PM11/6/12 1:21 PM
Index
acronyms, 96–97
adverbs, 144–145, 147–148
all caps, 158, 167
Alred, Gerald J., 122
and, starting a sentence with,
83–84, 143–144
apostrophes, improper use of,
155–156, 160–161
appositives, 150–151, 156
Architect phase, 13–14, 16, 21–26,
140
articles, (a, an, the), don’t drop, 53
as per, 62, 111, 113
attached please fi nd, 62
audience
connecting with, 9–10
consideration for, 111–116,
123–124
for letters, 4–6
holding readers’ attention,
91–97
motivating to act, 116–118
nonspecialists, 44–45
perspective of, 43–44
understanding readers, 7–11
who you’re writing for, 8
Babenroth, A. Charles, 121–122
Bartholomew, Wallace E., 121
Beautiful Evidence (Tufte), 37–38,
200
be verbs, 55, 94–95
bizspeak, 57–65
boilerplate, 62
boldface type, 158
brainstorming, 14–15, 20–21
brevity and clarity, xvi–xvii, 44–45,
49–51, 53–56, 106, 110
Brusaw, Charles T., 122
Buffett, Warren, 9, 63–65
bullets, as attention-getting de-
vice, 157–158
but, starting a sentence with,
83–84, 143–144
buzzwords, 57–61
Cannon, Kelly, 122
Carpenter phase, 13–14, 16, 23–25,
27–29, 140
Chicago Manual of Style, The,
15, 154
chronology, 67–70
Churchill, Winston, 91
clarity, 43–48, 53
clichés, 58–61
closing text, 32
Cody, Sherwin, 121
collegiality, 100–101
H6082.indb 203H6082.indb 203 11/6/12 1:21 PM11/6/12 1:21 PM
Index
204
colons, 157, 159
commas, 148, 150–151, 154–155,
159–160
conclusions, leading readers to, 45
concrete writing, 47
conjunctions
correlative, 147, 151
starting sentences with, 83–84,
143–144
connecting with large audiences,
9–10
continuity and transitions, 71–75,
143–144
contractions, 93
courtesy, 123–124
credibility, 47, 50, 77–78, 80–81
dates, 160, 166
defi nitions, 44–45
delivering bad news, 118–120
dialect, 81–82
diplomacy, 123–124
double negatives, 81–82
drafts
e-mail, 107–110
feedback, 85–87
fi rst, 16, 27–29, 32–35, 55
revising, 31–35
writing rapidly, 27–29
Drucker, Peter, 28
dumbing it down, 64–65
editing, 16–17, 28, 31–35
effi ciency, 14–17
either, 79, 81, 146–147
Elements of Style, The (Strunk and
White), 160, 200
e-mails
BCC, 167
check before sending, 166
compared to letters, 46
general guidelines for, 105–110
storytelling, 67–70
subject line, 106, 167
em-dashes. See long dashes.
emphasis, adding, 37–39, 157–
160
empty words, 9–10
enclosed please fi nd, 111, 113,
121–122
Envisioning Information (Tufte),
37–38, 200
etiquette, business writing,
165–168
feedback from colleagues, 85–87
Flesch Reading Ease (FRE) scale,
63–64
Flesch, Rudolf, 64, 92, 200
Flowers, Betty Sue, 13
focus
fi nding it, 19–25
“you” focus, 92–93, 108, 112,
115–116
fonts, 158, 167
forms of address, 165
Frailey, L.E., 122
FRE scale, 64
fund-raising, 118–119
genderless pronouns, 80–81
getting to the point, 7–8
good and well, 144–145, 163
grammar
generally, 77–84
mistakes creating bad impres-
sions, 163–164
passive voice, 94–95, 115–116
phrasal adjectives, 153–154
rules to know, 77–84, 143–151
granting a benefi t or request, 122
graphics, 37–39
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Index
205
Harvard Law Review, 64
however, 83–84, 144, 148
Hurlbut, Floyd, 121
hyperformality compared to
polished plain speech, 61,
99–100
hyphens, 153–54, 158–159
impressions, bad, 163–164
“index expurgatorius,” 57–61
inspiration, 28
-ion words, 55
issues, stating plainly, 3, 49–50,
126–27, 129
italic type, for emphasis, 156, 158
Judge phase, 13–14, 16–17, 28,
141
letters
as a tool for sharpening writing
skills, 46
chronology in, 67–70
form and purpose, 3–6
general guidelines for, 111–124
replying to, 167
salutations, 159, 165
signature, 165–166
when to write and when not to
write, 167–168
logic, 16, 19–20
long dashes, uses for, 159–160
MACJ, 13–14, 28
Madman phase, 13–16, 20–21, 139
Madman–Architect–Carpenter–
Judge, 13–14
main points, 19–25
marketing reports, 129–130
memos, 8, 20–25, 32–35, 125–130
middle, 32
mistakes, admitting, 124
motivating readers, 116–118
neither, 79–81, 146–147, 151
nonstandard language, 82–84
notes, making, 15
nouns
disagreement with pronouns,
80–81
plural, 155–156
of, 54–55
Oliu, Walter E., 122
opening text, 32, 49–50, 71–74
opinions, unsupported, 45, 47
organizing
chronology, 67–70
main points/issues and logic,
19–25
outlining, 16, 50
sets of three, 19–25
subheads, 74
otherwise, 148
outlining, 16, 50
padding, recognizing and elimi-
nating, 53–56
paragraph openers, 71–72
passive voice, 94–95, 115–116
performance appraisals, 133–138
persuasiveness, xviii–xix, 47, 112
phrasal adjectives, hyphenating,
153–154
phrases
canned, 62, 111, 113, 121–122
creating bad impressions,
163–164
overused, 58–61
for performance reviews,
133–137
plagiarism, 15
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Index
206
plain-spoken language, impor-
tance of, 57–65
planning your writing project,
13–16, 19–25
polishing your writing, 14, 16–17,
61, 86
possessives, 160–161
predicates, compound, 154–155
prefi xes, hyphenating, 158–159
prepositions, 54, 79, 144, 145,
146–147
prior to, 53
process of writing, 13–17, 19–25,
27–29
procrastination, 28–29
pronouns
errors in using, 77–78, 80–81
personal, 92–93
relative, 149–150
punctuation, basic rules of, 148,
150, 153–161
purpose for writing, 3–6
quotation marks, for emphasis,
158
readers. See also audience
nonspecialist, 9, 44–45
perspective, 43–44, 51, 68–69,
119
three types for memos, 127
time constraints, 7–8
understanding, 7–10
Reader’s Digest, 64
reason for writing. See purpose for
writing
recommendations, 129–130
rejection, 118–119
relative pronouns, 149–150
reports, tips on writing, 125–131
reprimand by e-mail, 109–110
requests for proposal, 8
research, 14–16, 128–129
reviews, employee. See perfor-
mance appraisals
revising
general guidelines for, 31–35
continuity and transitions,
71–75
salutations, punctuation follow-
ing, 159
sarcasm, 101
semicolons, 148, 154–155, 159
sentences
compound subjects, 79–80,
145–146
conjunctions at beginning of,
83–84, 143–144
length of, 44–45, 63–65, 95–96
noun–pronoun disagreement,
80–81
prepositions at end of, 144
pronouns, 77–78, 80–81, 92–93
starters, 83–84, 143–144
structure, 95–96
subject–verb disagreement,
78–80, 81, 145–147
“show, don’t tell,” 45, 47
signature, 107, 165–166
simplicity and clarity in language,
43–48, 53–55, 57–65, 91, 94
sources, 15
speed writing, 27
split infi nitives, 149
standard English, 82–83
starting to write, 13–17, 19–25
storytelling and chronology, 67–70
Strunk, William, Jr., 160–161, 200
style, how to acquire good,
xviii–xix
subheads, 74
H6082.indb 206H6082.indb 206 11/6/12 1:21 PM11/6/12 1:21 PM
Index
207
subject lines, 106, 125–126, 167
subject–verb agreement, 78–80,
81, 145–147
summarizing, 49–51, 74, 126–128
thank you in advance, 167
thank-you notes, 166, 167
that, 53, 149–150, 194
there, 78–79, 195
their, 80–81, 195
therefore, 73, 74, 148
third person, 92–93, 115–116
Time (magazine), 64
time management, 27–29, 31
titles, 125–126
tone
collegial, 100–101
combative, 123
courteous and direct, 123–124
in e-mails, 107–110
friendly, 4, 8
hyperformality, 99–100
purpose and content, 4–6, 8
relaxed, 99–100
sarcasm, 101
stern, 5–6
urgent, 4–5
transitions and continuity, 71–75
Tufte, Edward, 37–38, 200
underlining, 158
U.S. Securities and Exchange
Commission’s Plain English
Handbook, 9
usage
bad examples of, 163–164
good, 169–197
vagueness, 43–47, 49–50
verbs
buried, 55
irregular, 83
past-tense, 94
separating the grammatical
subject from, 156–157
split infi nitives, 149
strong, 55
verb phrases, 148–149
visual aids, 37–39, 140
vocabulary, 82
Washington, George, 91
we, 78, 92, 100, 115–116
well, 144–145, 163
which, 149–151, 194
White, E. B., 160–161, 200
White, Richard Grant, 121
white space in document design,
166
who, 149–51, 161, 196
“who, what, when, where, and
why,” 38, 50
wordiness, controlling, 53–56
wording, problems with, 77–84
words, wasting of, 53–56
writer’s block, 16, 25, 28
writing
anxiety about, 13–15
benefi ts of good writing, xv–xx
etiquette in, 165–168
four stages checklist for,
139–141
how to begin, 13–17, 19–25
muddy, 43
process of, 13–17, 19–25, 27–29
purpose of, 3–6
rapidly, 27–29
style, 91–97, 99–100
timing, 27
“you” focus, 92–93, 108, 112,
115–116
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Acknowledgments
My profound gratitude goes to Lisa Burrell of HBR,
who suggested and edited the book through several re-
visions; to the LawProse employees Heather C. Haines,
Becky R. McDaniel, Tiger Jackson, Jeff Newman, David
Zheng, and Ryden McComas Anderson—all of whom
helped in developing and refi ning the text; my Twitter
followers (I’m @bryanagarner) who suggested examples
of bizspeak to be avoided; my mother-in-law Sandra
W. Cheng, her brother Daniel Wu, and my sister-in-law
Linda Garner, all of whom suggested lines of inquiry
from their many years in business; and most of all my
wife, Karolyne H.C. Garner, who cheered and goaded
and inspired me in the months when this book was being
written—as she has before and since.
The book is dedicated to J.P. Allen, the fi lmmaker,
who has been my close friend from childhood (I was 5, he
was 3): We developed our interest in language and writ-
ing as teenagers, while also reading intensively about en-
trepreneurship and business management—never wor-
rying that we might be considered nerds or eggheads. We
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Acknowledgments
210
always thought learning was cool, and ignorance uncool.
Nothing has changed.
B.A.G.
August 2012
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About the Author
Bryan A. Garner is a noted lexicographer, grammarian,
lawyer, and business owner. Since founding LawProse
Inc. in 1991, he has trained more than 150,000 lawyers
in the techniques of written persuasion and effective con-
tract drafting. His clients include the legal departments
of dozens of Fortune 500 companies.
Garner is the author of Garner’s Modern American Us-
age, The Elements of Legal Style, and The Winning Brief,
and the editor in chief of all in-print editions of Black’s
Law Dictionary. He has coauthored two best-selling
books about judicial decision-making with Justice Anto-
nin Scalia.
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Notes
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